Today feels good. It's been a week since the darkness seemed all consuming. Sometimes we have to be in the dark to see the light.
It's normal, I can handle normal.
Dan's alarm goes off and he grabs his phone to check the snow report. He reaches over and touches my shoulder. I know today is going to be a good day.
We get up and I head downstairs to take care of the dogs and kids. The dogs barrel down the stairs ready to run outside. When I open the door they see the snow and hesitate. Tully (he's our senior dog) is not a fan of snow. The puppy, on the other hand, isn't quite sure of what this white, cold substance is. He licks at it and then heads out. He is a Swiss Mountain Dog and made for the snow.
I spend a few minutes getting breakfast ready before I let the kids out of their rooms. I think about how much has changed in the past week.
There was a lot of darkness. After months of struggling, I hit my lowest. There was no way I could have gotten out of it without help.
I don't like to put myself out there. As soon as I hit post, I always feel this twinge of regret, but I am so glad I posted. With each text, email, message and comment I felt like I wasn't alone. Everyone has bad days, weeks, months, and hearing that other people are going through it, or went through it, made me feel normal, instead of alone.
I can handle normal.
I open the kids bedroom doors. They both come out slowly today. Ketcher still seems groggy and Kenzie is wandering around hoping Daddy is already downstairs. She is holding her snowboarding T-Shirt in one hand and a stack of felt ornaments in another.
The laundry basket is full of clothes to be folded so I get started. Again I let my thoughts wander...
Dan answered my cry for help two-fold. First, he took me out on a date, just us, and we talked... like really talked. We got back on the same page, and having both of us on the same page, is like starting a new, happier chapter of life. We have been together for 14+ years so it is only natural fall out-of-step every now and then. Thankfully it's never at the same time, one of us is always there to pull the other back in.
That's normal, I can handle normal.
Kenzie needs serious physical exercise. She is a toddler with infinite amounts of energy. Dan took her out snowboarding, ice skating, and doing all things that he did before he broke his leg. This gave me time to spend with Ketcher. The strength of a second child is their ability to relish time without a sibling. Time spent playing with toys without having them ripped out of their grip. So although it did us both good to have some quality time together, it helped me catch up on work so I didn't have to work at night.
It was time well spent and I feel better.
The kids are chasing the puppy around the house. They are all making a lot of noise but everyone seems happy. I go through the usual morning motions, but today, I have a smile on my face.
Kenzie brings me the stocking ornament from her felt Christmas tree grandma made. When we ask her what it is, she says "it's a foot." I start giggling and she laughs with me. It's more of a screaming hysterical laughter, but she's happy. That's what counts.
Dan heads to the ski hill, and we take up our morning spots on the couch. I fold laundry and think about how thankful I am. I know there will be bad times and I am glad that out of the darkness there will always be light. It's all normal, and I can handle normal.
So many thanks go out to everyone that took the time to comment on my last post. Your thoughts, prayers, and words have not been taken for granted. I hope I can pay-it-forward.
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