No Stress Mealtime

Unless your thing is being the health nut mama, you probably dread mealtimes.

The books say "...love should pour into your cooking so your children will be filled up with bliss and contentment. Each whole food is a gift your child will cherish. Sugar is poison so if you give it to your kids someone should call social services on you..." I was paraphrasing but you get the idea.

So there is more time for brushing the kids hair.

First of all STOP stressing about meal planning. Set yourself up with a simple weekly plan. Let's begin with the dreaded dinners:

Mondays: Pasta Night

Options: Mac N Cheese, Spaghetti, Alfredo, Lasagna, Manicotti, Pancetta Orchette, Pesto, etc.

The options are endless. Have the kids pick out their favorite noodles at the store. My kids love mini bowties and wheels.

Tuesdays: Mexican Fiesta Night

Options: Tacos, Enchiladas, Mexican Pizza, Loaded Nachos, Fajitas, Tostadas, etc.

The great part about this night is you can use the same ingredients with nearly every recipe:

Refried beans, taco meat, lettuce, torillas, cheese, tomatoes and sour cream.

Wednesdays: Soup Night

Options: Clam Chowder, Chicken Noodle, Tomato, Lobster Bisque, Chicken Tortilla, Veggie, Bean, etc.

Make it as fancy as you want. Add some salad and crusty bread and you have a complete meal.

Thursday: Make Your Own Pizza

Options: Make your own dough or buy the small pre-made ones. The toppings are endless.

We call it "Pie Night" with "messy sauce" (pizza sauce) and "sprinkles" (mozzarella). It is a win with everyone in the family.

Friday: Leftovers

Doesn't matter what day of the week you have leftover night, but make a night of it or food will go to waste.

Saturday: Stir-Fry

Options: PF Changs frozen meals, Chicken Fried Rice, Beef & Broccoli, Schezuan Chicken, or take-out!

Stir-fry is quick and tasty. Throw in all those veggies that are about to go bad and some soy sauce. You can't go wrong.

Sunday: Traditional

Options: Corned beef & cabbage, Pot Roast, Pork Loin, Steaks, BBQ Chicken, etc.

A big meal on sunday with a main dish and sides will at least ensure some leftovers for lunch options during the week. 

Kids love to know what to expect, especially picky eaters. The unknown, even if you know they will love it, is poison to them.  

This meal may not be a nutritional power house,
but it was put together in 3 minutes and there
were no tears from the kids (or me).

So what do you tell your kids when they ask "What's for dinner?"

Kids: I'm hungry.

Me: I'm about to make dinner.

Kids: What, no! I want oatmeal!

Me: Nope, it's Monday - Pasta Night. Do you want to pick the pasta shape and help me cook it? 

Kids: Uh... sure! (Yes a 2 or a 3 year old is a little easier to please with this phrasing than a 12 year old.)

Let's not stop at dinner. I said I was going to help you and I will!

Lunch is another tricky plan. I have to have something the kids can grab and eat because they can't seem to sit still when the sun is directly overhead. The lunch rotation is a little more repetitive, but it is also the meal that the kids neglect the most.

Mondays: PBJ

To make it interesting cut it into shapes... use cookie cutters or scissors.

Tuesdays: Roll-ups

Tortilla or wrap, + veggie cream cheese or hummus, + an option below

Options: Veggie burger, deli meat, veggies, lettuce, spinach, anything else you can think of 

Note: Keep it somewhat thin and spread the cream cheese or hummus over the whole tortilla to get it to stick together. A toddler will probably just like the tortilla + cream cheese.

Wednesdays: Grilled Cheese

Make it extra delicious by spreading pesto on the bread and adding thinly sliced tomatoes

Thursday: Fruit, Cracker, Cheese, & Veggie Tray

Friday-Sunday: Repeat above

I always give a veggie cup and fruit cup with lunch. Usually they will eat half a sandwich and ask for more fruit repeatedly.

Snacks: Keep it simple

Raw Veggies

Fruit

Cheese Sticks

Yogurt

Fruit Pouches

Protein Bars

Veggie Straws

Pretzels

Goldfish crackers

Breakfast for us is our biggest meal of the day and one that we all eat together, even when Daddy only has 10 minutes to spend with us before heading to work. Our meal plan might be a little over the top for families that have to leave very early in the morning. However... DO NOT under estimate the power of eggs. They cook SUPER fast and they are healthy and kids love them. 

We have a big breakfast every morning: Bacon, eggs, oatmeal, bagels, and fruit. 

We have this so dialed in that Kenzie (3 years old) cooks the eggs, Ketcher (2 years old) sets the table, while I make the rest and we have breakfast on the table within 10 minutes or less every morning. I load their plates with a little of everything and they decide what they want more of. 

On the weekend we try and do a pancake breakfast one morning, or some cinnamon rolls for a treat. 

Need variety? The options for eggs are endless... google it. Instead of bacon use sausage, or ham. Add some veggies to the eggs and make omelets. Do whatever you are in the mood for, just keep it simple.

Apple sauce is always a favorite, as long as
it's always served in this exact pouch.
No substitutions FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

I hope I have given you plenty of food for thought... ha ha... okay that was cheesy... I just can't help myself.

Stay tuned for the next segment in simplifying your life. 

Spirited youngster at home? Read this now.

My happy thoughts... there they are!  

After struggling these past 2 years with 2 very young children, I finally cracked the code. It's time I passed the secrets on so you can make happier moments with your kids every day.

First off, read this book: Simplicity Parenting. It has changed my life and has made an outstanding impact on the way I parent and the level of calm in my "spirited" preschooler.

If you have a "spirited" child, you are probably periodically combing the internet for something helpful to make you feel like you have some control without squashing their independence - or you have resorted to using Harry Potter spells as your kids tear through the room holding your breakables - "EXPELLIARMUS!"

If that sounds like you, the part about looking for help, then I am about to deliver a lot of information. The issue is, there is too much info for one post. I am breaking them up in manageable chunks over the next few weeks. 

Before that begins, let me tell you that you aren't alone. This quest all started with my anxious child...

Kenzie, my darling out-of-control spirited 3 year old, has been pushing testing us nearly every minute of every day and leaving us completely exhausted since she was 18 months. Some of that was because Ketcher was born 10 days before she turned 18 months, and it was truly not fair. However, she was already a wild child before baby brother, and we had no idea how "in for it" we were. 

On the outside she is an energetic, outgoing, happy little girl that loves holding hands, making friends, and doing anything that takes massive coordination. Turns out she's a very anxious child.  Her tantrums were epic... seriously ear piercing, heart wrenching, on the brink of insanity epic and they would last forever. There was no book that helped, and trust me... I have read them all. 

When she turned 3 things did calm down. At first I thought it was the age, but it was the routine I started when we added school time into our day. It was nothing more than an hour of drawing or reading or doing whatever else from our school toys box. That gave our day structure and it gave her something to expect and look forward to. 

As the months went on, our school time changed to play dates and gymnastics, ice skating and cooking class. We lost the structure and repetition and she lost her feelings of safety and fell right back into the anxiety that caused so much stress last year.

I found the book Simplicity Parenting and began the concepts immediately about 2-3 months ago. I can honestly say this has been the best summer since becoming a parent. We are having fun. My house is clean. My kids are calm and content. My 3 year old ate green beans... (so you KNOW it works!)

In the next few weeks, I will help you to find happiness in the worst times of the day:

• Mealtimes - One dinner, every night. End the picky eating. Stop the "I don't want it!" 
• Cleaning - Your house can be clean with two small children, imagine that!
• Calming - Help stop the sibling squabbles and the tantrums before they start.
• Teaching - Easy ways to teach your littles every day.
• Diminishing Screens - Routines leave very little time for watching TV.
• Bedtime - We don't have bedtime issues and you don't have to have them either.

Where should we start? 

Before I go into detail on the list above, I suggest doing these things first:

• Clean out the kids rooms. The more clutter, the more difficult it is for a child to think clearly and focus.
• Go through the toys and toss the broken, sell or donate the age inappropriate, and box up the rest. (you still have crib toys but your youngest is 8... uh huh)
• Use the quiet time box rotation system. 
• Ditch the toys that the kids don't like, or you don't like (that farm Elmo with no off switch has GOT to go!)
• Lose the super ridiculously flavored snacks. 
• Your kids are never going to like chicken soup if they have super-bold, blast-your-face-off, extra-crunchy Doritos at their disposal. 
• It takes about a month to cleanse the palate from all that junk, so get started now.
• Even if they can get that junk at a friends house, it shouldn't be available in yours.
• Start thinking about a routine.
• Are there meals you can eat together? Maybe it's just one parent, but it will make an impact. 
• Is there time in the schedule for uninterrupted playing? 
• Is bedtime consistent? What about bath time? Lunch time? Snacks? Naps?

I will get working on the rest of the posts. What are your worst times of the day? 

My Moment of Terror

It may sound dramatic, but I honestly thought it was over. These were the last minutes we would ever get to spend together here on earth. I had never been so terrified in my life.

............ 6 Hours to Landing................

Belize was beautiful; tropical, hot and sunny, everything you would want in a beach vacation. We woke up early and went to sleep early, enjoying every slice of sunshine we didn't have at home in the month of May.
The travel to get to and from Belize should not be taken lightly, primarily if you are traveling with kids. The departure home started with a 10 minute boat ride to another part of the island.

Taken on the way to our resort in Belize.

A shuttle picked us up and drove another 5 minutes to the airport which was a one room building. Our boarding passes looked like plastic book marks, the kind I would bring home every summer for "Book It" in hopes to win a class pizza party.



One of the airports. Yes it is simply that building in the distance.

The planes held no more than 10 people. They were sweltering hot and had a tiny isle with one seat on each side. These were propeller planes, not jets. After the doors shut it was like an oven. Luckily the skilled pilot would be ready for take off immediately.

The plane ride back to the mainland is about 20 minutes. If you have never been on a tiny plane and have any fear of flying, make sure you are right behind the pilot. It feels much steadier and on some level it's pretty cool to watch someone fly a plane... until you see the airplane manual in the pocket of the door, next to the pilot, and you start to sweat from nerves.

...................... 3.5 Hours to Landing......................

After the landing, it's a 2 hour flight from Belize to Houston. The trouble began as soon as we touched down in Houston. The international terminals didn't have a spot for our plane so we sat there for another 30 minutes waiting for a spot to open up. We started to question if we would make our connection to Denver.

Eventually we exited and headed for customs. Kenzie's customs ticket was flagged so we were sent to the officers. Eventually we made it to the luggage pickup, through customs, back to recheck our luggage and then corralled back through the main security, where I forgot I had a Coke in my bag, and they spent another 10 minutes making sure it wasn't a bomb.

Somehow we made it to our gate before boarding.

 

.................. 2.5 Hours to Landing.........................

We ate Wendy's nuggets and fries (dinner of champions, and people running to their gates at the airport) as people boarded, which I regretted 20 minutes later at take-off. It was a full flight. We were seated right in front of the exit row in the middle of the plane. I was sitting in the window seat, Dan had the isle, with Kenzie between us holding her small stuffed Mickey Mouse.



Taken on the way to Belize in the tiny plane.
Mickey has become her security toy.

The kids were in their PJs so they could sleep, since it was past their bedtime. Dan held Ketcher on his lap. Ketch was wearing his light blue Calvin Klein jammys.


Taken a few months ago.

The plane started its take-off as I absentmindedly cleaned off our hands and faces from dinner. As it picked up speed there was a BANG and a flash of light directly outside my window. I grabbed Dan's arm and said "WHAT WAS THAT?!!" Then the cabin filled with a burning smell and I was sure the engine beneath my window was on fire.

It was a moment of complete and utter terror. It was like the air was completely sucked out of my lungs, I thought these were the last minutes of our lives. I reached for Dan; my rock. When I am anxious, he is my calm. But he looked at me wide-eyed and I jolted my body against Kenzie to protect her from whatever was coming. I was absolutely sure this was it and a moment later we would all be killed by the engine exploding. Yet, nothing came and eventually my shaking stopped.

The flight attendants came over the PA and said "You might have heard a bang and smelled aburning smell. The pilots will let us know what's going on momentarily."

But the plane was in route at this point... how do they not know what is going on?!!

I shook until my teeth were sore from chattering. I waited on pins and needles for them to tell us it was fine. Eventually as the 2.5 hour flight progressed we fell into our normal flight routine of watching movies and eating snacks.

After at least 90 minutes in the air, a pilot came out and walked down the isle holding an ipad. He paused at our row to tell the people in the exit rows behind us to clear out for a few minutes while he tried to inspect the tires.

The pilot had the airplane flight manual up on his ipad.

At 30 minutes before our descent into Denver airport, the pilot said: "Well folks, we think we blew a tire, so here is what is going to happen. We can't tell if it's one tire or both on the right side of the plane. Our side of the plane. The manual says the plane can land with one tire so we should be fine. However, we are going to prepare for the worst case scenario and assume that we have no tired on that side. The flight attendents will be coming through the cabin to explain what you need to do to prepare for this landing. We will be circling the airport for 30 minutes trying to burn off some of this fuel. But we really are 99% sure it was only one tire."

The flight attendants showed us how to prepare for a crash landing:
Adults feet flat on the floor.
Wrists crossed on the top of the seat in front of you.
Head down between your arms.
Kids tuck their hands under their legs.
Head down on their lap.
Babies are held by a parent who has to shield them with their body.

........................ 5 Minutes to Landing.....................

Pilot: "At one minute before landing the flight attendants will tell you to put your head down. Remain in this position until we are at a complete stop. Fire trucks will be standing by."

Passengers: Looking through the safety info in their seat back pockets. Wishing they had paid attention at least once to a flight attendant. Worried eyes shifting to the windows over the wings on the right side. Everyone saying their own prayers to have us land safely.

Our kids: Kenzie being prodded awake and then crying about how tight her seatbelt was. Ketcher, so over tired he was beyond hyper and would not sit, stand or be still for one second. Playing on the floor like he was having a blast.

.................... 1 Minute to Landing ..............................

Instead of using the PA system, the flight attendants started chanting "Head down now! Head down now! Head down now! Head down now!"

It was eerie. Very eerie. It was the only sound until the screaming started.

We were getting closer to the ground. Dan was trying to hold Ketcher on his lap. He started screaming and crying.

I was pushing Kenzie's head down because she refused. She started screaming and crying. Finally I put my head down on her lap with her and held her saying "It's okay, Mommy's here." Repeatedly. She continued to cry, probably sensing the collective nervous desperation of the passengers. I was so busy trying to calm her that I barely noticed that we had landed perfectly normal.

..................... Landed........................

We all applauded the landing. The fire trucks were there in an instant checking out the tires. The pilot came over the PA one last time and said "Well if you can believe it, they didn't see anything wrong with any of the tires. So we are going to taxi in normally and get you all off the plane."

Everyone clapped again as we finally stopped and could unbuckle. We exited the plane, got our baggage and went home, because life goes on.

.......................After Thoughts...........................

I really thought in those moments, with the burning smell filling my nose, that it was over. There were no flashbacks, no time standing still, it was just a realization that this was it. Thankfully it wasn't. It makes you think though. It makes you realize what you want in your life, for me, I want to be a Mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I want to be grateful for every moment that's tender or chaotic. I want to enjoy time, because that is the only thing that is truly precious and completely out of our control.

Mother's Day 2016.
So glad we are right here, right now.

Have you had a moment of terror? What were your thoughts? Did anything in your life change after that moment? Please share! Thank you for reading!

Screen Time Fast: How we got here, and what it has done.

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears, and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call ... The Screen Fast Zone.

Okay that was a little dramatic, but in today's society screens are everything, so this feels like another dimension.

I am no expert on parenting, in fact, I make a LOT of mistakes. I am an expert on owning those mistakes and making them right. My biggest mistake, that I am trying to correct, is too much screen time.

Before I was pregnant with my youngest, I was sure that my kids would not be exposed to screen time until they were 2 years old... as recommended by the academy of pediatrics. However, with 1st trimester fatigue (of a second pregnancy, when it feels like a truck has driven over you and left you for dead), I decided my high spirited oldest needed some form of entertainment.

I started out with one episode of Sesame Street a few times a week, but slowly, and over time, she started watching one episode daily. After little man was born, it was a free for all. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Word World, Sesame Street, and Leap Frog. I would rationalize that they were educational shows. Although she did learn a surprising amount of stuff, it wasn't worth the side effects.

I vaguely noticed that she was addicted. Asking for TV almost constantly but it was the background noise in a very noisy stream of repetitive 2 and 3 year old speak.

I truly didn't realize how damaging the TV was until we have now gone a week without it.

Here is my diary of progress...

Screen Fast Day 1 (Wednesday): It's moderately warm out and I am taking advantage of it. The first thing the kids said to me this morning was "Can I watch TV?" Seriously? Parenting fail. I said "No" and 3 year old broke down and cried. This continued on and off until 10am when it was warm enough to go out for a walk. After the playground, when we got home, it started again. I will not give in...

She's not thinking about screen time here.

After quiet time we walked to the post office, which everyone enjoyed. With all of this outdoor time, we don't need TV at all. The kids still asked for TV constantly at home, but I held out. I can do this.

Bedtime is a mad house. The kids were bouncing off the walls and I questioned if they would ever fall asleep. Eventually they passed out. How can they be so nuts after so many hours of running around? I passed out shortly after working three hours and picking up the house.

Screen Fast Day 2 (Thursday): At breakfast, they started in again with asking for TV. No tears this time though so that's progress.

I didn't get up early enough today to take a shower before the kids were up. I used to turn on a show for them. Today I decided to put them in their rooms and let them each listen to a read-along book. I will be using this method from now on. They weren't even interested in coming out when I open their doors after 15 minutes.

Another day at the playground, and then a walk to the post office after quiet time. I guess not having mailboxes here has it's advantages. There is a snow storm heading our way, I am hoping it misses us, but I am certain I won't be that lucky.

A few photos of the fun at the playground, and one
of them looking through a book together.

At the playground the kids played together. This is strange and wonderful and I didn't have to run in two different directions for 2 hours. It started sleeting so we left. We spent the rest of the day cleaning out Kenzie's closet. TV comes up at least once an hour, but I tune out their requests.

Bedtime was still crazy but Kenzie seemed to settle down a little quicker tonight. Ketch played in his room for a while. Apparently he figured out how to turn on the light so I had to remedy that.

Screen Fast Day 3 (Friday):  Playground again. Thank God the elementary is out for Spring Break this week. I'm not sure I would survive.  It was a Mom playdate morning and everyone came back to my house when it started to snow.  Kenzie broke down and tantrummed when one of the kids was playing a preschool app on their mom's phone. That was the worst tantrum over media so far. Eventually she stopped and played with her friends.

They went a little crazy with so many people in the house. Screaming, running around, jumping, playing... you know, just being kids. I let it happen and it was all good. The other Moms were cool about it. Thank God for other parents, right?

Bedtime was easier. The kids were pretty tired from a full day of fun.

Screen Fast Day 4 (Saturday): Kenzie has changed the most from this screen fast. She actually dressed up in a fairy costume, for the first time in months. Our little fairy then worked a puzzle, which was the first one in months. She has also been singing and humming to herself which is so precious.

I can be so sweet when I am not asking for TV
every 11 seconds.

Our first time eating lunch out of the house was today. Our go-to is a movie so we can sit and eat in peace. It was tough to hold out, but we didn't give in and that was a total win. Kenzie got up and walked around a little, but there was really no one in the area we were and we just let her go. Everyone survived and stayed in good spirits.

It is too cold to hang out outside but we did go to the pet store up here, since there is little else for entertainment.

Screen Fast Day 5 (Sunday): The day is going great. Kenzie asked for TV once and then said "We were watching too much TV weren't we?" They played with a tape measure for a good hour chasing each other around the house with it. It was noisy but good fun.

We attempted a walk, but the snow was up to Ketcher's waste and he wasn't having it.

I know guy, I'm not happy about this either.

We went to our favorite pizza place for dinner which has TVs on nearly every wall. While the kids sort of watched some of the sports, mostly they played with the crayon sets, and painting books I brought.

Bedtime was quick.

Screen Fast Day 6 (Monday): No requests for media what-so-ever. We had a busy morning running errands and Kenzie had a cooking class. That night the kids played together, taking turns pushing each other in a basket, around the house. It was fantastic.

Bedtime was easy tonight after I let the kids say good night to each other. Neither of them wanted to separate and go to their own rooms. It was sweet. Kenzie actually fell asleep within a few minutes of me exiting the room. Ketcher took an extra long nap today, so he took a little longer. There were no bedtime tears though and he mostly just sat in bed and looked at books until he fell asleep.

Screen Fast Day 7 (Tuesday): No requests for TV again. The kids are playing together like best friends. There is still the occasional squabble over a toy, but they are enjoying each others company. Exactly what I wanted with two kids so close in age. Better yet, they aren't coming to me for entertainment like they used to. Also, I can't remember the last time they had a random crazy tantrum over nothing. Oh wait... there's one.

Okay so it's not all sunshine and rainbows, it's reality. They are still 2 years old and 3 years old. They have shown a lot more self control, less emotional melt downs, and less repetitive asking for TV. The very biggest change has been their ability to entertain each other. Unless they are hungry or really want me to see something they have created, they are more than happy to play alone or with each other. That makes me happy.

Good luck to all who enter the screen fast zone, may your lives never be the same again.

For additional reading and the science beyond the screen time fast please read Reset Your Child's Brain by Victoria Dunkley. The book states that interactive screen time is much more damaging to kids... this means everything from video games to preschool apps or simple screen puzzles.

how to work from home with kids

I wrote a comical post about this last year, but really, I get asked this question a lot: How do you work from home with kids?

It definitely seems that companies are finding the value in giving employees a work-from-home option. I assume they figured out that work-from-home employees are constantly plugged in. Our hours are not 9 to 5 but from the time we wake to the time we go to sleep.

There are certain limitations for each person, when it comes to working from home, but there are LOTS of limitations of working from home with kids. I have been working from home since 2012, about 2 months before my oldest was born, and I have some tips for those of you looking to make it work.

My work from home credentials:  I have two small children ages 3 and almost 2. I work on average 40 hours a week. Some weeks are a little less, some weeks are a lot more. I have a small accounting business of my own and I am the lead accountant for another company about 2 hours away. My kids have never been to day care, and I only pay for babysitters when it is date night. There is a "Kids Corner" at the local rec center that I can utilize, but I have to remain onsite, and I have only used this once for work purposes. I navigated working from with newborns, babies, toddlers, 2 under 2, and every milestone in between.

Schedule time to work.

The most difficult part of working from home with kids, is finding the time to get your job done. First you have to set a schedule.  Not some loose guideline to follow if you feel like it. I mean REALLY SET A SCHEDULE. Figure out the best times to work and stick to it. This allows your boss, or clients, to know when you are available for phone conversations and important email follow ups.

Regular daytime hours are a must for conducting business, even if it's only 1-2 hours per day.

My business hours are from 1:30 - 3:30 mountain time, every single day. Occasionally I have an afternoon off on a Saturday or Sunday if we go out of town, otherwise I adhere to these hours daily, including weekends. What do I do with my kids? The 1 year old takes a nap, the 3 year old has quiet time. NO EXCEPTIONS. I have a special alarm clock that glows when the 3 year old can come out of the room. She knows I am working and is content to play in her room with some toddler tunes and a box of toys. (More info on Quiet Time Boxes here.)

I know you are shaking your heads... my kids won't stay in the room while I work. True, if they aren't used to having to stay put they will probably cry and complain, but having a fresh box of toys from the rotation, a snack, and some fun stories to listen to will help keep them content. It will probably take some time for them to get used to it, but they will. Have something special planned each day to reconnect with them after the time is over. Read a book together, go on a walk, color, whatever they enjoy doing. If they know they get your attention after, they will be a lot more compliant.

Obviously 2 hours per day is certainly not enough to get everything accomplished. You will need to schedule work into your nights or mornings (sometimes both). I work from the time my kids go to bed (7pm) until I go to bed (10pm usually). This is every night, including weekends. Occasionally we get a babysitter and I take a night off, but I am probably doing double time the next day.

When you have extra projects it's important to have extra time worked into your schedule. Maybe this is a partner, or family member, relieving you so you can get some extra work done, or maybe it's some extra TV time. This will depend on your kids age, attention span, and your personal parenting style.

The beginning of the month is extremely busy for me, so there is extra TV time, maybe some educational apps on the ipad, and Dad might care for them after quiet time for an hour or two. Whatever you can do, do it.

Schedule time with your Kids.
So you have figured out when you can work.  Now you have to carve out some special time every day to be interactive with the kids. This will help you balance work with home.

Each weekend I try and figure out a theme for week. I look through pinterest and instagram and find some crafts or printables for us to tackle. If I can't come up with anything we have a whole box filled with "school" stuff: Logic games, workbooks, mazes, dry-erase books, puzzles, etc.

My maniacal smile after 2 straight hours
of laminating on Sunday afternoon.
No... this is not fun for me.

This may seem like too much, and sometimes it is, but you will find that if you have something planned it really makes the day go by so much easier. Even when the activity planned goes to hell, at least you tried. It really keeps the parent guilt at bay.

It is fun for them and helps keep us focused.
Free Easter printables from www.overthebigmoon.com.

Schedule time away from the House.
This is SUPER important. At some point the house WILL become your enemy. You have to book some time away to talk to other people. I recommend putting your kids in some fun classes. We have a rec center here that has all kinds of amazing classes for all ages. My youngest is in tumbling, my oldest is in a cooking class, gymnastics, and ballet.

Since Kenzie is 3, she has classes that I don't have to participate in. This is awesome for several reasons:

1. She learns instruction from someone else. It's one thing to not pay attention to me, but getting in trouble from a teacher is a big lesson in learning.
2. I get to hang out one-on-one with the youngest. It's so much easier running errands with one kid and errands = play to a one year old. It's a win-win.
3. If needed I can get a few extra hours of work in per week. I can let Ketcher play while I work, or put him in Kids Corner and tackle a phone call or webinar.

Running errands while big
sister is in class.

The "Do Not" List:
There are important items NOT to do while working from home with kids.

• Don't take on too much work or you will feel like you are failing on all levels.
• Don't try and work while your kids are running around. This isn't fair to you, your kids, or your business.
• Don't try to check your phone/email/etc. constantly. If I am in the kitchen prepping food for snacks or meals I will check through my emails and if necessary, take care of the ones that really need attention. 98% can wait until my designated working hours.
• Do not stress if you are new at this and your boss doesn't seem to be cool with it. Eventually you both will get to a level of comfort and it will all work out.

Put your schedule together and stick to it.
Having a schedule is good for you and definitely good for your kids. Figure out what works for your family and know your limits.

Here is a look at my schedule:

7am-8am Breakfast
8am-9am Get dressed
9am-12pm Crafts, activities, or classes (kid focused time)
12pm-1:30pm Clean-up & lunch with daddy
1:30pm-3:30pm Kids nap/quiet time  //  Work
3:30-4:30pm Run Errands or Outdoor time - walks, bikes, stroller rides (weather permitting)
4:30-5pm kid dinner
5-6pm TV time // Mom cooks adult dinner
6-7pm bath/bedtime
7-10pm Work

Working from home can make you feel lonely like a stay-at-home, guilty like a work-outside-of-home, and immensely stressed. Cut yourself lots of slack and make sure you are taking care of yourself. If all else fails, just be glad you don't also have a blog to keep up with.

Have more tips? Please let me know! If this was helpful to you, or someone you might know, please share. As always, thank you for reading!

#workfromhome #workingfromhome #parenting #WFH

Keep your kids safe from sexual abuse

Sexual Assault Awareness AND Child Abuse Awareness month are coming up in April, I wanted to pass on my knowledge, from the books I have read, about how to keep kids safe from sexual abuse. Sorry, no humor here, but this really needs to be read and shared. If we can help one child from abuse, we help one child live a life free from all the terror and insecurity of being robbed of their innocence.

Statistics: 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys are sexually abused as children. This statistic is partially based on estimation because child sexual abuse is wildly under reported.

If I do a quick calculation on all the parents/grandparents/guardians I am friends with on facebook (that will hopefully read this post) and all of their children combined that could potentially be saved from abuse, we are saving a LOT of kids. (It should be noted that I did not actually do any calculations while working on this post.)

This topic is still considered taboo, however child sexual abuse thrives on secrecy. Do not wait until your child is "old enough" to educate yourself. In an alarming number of cases the abuse began when the child was only 3 years old. The point at which it was reported (if at all - most child sexual abuse is not reported), is not until the child is a teenager or an adult. Years of abuse and coping leaves the child feeling unprotected and abandoned, and leaves the abusers door open to so many other children.

If you can, please read:
Off Limits: A Parent's Guide to Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse

This book should be required reading for all parents, but let's face it, we have very little time. In the book, the author interviewed child sexual abusers, in prison, to find out the circumstances behind their assaults. Nearly all of the abusers had the same answers.

What is child sexual abuse?

First of all you should know what child sexual abuse is: At the extreme end of the spectrum, sexual abuse includes sexual intercourse or its deviations. Yet all offences that involve sexually touching a child (or forcing them to touch someone else), as well as non-touching offenses (showing child things of sexual nature, talking inappropriately to a child about sexual topics),  and sexual exploitation, are just as harmful and devastating to a child's well-being. Definition used from americanhumane.org.

Tips to keep your kids safe:

Here are some important points from the book on keeping your kids safe:

• Do not blindly drop your kids off at lessons, or play dates, without checking things out. Ask questions, see the house, be intrusive. This will usually scare off a potential child abuser. A piano teacher abused hundreds of children, because parents dropped their children off at his house and left. No questions, no visits. He said he would have been scared to abuse a child whose parents had come in and looked around, even once.
• Teach your kids the proper names for their body parts. Child abusers tend to go after kids that call their body parts cutesy names. They stated that the child was naïve and the parents probably didn't discuss uncomfortable topics with their kids.
• Watch for behavior changes. Changes in behavior are key indicators that something is wrong. It could be grades going from straight As to failing. An outgoing, happy child becoming melancholy and withdrawn. A child who used to care about their appearance is purposely trying to be unnoticeable.
• Pay attention when your child doesn't like someone. It is not natural for children to have strong feelings of dislike toward an adult. There is probably a reason for it and it is rare when they come straight out and say that they are being abused. Usually they will say things like "I don't like him." "He is mean." "He is bad." It's very general, and they are waiting for you to take the initiative and ask the hard questions. There was a case where the boy was being molested by his church youth counselor. He told his mother he didn't like the man. The mom got angry and told him not to say things like that. The boy never said another word about it. His mother failed to protect him, or get him the help he needed. Not only that, the man went on to abuse so many other children that could have been protected.
• Do not force your children to hug and kiss other family members or children. They should learn at an early age that they are in control of who touches their bodies. If they feel comfortable and want to give a hug, it should be up to them.
• Teach your child about secrets. Child sexual abuse often goes unreported because the abuser teaches them to keep secrets. Tell your child that surprises can be kept because they make people happy and excited, but secrets are hurtful and unsafe.

Other important information:

The majority (but not all) of sexual abusers are heterosexual men, that know the child in some way. It is rarely a complete stranger. Generally the abuser was abused as a child. This is passed down through generations. Abusers prey on children... not necessarily a specific gender.

Helping a child that has been abused:

What happens after the abuse:

• If you think something may have happened, ask questions, talk about it. It will be uncomfortable for both of you, but they will feel safe and begin to heal.
• Get your child into therapy or counseling. The earlier you begin this, the earlier they will heal. Coping is not healing. Healing is recognizing something happened, surrounding them with support, and finding out what they need to move on.
• Report the abuser. Help save another child from abuse.

Helping the child to heal, not just cope:

Healing from child sexual abuse:

• Therapy is beneficial for children and parents. If the child has siblings, they might benefit as well. If the abuser was a family member, it is possible the abuse has happened to the other children and they didn't tell anyone.
• Healing is a long road. They need to feel safe and that someone is protecting them. There is no single path to healing, with your love and guidance, your child will heal on their own time.
• Spending extra time with your child, in a loving and safe environment, will help them on the road to acceptance and gaining back their self-esteem.

Children that suffer abuse alone can end up in a struggle with unhealthy coping mechanisms for the rest of their life: drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, to name a few... and in the worst situations a greater propensity for adult rape/abuse or repeating the abuse on other children.

What to avoid:

DO NOT:

• Do NOT minimize the situation. Being touched inappropriately, or dealing any sexual situation before they are ready, is something confusing and terrible for a child to have to sort out. Do not use comparisons such as rape vs. molestation, or if you were abused as a child, comparing their situation to yours.
• Do NOT ignore the situation. There are other children in danger. Get your child help and report it to the police to protect other children.
• Do NOT blame the child. This goes without saying, but some people are stupid. Your child, or teenager, needs your support and unconditional love. No matter what the circumstances were they were NOT at fault.
• Do NOT allow contact between your child and the abuser. If it is a family member, it may feel like a loss to everyone to not spend holidays with the family, but what is important, is standing up for your child. Be their hero. Save them from the shame and hurt that would come from forcing everyone to be in the same location.
• Do NOT lose control of yourself in front of them. They need a safe space to talk about the situation. If you start screaming and crying and threatening to hurt their abuser, they may not feel safe. Go to the police, but first talk to your child and make sure they feel safe.

Educate yourself!

This post is by no means all inclusive, please go to the library or jump on amazon and educate yourself.

Off Limits: A Parent's Guide to Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse

I have not read these but some of them are only $0.99 if you have a kindle, or the app on your phone:
Pedophiles Don't Discriminate: How to Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse
No More Secrets: Protecting Your Child from Sexual Assault

There are tons of books to educate even the youngest kids on what is inappropriate:
I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private
Your Body Belongs to You
No Means No!: Teaching children about personal boundaries, respect and consent; empowering kids by respecting their choices and their right to say, 'No!'
Do You Have a Secret? (Let's Talk About It!)

If you are a victim of child sexual abuse there are also a lot of recovery books to help you heal:
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, 20th Anniversary Edition
It Wasn't Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion
Hush: Moving From Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse

There are so many other facets of sexual abuse when it comes to technology. Please get educated and teach your children about the warning signs of online stalkers and video game "groomers".

More resources:

A great website for further resources and information: http://www.stopitnow.org/

Educating the masses? PSA is a company I work for that creates and distributes awareness materials. Please check out their website for DVDs, promotional items, sliders, and display materials: www.psacorp.com.

Please share this post to help keep kids safe.

Again, please share this so we can help protect our kids.

Where is the kindness in kids?!

My hands are shaking as I set the library books on the counter. I smile at our favorite elderly librarian who is talking to my kids, which are eagerly awaiting stamps that smell like chocolate. My heart is beating out of my chest and I am telling myself to calm down... a few more minutes and we will be outside.

The kids look over at me and smile. They are standing on the steps that make them tall enough to do the library transactions all by themselves. Kenzie is putting books in her book bag. She hands one to Ketcher, because she knows he likes to feel important too. They are good kids.

The librarian gives out the bumble bee stamp Kenzie picked, and I can see the kids that caused my elevated stress level standing at the entrance of the kids library section. Their Mom is talking to them.

My kids both say a thank-you for the stamps and off we go. A few more seconds... and... we are out.

As soon as we are in the car, I let my anger wash over me.

A nice trip to the library to return books and get a few more, turned ugly. As soon as we walked into the kids room, Kenzie made a bee line for a little boy and girl, maybe 6 years old, sitting on the dragon perched at the top of the "stage"... which is a little more than a glorified stair case up the wall. I try not to intervene, but I am always close enough to listen to what is happening.

Kenzie: "Hi! My name is Kenzie! Want to play with me?"
(We have worked with her on how to introduce herself to other kids.)
Kids: Looking away from her. Nasty faces. Talking to each other.

I am walking with Ketcher and letting him climb the bridge, which is his favorite part of library time. I hear the kids say "Go away!" I walk over to Kenzie with a colorful book and she is distracted for a moment.

The kids walk around and Kenzie inevitably tries to follow.

"Stop following us! Go away!"

Where the hell is the Mom at this point? Oh right behind us, choosing to ignore how awful her kids are being a 3 year old. Awesome.

I get her reasonably distracted and we pick out some Pooh Bear books, and a song book. The kids are back on the top step and Kenzie runs up to sit with them.

The little girl says: "Stop following us, we don't like you!"

I lose my shit.

I don't give a rats ass if that Mom is in the room or not. I walk over to them, pick up my daughter whose face is no longer smiling, and I said: "That was NOT NICE!" and walked away.

Oh... what I would have loved to really say...

I looked at the Mom who obviously heard me and gave her my best - you are a terrible person - face.

I am still sitting in the car. I haven't put it in drive yet. I need to calm down.. I text Dan to tell him how terrible, once again, the people in this town can be. We live in a touristy mountain town. Idealistic from the outside. On the inside, people can be self-entitled, spoiled, jerks. I don't care if you push your attitudes on me, but I will be damned if you, or your children, are going to treat my kids like that.

The kids are getting restless. I start driving to the grocery store and I talk to Kenzie about what happened. I tell her she is kind, and I am proud of her for being nice, even when other kids were being mean.

We get home from running errands and Dan comes home for lunch. He asks Kenzie about her library trip. She tells him all about the two kids that kept saying: "Stop following us, we don't like you."

Hearing it from her mouth is like a punch in the gut. Sometimes I assume she might be too young to understand what is happening, but that is totally untrue. She gets it. She just chose to ignore their comments and keep trying to play with them. She is kind. We are teaching her the right attitudes. Unfortunately it breaks my heart that this happens over and over again.

I am sure there are mean kids in every town, in every class, in every grade... but why? Why is it so hard to teach our kids kindness? Compassion? A sense of community?

Today I will be hugging the Littles tighter and try to be thankful that my kids are the nice ones.

Thank you for reading! Please support your local library and read to your Littles. There is nothing better than a good book and a snuggly baby in your lap, especially when the book teaches kindness.