My Moment of Terror

It may sound dramatic, but I honestly thought it was over. These were the last minutes we would ever get to spend together here on earth. I had never been so terrified in my life.

............ 6 Hours to Landing................

Belize was beautiful; tropical, hot and sunny, everything you would want in a beach vacation. We woke up early and went to sleep early, enjoying every slice of sunshine we didn't have at home in the month of May.
The travel to get to and from Belize should not be taken lightly, primarily if you are traveling with kids. The departure home started with a 10 minute boat ride to another part of the island.

Taken on the way to our resort in Belize.

A shuttle picked us up and drove another 5 minutes to the airport which was a one room building. Our boarding passes looked like plastic book marks, the kind I would bring home every summer for "Book It" in hopes to win a class pizza party.



One of the airports. Yes it is simply that building in the distance.

The planes held no more than 10 people. They were sweltering hot and had a tiny isle with one seat on each side. These were propeller planes, not jets. After the doors shut it was like an oven. Luckily the skilled pilot would be ready for take off immediately.

The plane ride back to the mainland is about 20 minutes. If you have never been on a tiny plane and have any fear of flying, make sure you are right behind the pilot. It feels much steadier and on some level it's pretty cool to watch someone fly a plane... until you see the airplane manual in the pocket of the door, next to the pilot, and you start to sweat from nerves.

...................... 3.5 Hours to Landing......................

After the landing, it's a 2 hour flight from Belize to Houston. The trouble began as soon as we touched down in Houston. The international terminals didn't have a spot for our plane so we sat there for another 30 minutes waiting for a spot to open up. We started to question if we would make our connection to Denver.

Eventually we exited and headed for customs. Kenzie's customs ticket was flagged so we were sent to the officers. Eventually we made it to the luggage pickup, through customs, back to recheck our luggage and then corralled back through the main security, where I forgot I had a Coke in my bag, and they spent another 10 minutes making sure it wasn't a bomb.

Somehow we made it to our gate before boarding.

 

.................. 2.5 Hours to Landing.........................

We ate Wendy's nuggets and fries (dinner of champions, and people running to their gates at the airport) as people boarded, which I regretted 20 minutes later at take-off. It was a full flight. We were seated right in front of the exit row in the middle of the plane. I was sitting in the window seat, Dan had the isle, with Kenzie between us holding her small stuffed Mickey Mouse.



Taken on the way to Belize in the tiny plane.
Mickey has become her security toy.

The kids were in their PJs so they could sleep, since it was past their bedtime. Dan held Ketcher on his lap. Ketch was wearing his light blue Calvin Klein jammys.


Taken a few months ago.

The plane started its take-off as I absentmindedly cleaned off our hands and faces from dinner. As it picked up speed there was a BANG and a flash of light directly outside my window. I grabbed Dan's arm and said "WHAT WAS THAT?!!" Then the cabin filled with a burning smell and I was sure the engine beneath my window was on fire.

It was a moment of complete and utter terror. It was like the air was completely sucked out of my lungs, I thought these were the last minutes of our lives. I reached for Dan; my rock. When I am anxious, he is my calm. But he looked at me wide-eyed and I jolted my body against Kenzie to protect her from whatever was coming. I was absolutely sure this was it and a moment later we would all be killed by the engine exploding. Yet, nothing came and eventually my shaking stopped.

The flight attendants came over the PA and said "You might have heard a bang and smelled aburning smell. The pilots will let us know what's going on momentarily."

But the plane was in route at this point... how do they not know what is going on?!!

I shook until my teeth were sore from chattering. I waited on pins and needles for them to tell us it was fine. Eventually as the 2.5 hour flight progressed we fell into our normal flight routine of watching movies and eating snacks.

After at least 90 minutes in the air, a pilot came out and walked down the isle holding an ipad. He paused at our row to tell the people in the exit rows behind us to clear out for a few minutes while he tried to inspect the tires.

The pilot had the airplane flight manual up on his ipad.

At 30 minutes before our descent into Denver airport, the pilot said: "Well folks, we think we blew a tire, so here is what is going to happen. We can't tell if it's one tire or both on the right side of the plane. Our side of the plane. The manual says the plane can land with one tire so we should be fine. However, we are going to prepare for the worst case scenario and assume that we have no tired on that side. The flight attendents will be coming through the cabin to explain what you need to do to prepare for this landing. We will be circling the airport for 30 minutes trying to burn off some of this fuel. But we really are 99% sure it was only one tire."

The flight attendants showed us how to prepare for a crash landing:
Adults feet flat on the floor.
Wrists crossed on the top of the seat in front of you.
Head down between your arms.
Kids tuck their hands under their legs.
Head down on their lap.
Babies are held by a parent who has to shield them with their body.

........................ 5 Minutes to Landing.....................

Pilot: "At one minute before landing the flight attendants will tell you to put your head down. Remain in this position until we are at a complete stop. Fire trucks will be standing by."

Passengers: Looking through the safety info in their seat back pockets. Wishing they had paid attention at least once to a flight attendant. Worried eyes shifting to the windows over the wings on the right side. Everyone saying their own prayers to have us land safely.

Our kids: Kenzie being prodded awake and then crying about how tight her seatbelt was. Ketcher, so over tired he was beyond hyper and would not sit, stand or be still for one second. Playing on the floor like he was having a blast.

.................... 1 Minute to Landing ..............................

Instead of using the PA system, the flight attendants started chanting "Head down now! Head down now! Head down now! Head down now!"

It was eerie. Very eerie. It was the only sound until the screaming started.

We were getting closer to the ground. Dan was trying to hold Ketcher on his lap. He started screaming and crying.

I was pushing Kenzie's head down because she refused. She started screaming and crying. Finally I put my head down on her lap with her and held her saying "It's okay, Mommy's here." Repeatedly. She continued to cry, probably sensing the collective nervous desperation of the passengers. I was so busy trying to calm her that I barely noticed that we had landed perfectly normal.

..................... Landed........................

We all applauded the landing. The fire trucks were there in an instant checking out the tires. The pilot came over the PA one last time and said "Well if you can believe it, they didn't see anything wrong with any of the tires. So we are going to taxi in normally and get you all off the plane."

Everyone clapped again as we finally stopped and could unbuckle. We exited the plane, got our baggage and went home, because life goes on.

.......................After Thoughts...........................

I really thought in those moments, with the burning smell filling my nose, that it was over. There were no flashbacks, no time standing still, it was just a realization that this was it. Thankfully it wasn't. It makes you think though. It makes you realize what you want in your life, for me, I want to be a Mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I want to be grateful for every moment that's tender or chaotic. I want to enjoy time, because that is the only thing that is truly precious and completely out of our control.

Mother's Day 2016.
So glad we are right here, right now.

Have you had a moment of terror? What were your thoughts? Did anything in your life change after that moment? Please share! Thank you for reading!

Our Journey from Childfree to Parents

My husband, Dan, and I have been together 13 years as of next week. We started dating in 2001, we got engaged in 2002, married in 2006, first kid in 2012. It's amazing to look back at who we used to be and who we are now. The most interesting part is that neither of us wanted kids.



Circa 2005

An example of how we both changed:

In 2001, Dan he said he would only run if someone was chasing him. In 2010, he completed the Leadville 100. A 100 mile race that takes about 30 hours to complete.

In 2001, I was only 20 years old and had never lived anywhere other than my hometown of Flushing, MI. Now I have lived in 3 states, 8 cities, and moved across the country twice.


The real game changer...

When we moved to Colorado in 2008, things really started to change for me. The pace was slower. I was no longer working 60 hours a week and literally my blood pressure was back to a normal level. (When I was 25 I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, and as time would prove... it was due to stress.) I started thinking about a family.

In 2010, I finally spilled the beans. I knew I was changing the game, so if he said "no way", then that was that. I wanted to be with Dan, more than have kids. I remember our conversation exactly. We were in the Orlando airport coming home from a dental convention. For the sake of simplicity, here is the short version...
     He said. "We are actually in a position to have kids, if that's what we wanted." 
     It's now or never...
     So I said. "Yeah, so we should give it a try."

Wedding Pic

     "Uh, what?" He said.
     Then I came out with it. "I think I want to have a kid."
     Silence.

It was scary sitting there, people watching, waiting for him to answer. My nervous half-smirk sitting on my face. He finally turned to me and said.  "I don't want you to regret anything so if that's what you want, then ok."

We did a lot of talking first and I did a lot of research. I wanted to make sure this was really what I wanted and not just what I thought I should be doing. It all came down to no regrets. I didn't want to miss out on this monumental life changing experience.

So we gave it a try, in the only way I know how to try anything: Very calculated and planned. If we were going to do this I was going to be in control of it. Charts, temperatures, the whole 9 yards. I am not one to let fate make my decisions. Either this was going to work within my time frame, and if it didn't, then we would know. I could move on with life and we would be the childfree couple that travels and has nice things.



1 week before Kenzie
was born

Obviously we have traded in the dream of travel and nice things, for couches with milk stains, carpets with mashed fruit snacks, and travel to neighborhood parks. We wouldn't change it for anything.
Who we were before Kenzie and who we are now are fundamentally different, although no one would probably be able to tell. An example would be this St. Patty's Day. St. Patty's is the day Dan got out of the army 15 years ago, it's also the day that set us up to start dating. It has always been an epic celebration for us. 8am green beers, Guinness, Irish whiskey, live music and all the corned beef and cabbage you can handle. This year Dan took the day off and we spent it hanging out with Kenzie. Singing her Irish songs and playing Irish music. We went out to lunch and stayed in for dinner. He had 1 beer... and it wasn't even green.