What to really be scared of after delivery

This is for all the pregnant moms I have been scaring with my posts lately. 

Ketch and his giant hand.
(It's just the camera angle.)

I just need to clarify a few things:

First of all, there is nothing more amazing than the newborn stage with your first baby. Yes, you have to deal with constant sleep deprivation for the first time ever, but you also get to experience the first smile, the first head turn, the first giggle. You also really learn what it means to love unconditionally. It is a feeling so fierce, so scary and so wonderful it makes every poopy diaper and 3am crying session able to be forgotten.  Just ask any parent who has children that are grown and gone. No one remembers the bad, because there is so much good.

Second of all, I have a toddler to chase around all day long, as well as, the sleepless nights. Sleep deprivation and hormones make for a really emotional roller coaster. It is healthy to be able to express your emotion, but instead I have to suppress it because there is enough emotion going on in this house without me adding to it.

Third, there are a lot of things I can't do right now because of Ketcher's oxygen tank. Some examples include putting Ketcher in a sling, so I can still get things done when he is awake. Or even going for a walk... I could do it but it would take me longer to prep the stroller, both kids, and hook up the travel oxygen than the actual walk. Even something as simple as sitting on the porch requires manual labor to move the tank and get setup outside in a way that doesn't involve tangled cords.

I am having a wonderful time connecting with my new baby.  Night feedings are almost a blessing, because they are the only time I am not distracted while I feed him. You will find that watching your sleeping baby smile and frown and make all kinds of faces is just one of life's simple and profound pleasures. That goes by so fast, make sure you get some video of it.

"Oh, not the belly pushing!"

Even with all the nasty spewing out of Kenzie there are still so many moments that make me so glad to be her mom. Tonight I was putting her to bed, and I was giving her raspberries on her cheek.  She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a big kiss and started laughing like crazy. She didn't want to let me go. We were both laughing and it was just one of those moments you catalog in your memory.  I won't remember the epic the tantrum at target, but I won't forget that first real bedtime snuggle.

The only real things to be afraid of are the mesh underwear you get at the hospital, when they push on your belly every 15 minutes for the first 24 hours after birth, and the pain of breastfeeding.

The Goal: Survival

My writing buddy
while Dan and Kenz are
out hiking.

We have had good days and some very, very bad ones.

Warning: There is no real lesson or organization to this post. I am just trying to get it all out there in the hopes that someone will have some life changing advice for me, or maybe someone out there, who is going through the same thing, won't feel alone.

Nights are really going great. Ketcher has witching hours just like all babies, but he tends to sleep consistently from midnight to 7am, with only 1 feeding during that time. I barely feel sleep deprived, although my moodiness and short fuse say otherwise.

I am not sure why the newborn diapers are sliding down around Ketcher's ankles. He isn't THAT small. Three mornings a row I woke up and noticed wet spots on his swaddle and his diaper was literally at his ankles. Don't be confused about the wet spots, it's poop. It's always poop.

Kenzie is starting to pay a little more attention to Ketch. Yesterday she started helping hold the bottle when we bottle feed. That is wonderful to see, but she also dropped the tub of Vaseline right on the little guys face, so it's a give and take.

Time bomb is probably an understatement these days. Kenzie thrives on routine and her routine went out the window when I went into labor last tuesday. New people feeding her, putting her to sleep, etc. She is still sick with a runny nose and teething. She is apparently hungrier and more tired than usual, which might be a growth spurt. It's a perfect storm of misery for all of us.

We are trying to cope through trial and error... mostly a lot of error. The goal now is to keep her belly full and make sure she isn't tired. I would love to have on disney movies all day to keep her distracted, but the more screen time she gets, the more of a nightmare she becomes, so we put the kibosh on all screen time.

I have been keeping a bowl of snacks out. Today I decided to just feed her lunch at about 9:45 because she seemed hungry. She gobbled up a PBJ and was content for about 30 mins.

Since January she has consistently taken 1 nap starting sometime between noon and 1pm.  The last few days we have had to adjust her naps times.  Today she went down at 10:15am because she totally lost control and couldn't stop screaming and crying.  I am pretty sure by the end she had no idea what started it in the first place.

When she loses control she doesn't want hugs or comfort in the traditional sense. So without sound or emotion, I take her into her room and do the usual bedtime rituals which seems to help a lot: Turn on sound machine, close drapes, put her in her sleep suit, turn off the lights. She climbs into bed and usually the crying is more of a whimper at that point. I give her kisses which makes her laugh and even if she doesn't sleep, it stops the out-of-control crying and screaming. Although so far she falls asleep every time.

I don't know if it is just because she is 18 months old and this is normal, or if it really is just a perfect storm of stuff happening all at once. We just really want our Kenzie back, that was here last Monday. With that said, I am sure she just wants her old life back. I don't know when we will find a new normal, or what that will look like, but I am hopeful that it will be better than this.

Postpartum feelings now and then

Wow are things different this time around. With my first baby in the days that followed getting home from the hospital, I was in this euphoric, life changing, anxious, sleep deprived, happy state. I wanted to be within arms reach of Kenzie at all times. When Dan gave her the first bath I cried and freaked out on him because he didn't read all the books I had. Obviously you need to read about how to give a baby a bath or else the child will surely drown.

With Ketch I walked right back into the newborn stage like meeting an old frienemy. We knew each other a while ago, and weren't really friends, but it is comforting to be around someone you know. The night wakings are no longer frustrating, the explosive diapers at 4am don't scare me, I fall easily back to sleep after a feeding, instead of wondering if he is breathing.  I even woke up with poop on my hand and didn't give it a second thought. Good times...

What I didn't see coming was the bone crushing, eye stinging guilt I feel over abandoning my toddler to meet the needs of my sweet baby boy. Her world has just been ripped apart. Dan left for Michigan 4 days ago, I have become inaccessible when I was once her favorite playmate, and for the icing on the cake she has a wicked cold. Basically she is in hell and doesn't understand why. Nor can she even communicate what she is feeling.

So what did the internet search on it render last night at 2am?  Let's discuss...

1. Label your toddlers emotions. I did this yesterday as she sat in the room while I nursed Ketcher. She was screaming and crying on floor and flailing her body around like she was on fire. I said. "I know you are angry right now and frustrated. I promise we will all get used to it and things will get better."  I am not sure she heard me over her blood curdling screams.

2. Address unmet needs. She needs her mom and dad right now, and we aren't there. My doc told me to stay in bed this week, bond with my new baby, stay away from stress because it messes with your milk supply. Mmm'kay... and when should I pencil in time with my oldest?  It is incredibly stressful to hear her wailing from the next room and having to feed or change Ketcher. To make matters worse I can't just pick up Ketch and move room to room. I have to wheel a 3 foot oxygen tank with us every where we go.

3. Let your toddler be involved with the baby. Yes this is one I can do, although Kenzie is much more fascinated by the oxygen tank with all the cords and knobs, and not super interested in the baby. Also, with Kenz being sick I can't have her all that close. I cringe every time she sneezes or coughs in the same room as the new baby.

4. Encourage them to express their feelings.  No issues there. Wail away.

5. Give them some control. Yes she is feeling like her life is totally out of control right now. However, when I give her simple decisions to make she doesn't get the concept yet.  Would you like to wear this or this? She grabs both and walks away.  Decisions at eating time are just ridiculous at this age, she has no idea what she wants until you put it on a spoon and bring it to her mouth.

6. Stay calm and appear happy, because they will feel even worse when they see you get frustrated with them.  I like this one. She needs a lot of TLC and hugs right now. Thank God for Disney movies.  When frustration starts setting in a little Frozen will make everything better.

Labor & Delivery

No pregnancy or delivery is the same... supposedly. My pregnancies were incredibly similar even down to the amount of weight I gained.

Labor was another story completely.

I was in labor with Kenzie start to finish 38 hours. I labored 30 hours at home with relatively no pain. Just mild cramping. The last 6 (non-pushing) hours I was at the hospital with an epidural, which left me completely pain free for the remainder of active labor. The last 2 hours were spent pushing out a sunny side up baby, painless, but  it was HARD work!

Labor selfie...

 With Ketcher I was in labor 13 hours start to finish. I woke at 5:30am with contractions that were 10 minutes apart. By 10am the contractions were strong enough to make me breathless and they were 6 minutes apart. I was 4 cm and the doc sent me straight over to the hospital because she could already feel the baby's head pushing down. When I got the epidural they were coming at 4 minutes apart at 1pm. Then things slowed way down. The pain went away with the epidural and I could feel myself getting more and more hungry.

Dan secretly gave me some yogurt pretzels at 4:00pm and then within 10 minutes we could see on the monitor the contractions were coming steady at 2 minutes apart. It's amazing what a little food will do for labor. At 6:00pm the doc came in broke my water and said we are ready to go.

First photo... not happy it took
11 minutes. Impatient already.

Oh the pain! I could feel tons of pressure in my hips. It was excruciating. At 6:24pm she came back in the room in her scrubs and said. "Ready to push?" I said. "I'm ready to put this med button to up my epidural!"  They wouldn't let me, even though I was in tons of pain. They had me push in my next few contractions and 11 minutes later Ketcher James Young was born.

I honestly can't say the faster labor was better, but the recovery is 120% better!  The first 24 hours were uncomfortable and after that, I felt like me again. A weepier, more sleep deprived version... but me.

 My beautiful boy

So far it hasn't been easy but I will get to that later. This blog has been very therapeutic for me and it will continue to get me through the rough newborn weeks. Thanks for reading and for all the support.

My 2 favorite guys.

So it begins...

This is our hospital lobby. How
can you not be relaxed?

A quick update this morning...

Dan has to leave for a funeral on Thursday so I bumped my doctors appointment up to Monday and requested a membrane sweep in the hopes of moving things along.

If you are pregnant and reading this, I highly recommend you keep a journal. I referenced my Kenzie pregnancy journal a ton during this pregnancy. What I had forgotten was that I had this done with her and I was in labor 24 hours later. So I had a good feeling it would work again.

This morning I woke up to my first organized contractions. Every 10 mins, lasting for about 1 minute.  I still have a long way to go but at least things are moving.

A short Kenzie update:
Grandma got here Sunday to be with her and the dogs for when I went to the hospital. Kenzie is totally in love and dragging her all over the house.

After being sick, she got stuck in a middle of the night cycle of waking up and crying for no reason. So last night we had to just let her settle herself back down without going in. It took an hour of on-off crying but she fell back asleep and is currently sleeping to a normal wake up time. (Instead of 5am like the last 2 days)

Grandma is certain Kenzie is saying tons of words, although Dan and I haven't heard any of them. So we are calling her the toddler whisperer. If she can get Kenzie to talk in sentences by the end of her visit, then by all means, have at it!!

Her top 2 molars broke through over the weekend so things have been much more pleasant all around.

That's it for now. I will update everyone after the delivery!!!

The one thing I will NEVER do as a parent

Before we are thrown into parenting, aren't we all a bit judgy?  We have no idea what it's really like to try and meet someone's needs 24/7, while keeping our own sanity. 

Well the judgment stops here. Sometimes we need to just focus on survival. Here is my list of things I would "never" do...

"I will NEVER let my child watch TV until they are 2 years old and even then it will only be for a few minutes."
Ha ha ha! I did adhere to a strict no TV policy for the first year.  After Kenzie turned 13 months I introduced Sesame Street, and not even for her enjoyment. It was because she went down to 1 nap a day, and I just needed an extra break. Those glorious 50 minutes are spent prepping dinner, cleaning up, working, or just sitting next to her cuddling and talking about what we are watching.

TV time with static hair...

"I will NEVER child proof my kitchen. I will teach my kids to not get into cupboards without my permission."
Yeah right... After 3 months of cleaning up after her wake in the kitchen, I decided it was a sanity
issue and I promptly ordered and installed cabinet locks.  She can still get into the drawers, and a few cabinets, but luckily she doesn't.

She can still get into the pots and pans.

"I will NEVER let my kid scream and carry on in public."
Her public tantrums are just starting, and although I do get a twinge of panic, I let her go and ignore it because trying to stop it is just giving in.

This was way before temper tantrums... but this photo always makes me laugh. 

"I will NEVER change my entire life to revolve around my kid."
This is good in theory, however if I didn't schedule my entire life around Kenzie's naps and bedtime for her first year, she wouldn't be the good sleeper she is now.

Nothing I like more, than a napping baby.

"I will NEVER feed my kids anything other than organic whole foods."
Where is the leftover Kraft mac n cheese?! My daughter is hungry and I have 10 seconds before her next melt down. There goes that...

Mmm powdered cheese...

I do realize that I still have one "I will never...".  I will never, ever say "never".

For your viewing pleasure, my favorite video of Kenzie watching TV. 

 

 

I was totally grossed out by that, but now I have kids.

With Kenzie getting the stomach flu, I was inspired and intrigued to make a list of all those things that I was totally grossed out by... before I had kids. My childfree friends will continue to be grossed out by this stuff, while my parent friends laugh about it. 

My list of stuff I was totally grossed out by, but now I have kids:

1. Explosive diarrhea.  Totally gross, but now I think "Hey, better out than in!"

2. Vomit. Still smells gross, but now I just feel terrible for my kid that's vomiting.

3. Getting poop on me.  Sh** happens, especially at a 3am diaper change in the dark. As long as it doesn't transfer to your face while you sleep, it's a win.

4. Boogers. See #1.  I pull out more boogers with my fingers than with the bulb syringe which only works about 10% of the time anyway.

5. Snot. Not to be confused with the clumpy consistency of boogers. Snot is a whole other ball game. If I don't take the time to suction it out with the nose frieda it will be running down her face for the next 2 hours. If we are out and about and I see her nose run, I don't think twice about wiping her face with my hand.



3 months old, had this dress on for 3 minutes
spit up all over it.

6. Leaking fluids. I am not just talking about kids fluids. If you have ever made it through a pregnancy and given birth, fluids of any kind won't phase you.

7. Spit up. So much better than vomit, so much more frequent than any new parent could imagine. Get the burp cloths ready and hope it isn't projectile.

8. Car keys in a baby's mouth. Kenzie has chewed on our car keys since the time she could grab. They have fallen on countless floors, sat at the bottom of dirty purses, and been in plenty of dirty hands. Still, if needed they are always a source of her pleasure.

9. Food eaten off the floor. The snack cups with rubber lids, what a joke!  One hand in, and a handful of puffs fly all over the floor. Well, that's a $4 snack all over the floor, and the dogs are upstairs, so sure Kenz, have at it!




10. The Nose Frieda. A tube to suction out the snot, using your mouth. That's right! I would have said "Hell No!" before I had kids. Now I am considering buying a second one so I can keep one in each kids room. Goody!

So gross, right?

11. Ear wax. Someone's gotta clean it out.

12. Poop in general. When your baby poops, you learn to study the color and consistency to make sure they are healthy. When they are toddlers you get excited to clean up the potty seat they just pooped in. Poop is a great thing!

Moms and Dads have anything to add?  Comment below or post it on facebook.

I missed the cup... Twice

Time for an update. If you have been following my facebook posts, don't worry I won't go too debbie downer in this post.

Pregnancy, 38 weeks, 143 lbs

I am sick with a cold which is horrible.  The worst part is wetting myself when I cough or sneeze. Like I needed one more thing to be embarrassed about. 

My doctors appointment was this morning, and she decided to torture me by having me give not one, but two urine samples. Since I can't see what I am doing down there, I ended up peeing all over my hands the first time, and somehow the floor the second time. That will teach her to order 2 samples. Just kidding, I grudgingly cleaned up after myself.

Otherwise baby seems well. Docs are a little concerned that I am measuring small right now, but they are going to wait and see how I have grown next week.  They said it's best not to do anything while I am sick. 

Kenzie, 17 months, 20 lbs
She woke last night with the stomach flu and it continued through the morning. She is napping right now, so we will see how the afternoon goes.

The toddler bed is going great. Although she naps all throughout her room. Mostly in her reading chair, and yesterday on the floor, next to the ladybug light her grandma sent her. Bedtime hasn't changed at all and she doesn't get up at night. 

We are dealing with a perfect storm of teething.  Her bottom molars and top canines are all coming in at once. Nothing has broken through yet and she is in lots of pain. She can be playing quietly one minute and on the floor crying in an instant. There isn't much we can do except Tylenol and let her munch on frozen blueberries.  The house will be covered in purple finger prints by the time these teeth appear. 

Dan, too old to be this clueless, about to have a LOT less time to work out 

Dan is starting to realize what the weeks will entail after the new baby gets here. He took 3 weeks off work to "help out." Sure. We had our first conversation about post baby, which he initiated:

     Dan: So... what's going to happen once you have this baby?
     Me:  What do you mean?
     Dan: How will you take care of Kenzie in the morning?
     Me:  I won't. You will.
     Dan: What? Every morning?
     Me: 7am every morning you will need to be in her room.
     Dan: Do I have to sleep with the monitor?  Can I just set my alarm?
     Me:  No this is isn't a job, this is parenting. She might wake up at night or extra early in the morning and start crying. You will need to take care of her while I am with the baby.
     Dan:  Oh. I didn't realize.
     Me:   (Getting angry) What did you think your man-ternity leave would consist of?  Sleeping in and doing whatever you want?  You are supposed to be home helping me.
     Dan:  I didn't think about it!  I didn't realize... (trailing off with a glazed look in his eyes)

What? I am exhausted just thinking about all the after-baby arguments we are going to have. <sigh>

Lessons Learned
1. Stop going to playgroup. I started going 1 month ago and Kenzie and I are now horribly sick.  A bunch of toddlers putting the same toys in their mouth over and over again... how did I not see it coming?
2. My clothes washer is amazing! Blueberry vomit all over sheets, sleep suit, white pajamas and Ernie. All came out sparkly clean using the stain cycle.
3. Get the sick out of the way. If the predicted due date is 2 weeks away, we have plenty of time to get over all this sickness. The most important thing is that the newborn doesn't get sick. So let's just get through this.
4.  Dan is clueless. I have nothing else to say on that topic...

Am I really ready for baby 2?

I have had the luxury of chasing a toddler around almost this whole pregnancy, so when I really consider if I am ready to throw a newborn in the mix, I actually have to think about it.

The short answer is: Yes, of course!

The long answer is a little more complicated.

I spend my days playing with Kenzie and tending to her needs full time (squeezing work in when I can). So am I ready for the guilt that will inevitably come from tending to another child? No.

Am I ready for the panic all over again, when I can't figure out what's wrong, and he won't stop crying? No.

Am I ready to face sleepless nights and exhausting days, with no breaks? No.

Am I ready to start working out again?  Ugh, definitely not.

This is more likely...

However...

Am I ready to get rid of this back pain and moodiness from pregnancy?  Hell yes!

Am I ready to cuddle a sleeping baby in my arms again?  Definitely.

Am I ready to meet my little boy and finally pick a name?  YES!

Am I ready to burn the polyester panel on my maternity jeans?  You know it!

Nothing says sexy like 30 lbs of extra weight and 12 inches of fabric to keep your pants up.

I may not be ready, but...

I will get through the newborn phase, which mysteriously disappears from memory once you are done with it.

I will help Kenzie through the mixed feelings she will have as I hold her little brother.

I will suffer through a 7am Jillian Michaels workout and be screamed at for 45 minutes to get back to my old self.

"Ok chubs... no more cinnamon toast crunch. Get off your a** and  GET MOVING!"

So am I ready?  If anyone asks: Yes, of course!

The 3 Final Baby Names

This is it, we have 3 weeks and 3 names picked out. We know a lot of people won't like the choices, but please feel free to leave your feedback.  We will read all the comments and go ahead and do whatever we want anyway. :)

Hudson - This was my favorite for a really long time. However Dan could only picture this guy whenever we talked about it:

Don't ask me why...

I wouldn't be opposed to having an NFL player as a son, but since neither of us are really football fans, or have an NFL body type it, is unlikely that will happen. 

Case - This became our next favorite. Dan wanted Casey, but that didn't seem unique enough. Plus I am pretty sure he was naming him after the Grateful Dead song, Casey Jones. Anyway, this name grew on me, until I saw another mom that lives in Summit County with a child of similar age with the same name! What are the odds in a county with only 2,000 people? 

Me: "How does the song go?"
Dan: "Ridin' that train, high on cocaine..."
Me: "No we are not naming our kid Casey"

 

Ketcher - The newest addition to the mix. Dan seems to be adamant on this one. Short name: "Ketch"  I google imaged the name Ketcher and this kid came up.  I would be ok that.

We do love fedoras in this family.

That's it, short and sweet. Please leave your comments below or on facebook. All are welcome, good and bad.

Remember he is probably going to come out looking similar to this:

Maybe Hudson would work after all...