Uneasy Silence

I woke up and my eyes burned. It's my fault. I went to bed too late and then right before I fell asleep a storm rolled in. There was something uneasy about the quiet morning.

I immediately reached over and touched Ketcher in the pack n play. His quiet breathing gave way to flailing arms and legs. He doesn't cry when he wakes up, just looks around gurgling and punching the air. I breathed a sigh of relief but still couldn't shake the uneasiness.

I got up, made the bed, and carried my usual items downstairs: Water jug, phone, laptop. I set everything down on the counter in the kitchen and felt a draw to the hallway.

I stood staring down the dark hallway at the white door at the end.  I stayed perfectly still straining to hear any unfamiliar noises. I could hear Kenzie's sound machine; waves crashing in a calming rhythm. I almost walked away but I heard a thud. I knew that sound well. It was one of her big books hitting the floor.

Then I heard a faint song playing in my head. An acoustic guitar picking the first notes... the lyrics began: "Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again..."

My unease was silenced by the first shrill screams of a grumpy toddler.

I ran back upstairs and grabbed the baby. He looked at me and an let out a little coo. He had no idea what was coming. I carried him carefully downstairs and decided to feed him in the last 30 minutes of the quiet morning. We sat in the rocking chair listening to the banging getting louder. She couldn't be contained much longer.

Finally it was so loud I was sure the foundation would crack if I didn't intervene. I set Ketch down in his crib to watch the mobile.

I opened the door a crack. She had retreated to her bed along with 90% of the contents of her room. Her toothy grin gleamed at me through the darkness. I pushed the door open the rest of the way and walked in. She jumped up and ran down the hall screaming "EAT! EAT! EEEEEEEEEEAT!"

I called her back in for a diaper change and she threw her little body down and howled like she had been shot. It was going to be one of those days.

I dragged her back into the room. She made a game out of diaper changing. "UP!" legs go up and "DOWN!" legs come down. I am off balance today, probably from the lack of sleep. "UP!" she cracked me in the jaw with her foot. That was solid. I should have moved. My bad.

I managed to get her feet back into her footy pajamas and she was off and running again. "EAT, EAT EAT!" I could almost hear her end with "DAMN IT!" I wasn't moving fast enough. Here comes another one. She melted on her stairs in the kitchen. Her stomach was obviously eating itself despite the entire box of shells and cheese she ate last night.

Up she went into her high chair just as the beep went off on the microwave. Ah, oatmeal was ready. Dan appeared and her screams of joy filled the kitchen. "DAAAAADEEEEE!!"  The sun rises and sets with her daddy. I set the bowl in front of her and she refused to eat from the spoon I was holding. If daddy wasn't doing it, she wasn't interested. I gladly handed him the spoon and started making his breakfast before he headed to work.

Breakfast was over in 10 minutes and her best friend was trying to leave. She screamed and cried gripping his legs. I felt bad for her. I picked her up kicking and screaming and carried her to the window so we could watch him drive away.

Her tears were dripping onto the windowsill. Daddy waved and a new guttural scream escaped. He got in the truck and pulled away. She was sobbing now.

I pulled the only card I could think of... "Yogurt?"

She whipped around so fast her arms flew out like wings and somehow made contact in the exact spot her foot had hit 20 minutes ago. I sat rubbing my jaw thinking that it must be 5 o'clock somewhere... but here, it's not even 8:00am.