Where is the kindness in kids?!

My hands are shaking as I set the library books on the counter. I smile at our favorite elderly librarian who is talking to my kids, which are eagerly awaiting stamps that smell like chocolate. My heart is beating out of my chest and I am telling myself to calm down... a few more minutes and we will be outside.

The kids look over at me and smile. They are standing on the steps that make them tall enough to do the library transactions all by themselves. Kenzie is putting books in her book bag. She hands one to Ketcher, because she knows he likes to feel important too. They are good kids.

The librarian gives out the bumble bee stamp Kenzie picked, and I can see the kids that caused my elevated stress level standing at the entrance of the kids library section. Their Mom is talking to them.

My kids both say a thank-you for the stamps and off we go. A few more seconds... and... we are out.

As soon as we are in the car, I let my anger wash over me.

A nice trip to the library to return books and get a few more, turned ugly. As soon as we walked into the kids room, Kenzie made a bee line for a little boy and girl, maybe 6 years old, sitting on the dragon perched at the top of the "stage"... which is a little more than a glorified stair case up the wall. I try not to intervene, but I am always close enough to listen to what is happening.

Kenzie: "Hi! My name is Kenzie! Want to play with me?"
(We have worked with her on how to introduce herself to other kids.)
Kids: Looking away from her. Nasty faces. Talking to each other.

I am walking with Ketcher and letting him climb the bridge, which is his favorite part of library time. I hear the kids say "Go away!" I walk over to Kenzie with a colorful book and she is distracted for a moment.

The kids walk around and Kenzie inevitably tries to follow.

"Stop following us! Go away!"

Where the hell is the Mom at this point? Oh right behind us, choosing to ignore how awful her kids are being a 3 year old. Awesome.

I get her reasonably distracted and we pick out some Pooh Bear books, and a song book. The kids are back on the top step and Kenzie runs up to sit with them.

The little girl says: "Stop following us, we don't like you!"

I lose my shit.

I don't give a rats ass if that Mom is in the room or not. I walk over to them, pick up my daughter whose face is no longer smiling, and I said: "That was NOT NICE!" and walked away.

Oh... what I would have loved to really say...

I looked at the Mom who obviously heard me and gave her my best - you are a terrible person - face.

I am still sitting in the car. I haven't put it in drive yet. I need to calm down.. I text Dan to tell him how terrible, once again, the people in this town can be. We live in a touristy mountain town. Idealistic from the outside. On the inside, people can be self-entitled, spoiled, jerks. I don't care if you push your attitudes on me, but I will be damned if you, or your children, are going to treat my kids like that.

The kids are getting restless. I start driving to the grocery store and I talk to Kenzie about what happened. I tell her she is kind, and I am proud of her for being nice, even when other kids were being mean.

We get home from running errands and Dan comes home for lunch. He asks Kenzie about her library trip. She tells him all about the two kids that kept saying: "Stop following us, we don't like you."

Hearing it from her mouth is like a punch in the gut. Sometimes I assume she might be too young to understand what is happening, but that is totally untrue. She gets it. She just chose to ignore their comments and keep trying to play with them. She is kind. We are teaching her the right attitudes. Unfortunately it breaks my heart that this happens over and over again.

I am sure there are mean kids in every town, in every class, in every grade... but why? Why is it so hard to teach our kids kindness? Compassion? A sense of community?

Today I will be hugging the Littles tighter and try to be thankful that my kids are the nice ones.

Thank you for reading! Please support your local library and read to your Littles. There is nothing better than a good book and a snuggly baby in your lap, especially when the book teaches kindness.

Trapped!

A toddler, a baby, and a puppy are stuck in one room all day... no this is not the beginning of a hilarious joke, unless you count the one that has been played on me.

Today the living room and hallway to the children's bedrooms are off limits. We are having the floors redone. How am I going to survive this day with 2 toddlers and a puppy? Well... blog about it, of course.

The day begins at 6:30am... First I have to take the puppy out and then get cleaned up before the workers arrive. We were told they would be here between 7:30 and 8:00am.

7:00am I release the kids from their rooms and it's time for breakfast. I can never get the food into Ketcher's mouth fast enough. He cries while I cook the oatmeal, eggs, bacon, and bagels.

7:30am Dan lets the puppy and Tully down. Breakfast for all. I can't put Kenzie in her high chair, which is blocked by the couch. The puppy bites at her pants, she screams relentlessly.

8:00am I finish carrying toys, clothes, diapers, a small table and chairs upstairs for the days activities. The puppy continues to bite at the kids and they scream and cry. The puppy decides to crawl under the bed and destroy an old unfinished Sudoku book. If it keeps him away from the kids, I don't care.

8:30am Where the hell are these people? I'm glad I woke up 30 minutes early to get ready. Sarcasm font. I had to put the puppy in his crate for 10 minutes of quiet. There is no amount of coffee that can make this morning bearable. Kenzie is coloring with the magic markers that only appear on the special coloring books. Ketcher is using those markers to color the walls and furniture. Thank God for those markers.

8:35am Tully perks his head up. I am assuming they are here. I come downstairs to find them already in the living room discussing what they will be doing. On one hand it's unnerving to find 3 men in your house that didn't knock to come in, on the other hand, if they had knocked the dog would have barked and set off a chain reaction of crying and screaming.

9:00am This past half hour has been quiet. The kids are watching Doc McStuffins, Tully is napping on the bed, the puppy is still in his crate, and I am working. This seems doable... until I release the puppy again.

9:30am The kids need to get dressed and then we have to walk the dogs. Outside is gloomy, cold and still wet from the frozen grass thawing. Ketcher wants to pick up giant rocks and carry them around. That's a broken foot waiting to happen. My lower back is screaming as I am trying to juggle 2 leashes and a 30 lb toddler on my hip. I can't wait for this day to be over. It's only 9:30...

10:30am Finally it's time for some grocery shopping.  My favorite time of day is anytime I am in the car. Kiddos are strapped in, Ketcher is already sleeping and we haven't left our neighborhood yet. Kenzie and I are quietly listening to the music.

11:15am After picking up mail at the post office, we arrive at Target. I get the kids out, set Kenzie's cart on the ground and we head in.

11:16am we are heading back out to the car. Kenzie needs to pee and refuses to do it in the big public potty. I keep diapers and wipes in the car for both kids so I slip one on her. She pees, I take it back off and we are heading back inside. The guy taking his break next to the door looks at me like I'm crazy.

11:45am This is not the fun trip I was expecting. Kenzie is refusing to push her cart. I did find her some Sofia the first dolls on clearance to carry around. She wants to ride in the basket but baby brother is in his rightful spot. She is pissed.

11:55am We made it back out to the car and after I throw some packets of Doc McStuffins fruit snacks at the kids, I tear open the pouch of cookie dough. Nothing has ever tasted better. Ever.

12:05 Lunch at jimmy johns with the kids. We come here so often, as soon as we walk in, the kids grab a bag a chips and go sit down in a booth. I order the food, get my large coke, and join them. Ketch eats half a slim 4, Kenzie finishes a bag of chips. Nutrition at its finest.

12:30 We get home and I have to deal with the puppy. I take him out and then when I bring him back inside he pees on the carpet twice.

1:00 This is typically quiet time, but we can't get to the kids rooms. So we are all stuck together in the bedroom. Luckily the kids quietly watch Sofia the first, for the most part.

Ketcher is over this... and am I.

2:45 Time to get this crew outside. It has stopped raining finally so we set out. Ketcher is in the stroller, Kenzie is sulking 20 feet behind me, and somehow I am managing both dog leashes. We are going at a snails pace but I'm glad to be moving again.

4:30 Ketcher slept the whole walk. He seemed moody that he missed the sights but was happy to eat snacks and play with his sisters toys back in the room. Kenzie is freaking out because Ketcher is playing with his toys. The puppy has had water and is now napping in his crate.

5:00 Time to feed everyone.

6:00 Bath time. The kids are not happy to be in the tub without 50 lbs of toys floating along next to them. They decide to try and end bath time early by splashing water out of the tub and screaming. Jokes on them. I took my hearing aids out and now I'm sitting on the floor reading the latest Time magazine. When they get out, I make them clean the floor with towels.

6:30 I am dying to put the kids to bed but the floor guys are STILL here. Probably because they showed up an hour late. I am laying face down on the bed unable to deal any more. Kenzie is sitting on my back yelling "Giddy up!" and pulling on my ponytail. I have no energy to stop her. Ketcher is chilling on the pillows watching an episode of Sesame Street from 1971. Gordon has mutton chops and Oscar is orange. I don't think I will make it to 7.

6:40 Dan comes home and muster the energy to stay coherent for another 20 minutes.

7:00pm I don't care if the floor guys are here or not - they weren't -  I am done. I toss the kids into their bedrooms with waters and a goodnight hug and kiss. No books, stories or songs tonight. I run to the cupboard and pull out the biggest wine glass I have. It is no where near the size I need it to be.

You have a problem with "princess"?

To the mother that posted on scarymommy about how we shouldn't be calling our daughters princesses...

First of all, man are you angry! Who cares if people call their daughters "princess"? Your eye rolling at the mom who called her daughter "princess" at Target was uncalled for, and unnecessary. Stop judging other mothers. You have no idea what is going on in her life.

Do you really think calling a girl "princess" will make her grow up entitled and selfish? I am pretty sure that takes some serious indulging and lack of punishment. It sure as hell isn't because the word "is loaded with meaning."

Although I am not calling my daughter "princess" as a nickname, I do use it to my advantage. I ask her, when she tries knocking down her brother: "Is that how a princess acts toward others?" If she get's too rough with the dog, I remind her that princesses are kind to all animals.

She takes princess lessons seriously.

Our adult world is not magical, it can be ruthless and callous. The years our daughters want to be a princess are so short, and I (and without question, Grandma) will indulge Kenzie with a wardrobe full of lace and frills and satin. Complete with heeled shoes, tiaras, and big gaudy jewelry.

If you knew my daughter, you would know that she loves to wear these wonderful costumes while skate boarding, biking and snowboarding. She doesn't let the word "princess," or the fact that there are no snowboarding princesses, hold her back. She is making her own style of princess, and I think Disney would be proud.

Does that mean that she can't do her chores? Snow white, Cinderella, and Aurora (sleeping beauty) all were shown doing chores while growing up. This made them kind, gentle, and gave them really good practice at singing.

Cleaning her spot after dinner.

Does indulging the inner princess bring about little entitled diva's? It could, but only if you allow that kind of behavior.

She has to sit in a time out and watch the bubbles.

I grew up obsessed with Disney princesses. My neighbors and I would act out Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty with our Barbies. When I was 9, the holy grail of Disney movies came out: The Little Mermaid. (To a 9 year old, this was the be-all end-all of princess movies.)  I knew there was nothing in this world I wanted more than to be a mermaid. My neighbors and I would act out every scene, sing every word, we even tried to write the piano music to all the songs.

I would say that as an adult I don't have delusional thoughts about magical kingdoms, princes, and some fairy tale ending that leaves me feeling depressed. In fact, I would say I have a pretty healthy attitude about reality, hope, and fantasy. I can't even describe how I feel when I watch her, watch a classic Disney movie for the first time. To see her smile and squeal when a song comes on she already knows. To see her dance and sing along with me while we play a certain song over and over until we fall down laughing. To sing songs and act out parts of the movie she loves the best. Of course I am always the villain now, which suits me pretty well since becoming a parent.

Belle "shopping" with her Cinderellas.

If my daughter turns into a spoiled, self indulgent adult one day, I won't blame it on the word "princess". It will certainly be my fault, for not teaching her about kindness and helping others. So the next time you want to be pissed off, go watch a Disney movie and lighten the hell up.

Follow our Kenzie on instagram @instaprincessdiaries.



Seriously? How can you roll your eyes at that?

Confessions of a work from home mom

It's that time again. Time to swallow a big dose of guilt, turn on Frozen for my toddler, and log back into work.

Working is the worst, isn't it? But the $6,000 worth of medical bills on my counter from Ketcher's birth need to get paid, right? <sigh>

Five confessions of a work from home mom.

Oh no, it's ringing. NOOOOOOOOO!

I am scared of the phone. I've become so reliant on email that the phone just seems like a nuisance. An email can be referenced again. When I have been awake since 5am with a baby, and get constant interruptions via my toddler, listening just isn't my strong suit any more. If you want me to get something done correctly, write it down. In the event that we do talk on the phone, I get nervous that surely you are going to hear the chaos that is my home office.  A crying baby, a singing toddler, dogs barking, a splash that was surely something being dropped in the toilet, and me just gritting my teeth because I can't interrupt a conference call with "Stop putting things in the damn toilet!!"

Sigh...

I would rather have office drama, than toddler drama. You never have office drama working from home. However, I get plenty of drama when tiny toddler fingers come creeping along the side of my computer just itching to touch those fancy keys. A firm "NO!" is then followed by wailing that a fire station could be proud of.  The wailing is soon followed by a small body flopping, like a fish out of water, on the carpet next to my feet. I panic. Is she having a seizure? Nope just being dramatic.

I don't appreciate the comparison.

I feel incredibly guilty, all the time. You don't need an office to feel guilty.  My babysitter is usually Sesame Street or if I need more than 50 minutes, Frozen or Tangled. I feel guilty for probably causing future learning disorders, because you aren't supposed to sit your kid in front of a TV until they are at least 2. Then when I am playing with my kid, and I hear the ding of my emails coming into my phone, I feel guilty that I am not taking care of business. I continually "should" on myself. I should be working. I should be engaging with the kids. I should be sitting on a beach somewhere sipping a margarita...

No guilt here!

I miss my work lunches and breaks.  There is zero time for myself working from home. Nap time = work. Bed time = work. Weekends = work. Working from home means being logged in whenever I get a spare moment, which is for 1 hour from 1-2pm or after 9pm at night. This can really take my bitchiness to a whole new level. So about that margarita...

At least I don't have to deal with crappy office equipment.

 

I wouldn't change it for anything. It's stressful, chaotic, and exhausting. I am on call as mom and worker 24/7. I spend all day with my kids, which makes me want to scream, but I get to see the baby do a push up on tummy time for the first time, I get to hear the toddler's new words "Oh cool!" and I get to wear my yoga pants all day.  What's not to love?

I love this little guy and his mastery of head holding!

Anyone have anything to add?  Please share it on facebook or in the comments below.

Week 6: Controlled Chaos

So things are “…getting better all the ti-i-ime…” – Beatles, if you didn’t recognize the reference.

Sorry for the lag in posts. Our internet has been on and off for about a week. It was down in the whole area yesterday so maybe they finally fixed it. .

Ketcher is cuddly and lovable!  He still smiles at the ceiling the for the most part, but there have a few social smiles here and there. 

"What? The ceiling is pretty sweet. Don't knock it till you try it!"

 His favorite activities are the swing and bath time… oh and eating of course. 

"Yes we just love bath time can't you tell by the looks on our faces?"

He is also finally falling into a manageable routine. He wakes and eats, 90 minutes or less later, I put him down to sleep. The only time of day he may not fall asleep, or stay asleep long, is early evening.  He is consistently asleep around 9pm and will sleep for 6 hours, until about 3am. If I am luckily he will sleep another 3 hours (until 6:30) but that is not very consistent yet.

Now that he is sort of predictable it makes life so much easier!!

Kenzie is in a language explosion right now. We hear at least 2 new words per day. Today (so far) is “ear” and “happy.”  She has mastered “up” and if I say “one” she says “two” and “three” (which sounds more like “fee”.)

"Did someone say explosion?"

 As for taming the ongoing toddler tantrums, I am half way through the book “Positive Discipline: The first three years” and the methods are working awesome! Here’s an example from yesterday:

                I made a PB&J for lunch but she wouldn’t eat it, because I cut it into tiny squares instead of feeding it to her. 

                I realized that even though I know what I want her to do, she may not know. So I said. “Kenzie it would make Mommy happy if you ate your sandwich.” 

                Kenzie said. “Happy.” 

                I repeated. “Yes, it would make mommy happy if you ate your sandwich.”

                She sat down and ate the whole thing.

That’s not the only example. She has also been hitting and kicking lately. Not in a malicious way but it is still irritating. So here is what happened yesterday:

                

               Kenzie walks over swinging her arms at my face.

                I grabbed her hand out of the air and touched my face with it. I said. “Gentle.”

                She smiled and walked away.

                A few minutes later she came back over, arm raised… then she put her hand on my face gently.

                Today she hasn’t swung her arms once but she has put her hands on our faces and patted lightly.  

How could this cheesy face be malicious?

She just needs some guidance I guess. I am trying to reroute the kicking today. She just loves to put her feet on everything… snack trays, me, Ketcher, expensive ipads, computers, phones, etc. So we are working on using our feet for dancing instead. We will see…

"I really don't mean to step on your expensive electronics... tee hee!"

I started working out again yesterday. I figured I would start light by doing the 30 day fitness challenges.  I started the ab and squat one yesterday and today I am adding planks and arms. This is probably my favorite activity of the day, because Kenzie tries to do the workouts with me. I will attempt to take some pictures of video this week.

In another two weeks we will begin our eating plan. Until then the only goal is cut out sugar, which is hard because I seriously NEED my 11am cherry coke. Maybe I will start cutting that out tomorrow... or next week.

"Low sugar, low carb, diet sounds awesome... said no one, ever."

Why I baby bunched...

Yes to most it seems totally nuts that I had two children so close in age. Kenzie and Ketcher are 18 months apart and my life is total chaos. So why did I choose to have two? Why have two so close in age? Why am I bitching about it, when I am the one that decided to do this in the first place?

Let me explain...

First of all, let's quickly back up to my childhood. My brother and sister are so much older than me that technically I would be considered an only child. My favorite memories are with my siblings: Playing hide and seek with dart guns, listening to records and dancing around the kerosene heater. I want my kids to have great family memories they can reminisce about with each other.

1980 something... my siblings and I camping
(or an 80s commercial for Froot Loops)

When trying to decide IF we should have kids, we decided if we are going to have one, we better have two.

When I look back at my journal from Kenzie's first year, she was 12 weeks old when I was ready to start on #2. She was sleeping through the night and had a consistent nap schedule during the day. Everything seemed so easy.

Kenzie at 3 months, look at that face. How could I not want more?

If I would have waited until now to start trying, NO WAY I would have wanted to throw another kid in the mix yet. However, it's been 1 month with 2 babies and things are starting to get much easier.

Other reasons for two under two:

• I don't want to get out of the baby phase and then have to get back into it.
• The equipment like car seats, cribs, highchairs have expiration dates.  Safety requirements change, and I don't want to have to buy more.
• I am done being pregnant, forever. YAY!
• They might be interested in the same activities.
• They might not need me to entertain them constantly. It's possible there may be a moment or two in my future that I am not the sole source of entertainment.
• Safety in numbers.
• If they are too embarrassed to come to their parents with something at least they can talk to each other.
• I wanted the first child to not really remember life without the other. I read that having them under two years apart limits jealousy. We will see...

The new family! Kenzie and Ketcher might need a little more time to let it sink in.

There are arguments for every spacing age you can imagine. Every family has their own perfect size.  Yes for all interested parties, we are done having kids... forever.

First month has come and gone

1 month bites the dust! Good riddance!

Ketcher - 1 month old!

Sleeping - He spent 3 weeks waking every 2-2.5 hours to eat. At 3 weeks he started sleeping at night in 4 hour stretches. A few days ago he slept 8:30 to 4:30... 8 hours! I probably would have woke him to feed him at least once, but I kept on sleeping. This week he has had a consistent 6 hour stretch at night and I will take it, the worst is over! Hizzah! 

No more tears during bath time either! 

Playing - Tummy time only lasts a few minutes right now. He hates it for the most part but I will keep trying. Today he did spend about 15 minutes on the playmat for the first time without crying. He was batting the dangling toys (unintentionally) and looking at himself in the mirror. It was a nice change to see him awake and not crying.

Eating - The boy loves to eat! He also loves to poop. So much poop...

For all interested parties his beautiful dark brown hair has started falling out, so we will have another bald baby until his mystery hair color comes in next year.

Oh no! Not my hair!!!

Kenzie - 18.5 months

The cure for toddler tantrums = lots of outdoor time. We spend about 3 hours per day, rain or shine, outside. The morning is spent at the playground and the afternoon is spent on a long stroller ride.

Happy girl as long as she is outside.

Yesterday afternoon was rainy and ugly. I suited all of us up in our rain gear and headed out for our long walk. I saw about 5 other people outside in the rain, all of them had toddlers!  It is very clear that staying inside with your toddler is WAAAAAY worse than getting rained on.

As for her verbal skills, she is picking up a few new words a week. She is also picking up hundreds of new words she can't say yet.

Here is a funny example of what we don't realize she picks up:
She was sitting on the counter while Dan made her a sandwich this weekend.
He said. "Where are the flowers?"
Kenzie pointed to the flowers.
Dan said. "BOOYAH!"
Kenzie pointed to our Buddha statue sitting on the counter.
Booyah does sound a whole lot like Buddha.
We were both cracking up!

Kudos Kenzie... kudos

Me - 10 lbs to go...

Workouts - I have 2 more weeks until the doc gives me the go-ahead for working out. Right now my workouts consist of about 1.5 hours of walking while pushing a 75 lb stroller, and running around the playground. Pretty much the coolest workout ever!

4 slides, a rock wall, swings... what better gym could a gal ask for?

Diet - cherry cokes and cheez-its. Ok so there are a few more meals in there, but the reality is that I have been eating really crappy for far too long. It's time to get my meal plan together now so I can hit the ground running in 2 weeks. Stay tuned...

The cure for boredom

Dan went back to work so I am back in the saddle again. Ok maybe not "in the saddle," more like being dragged by the foot still strapped in the saddle.

Eiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

My concept of dates and time cease to exist. Nursing sessions feel like hours, nap time feels like seconds. I know it’s the afternoon because that’s when the rain rolls in. There are no moments not taken up by one or both of the kids.

I wake to Ketcher crying to be fed at 5am. I fall asleep at 10pm when he finally nods off for the night. Of course there may be 1-2 feedings in the middle of the night, but at this point I am skilled enough to pull off a feeding and diaper change without really waking up.

"What else is she asleep during?!"

My days are taken up with the art of toddler distractions. When I feed Ketch, Kenz and I play the “where’s the…” game. She loves it and it takes no effort. I name something in the room and she points to it. She knows couch, light, lamp, quilt, door, ceiling, carpet, bassinet, ottoman, window, plant, guitar, tree, mandolin, banjo, chair, table, TV, Ketcher, mommy, remote… the list goes on and on. We do the same thing in the bath if she gets fussy.

I can’t believe I used to sit and watch TV, work, read, or workout. I used to get bored. I can’t imagine being bored any more. I barely have time to eat and as any parent knows, I can't even use the bathroom alone.



"You think you got it bad, at least you can wipe your own butt!"

My bookkeeping business, which consists of 1 employee... me, has picked up another client, so in the highly unlikely event that both children are asleep at the same time, I am working. Right now I am writing this post as I make a lasagna for dinner and Kenzie is playing loudly in her room. Ketcher is asleep in the swing (thank God for the swing!!!) and the dogs are quietly sulking upstairs.  

So what's the cure for boredom?  Have 2 children 18 months apart. I promise you will not be bored. Teetering on the brink of insanity, but never ever bored.