Wow are things different this time around. With my first baby in the days that followed getting home from the hospital, I was in this euphoric, life changing, anxious, sleep deprived, happy state. I wanted to be within arms reach of Kenzie at all times. When Dan gave her the first bath I cried and freaked out on him because he didn't read all the books I had. Obviously you need to read about how to give a baby a bath or else the child will surely drown.
With Ketch I walked right back into the newborn stage like meeting an old frienemy. We knew each other a while ago, and weren't really friends, but it is comforting to be around someone you know. The night wakings are no longer frustrating, the explosive diapers at 4am don't scare me, I fall easily back to sleep after a feeding, instead of wondering if he is breathing. I even woke up with poop on my hand and didn't give it a second thought. Good times...
What I didn't see coming was the bone crushing, eye stinging guilt I feel over abandoning my toddler to meet the needs of my sweet baby boy. Her world has just been ripped apart. Dan left for Michigan 4 days ago, I have become inaccessible when I was once her favorite playmate, and for the icing on the cake she has a wicked cold. Basically she is in hell and doesn't understand why. Nor can she even communicate what she is feeling.
So what did the internet search on it render last night at 2am? Let's discuss...
1. Label your toddlers emotions. I did this yesterday as she sat in the room while I nursed Ketcher. She was screaming and crying on floor and flailing her body around like she was on fire. I said. "I know you are angry right now and frustrated. I promise we will all get used to it and things will get better." I am not sure she heard me over her blood curdling screams.
2. Address unmet needs. She needs her mom and dad right now, and we aren't there. My doc told me to stay in bed this week, bond with my new baby, stay away from stress because it messes with your milk supply. Mmm'kay... and when should I pencil in time with my oldest? It is incredibly stressful to hear her wailing from the next room and having to feed or change Ketcher. To make matters worse I can't just pick up Ketch and move room to room. I have to wheel a 3 foot oxygen tank with us every where we go.
3. Let your toddler be involved with the baby. Yes this is one I can do, although Kenzie is much more fascinated by the oxygen tank with all the cords and knobs, and not super interested in the baby. Also, with Kenz being sick I can't have her all that close. I cringe every time she sneezes or coughs in the same room as the new baby.
4. Encourage them to express their feelings. No issues there. Wail away.
5. Give them some control. Yes she is feeling like her life is totally out of control right now. However, when I give her simple decisions to make she doesn't get the concept yet. Would you like to wear this or this? She grabs both and walks away. Decisions at eating time are just ridiculous at this age, she has no idea what she wants until you put it on a spoon and bring it to her mouth.
6. Stay calm and appear happy, because they will feel even worse when they see you get frustrated with them. I like this one. She needs a lot of TLC and hugs right now. Thank God for Disney movies. When frustration starts setting in a little Frozen will make everything better.
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