Two. It's final.

Two. It seems so final, as if we didn't give ourselves enough time to really ponder it. I am sure that's why Dan scheduled his vasectomy so quickly after our second. So we wouldn't have time to change our mind.

9/11/2014 = V-day

I have chosen not to think about it. When I start to let my thoughts drift over the finality of it, I shut them down.

At least I don't have to worry about 9 months of back pain any more. No more first trimester nausea and headaches. No more heartburn inspired insomnia. No more fatigue so strong when I bend to tie my shoe I fall into a coma. No more worrying about kick counts and movements. No more restricting my eating habits or skipping that glass of wine. No more guilt over that raw cookie dough I end up eating while pregnant, even though it says on the package NOT to consume while pregnant.

No more labor. No more epidural shots. No more contraction pains. No more hospital stays. No more nurses giving me bruises on my still pregnant looking belly.

No more inconsolable crying, no more witching hours, no more breast feeding pain, no more worry over development. No more endless sleepless nights. No more worrying about SIDS.  No more hormonal roller coaster.

That's what I tell myself, when my mind drifts. When I look at my almost 4 month old, and wish I had 10 more.

No more pregnancies. No more thrill of seeing those two pink lines. No more keeping a first trimester secret. No more dreaming of what our life will be like with another child. No more kicks and hiccups that no one else can feel. No more wondering what our baby will look like. No more discussion about names. No more bump.

No more excitement at the hospital. No more sneaking a snack after the epidural. No more first time seeing our baby. No more holding baby after the lights are dimmed and everyone is gone home. No more first bonding between Mama and Baby.

No more first smiles. No more first giggles. No more soft fuzzy hair to nuzzle. No more soft newborn skin to touch. No more first coos. No more teensy newborn diapers.

Two is all we wanted, and all we need. I am so grateful for what we have.

No more thinking about it. No more wondering. It's over.

Two. It's final.

9-12-14 Day after V-day

Ding!  My text goes off again. It's Dan and he needs something to eat. I still need to feed the baby and toddler so he can wait.

Ding!  I really need to change my text ring. I am not even going to look at the phone.

Ding!   Now he needs water. <Sigh> I can do that...

Ding!  I know he's hungry but I have to put the diapers back on the dogs before they are allowed upstairs.

Ding! Fine. I will just run this up to him and then take care of the kids. Oh shoot... Kenzie saw me leave and now she is wailing. "I'll be right back!" I yell down as I race upstairs and throw a box of graham crackers at Dan. He gives me a dirty look like I was aiming... whatever.

Ding! He wants the cinnamon graham crackers, not the honey ones. ARGH!

9-14-14 3 days later...

Oh for the love of... this car seat is so damn heavy!!!  Ketcher is a chubster and his weight combined with this car seat has to be 40 lbs. Just... a... little.... higher... phew. Ok it's in the truck. Gah! I hate this truck.

Time to hoist Kenzie into the back seat and buckle her in. Why the hell did Dan make the car seat in the middle of the backseat is beyond me. I can't reach and I have to climb in to buckle her up. Grrr...


Dan has to take it easy for a week. Lucky him... and just when our house is in need of groceries and dog food...

9-18-14 1 week later

Dan: "So we can try for another kid in the next 2 months the doctor said."

Me: "Nope. I'm done."