Dear Husband - Here is your survival guide

Dear Dan,

I have written up a few notes to help you while I am on my trip. Please read through them carefully. They are merely suggestions but they will make your days easier.

STARTING NOTES
Daily Rhythm:
Try to create a daily rhythm so the kids will know what to expect with you.  It doesn't have to follow my notes, but create one of your own and stick with it. This will make them feel more secure and have less tantrums.

Cell Phone Use:
If you need to use the phone to make a call or answer a call the only acceptable times are during quiet time or after bedtime. If you disregard this warning the following WILL happen:
1. Instant ear-piercing screams from a 3 year old. Your phone may shatter and your ears will be left bleeding.
2. The 2 year old will remove his pants and attempt to poop. If you are luckily it will be on the bathroom floor, if it is a normal day it will be on the carpet.
*Note: The more important the call, the louder the screaming & runny the poop will be. See graph below:


Lessons:
Kenzie's reading lesson should be done in the morning or at the latest, after quiet time. It takes 10-15 minutes. Do not do more than one lesson per day. DO NOT GET FRUSTRATED, DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR PHONE. This is uninterrupted one on one time. Do not say out loud "you suck at this" or any other negative statement you will may think during the lesson. Just keep powering through it. I promise at one point, during one of the lessons, you will be glad you were the first to hear her finally getting it.

I have created 5 boxes of activities for the kids. Use one box each day. The boxes will have craft supplies, activities, games, and other fun. Each pencil pouch has a different activity.

Leaving the House:
Should you HAVE to run an errand, only 1 errand per day is suitable. It should be done directly after a snack or meal and Kenzie MUST use the potty before exiting the house. If you forget this critical detail, she will HAVE to pee at the exact moment your cart is full of groceries and you are no where near a bathroom.

I have found that after making the quiet time smoothies is ideal for a short run to the grocery store. It eats up time before dinner, the grocery store isn't too busy yet, and the kids can bring their smoothies along which keeps their hands and mouths busy.

MEALS
Breakfast:
7:00am wake up time for all. Take dogs out immediately.
7:00-9:00am Breakfast
2 hours may seem excessive but this is the best time of day to stuff the kids full of food and enjoy some pleasurable time at the table talking, reading, drawing, laughing, and singing. The children will eat at both 7am and again at 8:45am. (It goes downhill after that...)

Possible food choices:
Fruit
Oatmeal
Bagels of any size but make sure you call them "green".
Bacon
Eggs
Cereal + Milk
Pizza
Mac N Cheese

Lunch:
11:00am
Possible food choices: (served with fruit)
PBJ
Grilled Cheese
Soup
Cream cheese roll ups

If snacks are given at any point, it is unlikely they will eat much for lunch or any other meal.

Dinner:
Please review the graph in the picture below. Left circle = foods Kenzie will eat, right circle = foods Ketcher will eat. The overlap are the foods that they both will eat.

OTHER
Quiet Time:
Between the hours of 1pm to 3pm (or 30 minutes ahead or behind this time), please use the upstairs to complete any calls, emails, napping, hobbies, TV watching or other nonsense.
Not being in compliance with this measure, i.e. using the living room for leisure will result in "jack-in-the-boxing".  Every 3-5 minutes the 3 year old will be coming out to talk to you about going to the bathroom, yelling at you for being too loud, or just telling you that she "hears things out here." By the end of quiet time you will feel both pissed off and robbed of a break.

Kenzie will need a water, snack, toy bin, and her songs on repeat. Also, please open the drapes and clear off space on her bed in case you get lucky and she falls asleep.

Ketcher will need a clean diaper, his shoes off, sound machine on, drapes closed, a snack, and water. He should be sleeping within 10 minutes, but if he isn't, he probably pooped, unless you answered or made a call earlier and then he should have gotten it out of his system.

After Quiet Time:
Wake Ketch up at 3:30 if he is still napping. Make kids smoothies:

1cup soy milk
1cup apple juice
1 small handful of spinach
1/4 of a zucchini or squash
lots of frozen strawberries
Always use the Thomas the Train and Paw Patrol cups for two reasons:
1. The smoothie eventually turns green as the spinach sits. These cups are not see-through.
2. Hell hath no wrath like a toddler not getting their correct cup.

Suitable activities: Beautiful walk outside (yes use those exact words), TV time, activity box, or scissor time. Use scissor books and pouch on the counter. Prepare to use the broom to sweep up 10,000 tiny triangles.

See!

Bath Time:
Baths can be given at any time. It should be noted that the children will make the bathroom their own water park, so please have extra towels at the ready and do not run.

I won't even get into washing the kids hair without making them cry. It will be impossible. Good luck to you.

Bed Time: 
The greatest time of day. The lights should be off and doors closed NO LATER than 7pm. If needed an earlier bedtime works, just use this method:
1. Feed the kiddos their cup of vitamins - Ketch gets 3, Kenz gets 4.
2. PJs
3. Floss and brush talking about how delicious the flavor is for each. The alphabet should be sung while brushing.
4. Snuggle time in Kenzie's bed. Have her pick 3-4 books and snuggle in with one child on each side. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PUT THEM NEXT TO EACH OTHER!
5. By book 3 Kenzie should be getting really sleepy. Lights off and time to take Ketcher to bed.
6. Read to Ketcher. He may play with his toys while you read, but do it anyway. When you are tired wrap it up and turn off the light. Sound machine on, lady bug on, 25 kisses, 12 "one more hug", a chat with Mickey Mouse, and one last giggle.

Finally... ahhhh!

Done! Congratulate yourself on keeping the kids alive because that's really all that matters at the end of the day. Treat yourself to some ice cream and HBO. Make a battle game plan for the following day. The more prepared and predictable you make it, the smoother it will go.

Before you go to bed:
Kenzie needs to use the potty.
Check on Ketcher. He has been putting toys, sippy cups, and other items into his PJs before he falls asleep. If those items are not removed, he will wake up crying. Also, make sure his water is still on his bed, this will ensure a full nights sleep for you... because you are going to need it.

Love,
Amanda

How to have a clean house with kids.

A messy house is all relative to the person that sees it. I can't be content when the house is messy, which means I was rarely content moving from room to room cleaning up after my 2 year old and 3 year old.

It all changed when I decided to implement a routine, or rhythm, to our day to include both kids helping to keep the house clean. 

I know you are shaking your heads... they are too small to be of any real help... however that's not true at all. My 3 year old is awesome at rinsing dishes and wiping counters. My 2 year old is great at putting things in the garbage, even if they don't belong there, and putting toys back into the appropriate room. 

Let's begin by establishing some routines around the messy times of day:

Meal time:

Any time you are in the kitchen prepping food, the kids should be helping in some way. Even very small children can help by:

• Rinsing fruits and veggies
• Setting out place mats, napkins, silverware, cups, etc.
• Wiping counters
• Sorting the clean silverware into the organizer.

You might need to change the location of some of your kitchen supplies, but doing so will help your children feel important and with enough practice, they will do this automatically for each meal.

After the meal is over, kids should be helping to clean up. 

• Rinsing utensils, plates, bowls, cups, etc.
• Wiping tables, counters, appliances, etc.
• Sweeping the floor. 
• Putting dirty napkins and towels into the dirty laundry. 

Keeping your kids busy doing kitchen tasks frees you up to load the dishwasher, attend to the bigger pots and pans, and get things back in order for the next meal.

Having your kids participate in mealtimes make kids both responsible and a functional part of a family. They feel needed and that is very important for every family member, no matter how young. Having a clean kitchen/dinning room area after each meal will make you feel accomplished too. 

Bath time:

Who says you have to hover over your kids while they are in the bath? Frankly, I find bath time pretty boring. This is the perfect time to wipe down the counters, clean the toilets, sweep the floor, or clean the mirror. Just make sure your supplies are already in the bathroom before you begin. 

Kids also need to help out. Put a squirt of dish soap in the tub when you are filling it and let the bubbles flow. Give them some sponges and scrub brushes and show them the soap scum line around the tub. They will have fun and your tub will be clean! 

I have limited our bath toys to only one basket full (it used to be 5!) and an array of bottles, scrub brushes, and sponges. They come up with all kinds of crazy scenarios while they are "cleaning" and they have way more fun than fighting over a toy duck. Try it!

Play time:

We don't have the luxury of having a playroom at the house, so the toys are limited to their bedrooms. There are no toys kept anywhere else in the house. Obviously the kids will drag and drop toys all over every room of the house, but when it's clean up time, EVERYTHING goes back into their bedrooms. 

This is the most difficult time to clean up after. Each toy they try to put away is like a new toy all over again. Use these tricks when it comes to keeping them on task:

• Clean up time should happen before naps and before bed. That way you can actually sit back and enjoy it before another toy explosion happens again.
• Never repeat an instruction. Say it once: "Put your fire truck away." If they don't do it - which they won't - start instructing them in how to do it. "Walk over to the fire truck. Yes, now bend over and pick it. Good, now walk it into your room." This is shockingly helpful. It's like they know what you want, but don't know how to do it. Or if your kids are older, they will probably not want you to talk to them like they are 3 years old. I don't know... report back.
• Clean up song. Pick a song that you all like and play it every time you want to clean up all the toys. It will be a fun way to enjoy that time together. However eventually you will need to change it because they will probably start to dread hearing that song.
• When you are done cleaning up smile at your kids and tell them how great the house looks. They should feel proud that they have helped to make it look so nice. 

The other stuff:

Laundry - I have to include this because none of us are immune to the dreaded laundry. Having kids means 1-2 loads a day to stay on top of everything. 

Very young kids can help match socks, fold wash cloths, hand towels, or napkins. They can put clothes away in drawers and they can sort lights and darks. Have them help, but if you start getting frustrated change activities. I have tried to let my 3 year old fold hand towels and I just can't do it. (Why can't she match the corners?!)  So I keep trying every few months and eventually she will get it. 

Outdoor play - As a person that hates messes, I really can't stand dirt and sand all over the house. We have outdoor toys that are not allowed in the house. We "park" the bikes in the "garage" when we are done playing with them, which is just a designated space outside.

This will take a lot more time out of your day, but having a good routine worked into cleaning that includes your children will make you a whole lot happier and it will groom your kids to be self sufficient one day and proud of accomplishing the little things.

Make no mistake... there are days I just can't find the energy to do any cleaning. There are days that the kids are helping prep dinner and I am pouring a glass of wine to ease the stress from the day. This is just a guideline to help you get some control over your house again. Do what feels right, but know that the more consistent you are, the less you have to do. Eventually your kids will know what they are supposed to do and they will do it with just a little guidance from you.

More to follow. I highly recommend Simplicity Parenting which is a wonderful guide for creating a less anxious, stress-free lifestyle. 

No Stress Mealtime

Unless your thing is being the health nut mama, you probably dread mealtimes.

The books say "...love should pour into your cooking so your children will be filled up with bliss and contentment. Each whole food is a gift your child will cherish. Sugar is poison so if you give it to your kids someone should call social services on you..." I was paraphrasing but you get the idea.

So there is more time for brushing the kids hair.

First of all STOP stressing about meal planning. Set yourself up with a simple weekly plan. Let's begin with the dreaded dinners:

Mondays: Pasta Night

Options: Mac N Cheese, Spaghetti, Alfredo, Lasagna, Manicotti, Pancetta Orchette, Pesto, etc.

The options are endless. Have the kids pick out their favorite noodles at the store. My kids love mini bowties and wheels.

Tuesdays: Mexican Fiesta Night

Options: Tacos, Enchiladas, Mexican Pizza, Loaded Nachos, Fajitas, Tostadas, etc.

The great part about this night is you can use the same ingredients with nearly every recipe:

Refried beans, taco meat, lettuce, torillas, cheese, tomatoes and sour cream.

Wednesdays: Soup Night

Options: Clam Chowder, Chicken Noodle, Tomato, Lobster Bisque, Chicken Tortilla, Veggie, Bean, etc.

Make it as fancy as you want. Add some salad and crusty bread and you have a complete meal.

Thursday: Make Your Own Pizza

Options: Make your own dough or buy the small pre-made ones. The toppings are endless.

We call it "Pie Night" with "messy sauce" (pizza sauce) and "sprinkles" (mozzarella). It is a win with everyone in the family.

Friday: Leftovers

Doesn't matter what day of the week you have leftover night, but make a night of it or food will go to waste.

Saturday: Stir-Fry

Options: PF Changs frozen meals, Chicken Fried Rice, Beef & Broccoli, Schezuan Chicken, or take-out!

Stir-fry is quick and tasty. Throw in all those veggies that are about to go bad and some soy sauce. You can't go wrong.

Sunday: Traditional

Options: Corned beef & cabbage, Pot Roast, Pork Loin, Steaks, BBQ Chicken, etc.

A big meal on sunday with a main dish and sides will at least ensure some leftovers for lunch options during the week. 

Kids love to know what to expect, especially picky eaters. The unknown, even if you know they will love it, is poison to them.  

This meal may not be a nutritional power house,
but it was put together in 3 minutes and there
were no tears from the kids (or me).

So what do you tell your kids when they ask "What's for dinner?"

Kids: I'm hungry.

Me: I'm about to make dinner.

Kids: What, no! I want oatmeal!

Me: Nope, it's Monday - Pasta Night. Do you want to pick the pasta shape and help me cook it? 

Kids: Uh... sure! (Yes a 2 or a 3 year old is a little easier to please with this phrasing than a 12 year old.)

Let's not stop at dinner. I said I was going to help you and I will!

Lunch is another tricky plan. I have to have something the kids can grab and eat because they can't seem to sit still when the sun is directly overhead. The lunch rotation is a little more repetitive, but it is also the meal that the kids neglect the most.

Mondays: PBJ

To make it interesting cut it into shapes... use cookie cutters or scissors.

Tuesdays: Roll-ups

Tortilla or wrap, + veggie cream cheese or hummus, + an option below

Options: Veggie burger, deli meat, veggies, lettuce, spinach, anything else you can think of 

Note: Keep it somewhat thin and spread the cream cheese or hummus over the whole tortilla to get it to stick together. A toddler will probably just like the tortilla + cream cheese.

Wednesdays: Grilled Cheese

Make it extra delicious by spreading pesto on the bread and adding thinly sliced tomatoes

Thursday: Fruit, Cracker, Cheese, & Veggie Tray

Friday-Sunday: Repeat above

I always give a veggie cup and fruit cup with lunch. Usually they will eat half a sandwich and ask for more fruit repeatedly.

Snacks: Keep it simple

Raw Veggies

Fruit

Cheese Sticks

Yogurt

Fruit Pouches

Protein Bars

Veggie Straws

Pretzels

Goldfish crackers

Breakfast for us is our biggest meal of the day and one that we all eat together, even when Daddy only has 10 minutes to spend with us before heading to work. Our meal plan might be a little over the top for families that have to leave very early in the morning. However... DO NOT under estimate the power of eggs. They cook SUPER fast and they are healthy and kids love them. 

We have a big breakfast every morning: Bacon, eggs, oatmeal, bagels, and fruit. 

We have this so dialed in that Kenzie (3 years old) cooks the eggs, Ketcher (2 years old) sets the table, while I make the rest and we have breakfast on the table within 10 minutes or less every morning. I load their plates with a little of everything and they decide what they want more of. 

On the weekend we try and do a pancake breakfast one morning, or some cinnamon rolls for a treat. 

Need variety? The options for eggs are endless... google it. Instead of bacon use sausage, or ham. Add some veggies to the eggs and make omelets. Do whatever you are in the mood for, just keep it simple.

Apple sauce is always a favorite, as long as
it's always served in this exact pouch.
No substitutions FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

I hope I have given you plenty of food for thought... ha ha... okay that was cheesy... I just can't help myself.

Stay tuned for the next segment in simplifying your life. 

Spirited youngster at home? Read this now.

My happy thoughts... there they are!  

After struggling these past 2 years with 2 very young children, I finally cracked the code. It's time I passed the secrets on so you can make happier moments with your kids every day.

First off, read this book: Simplicity Parenting. It has changed my life and has made an outstanding impact on the way I parent and the level of calm in my "spirited" preschooler.

If you have a "spirited" child, you are probably periodically combing the internet for something helpful to make you feel like you have some control without squashing their independence - or you have resorted to using Harry Potter spells as your kids tear through the room holding your breakables - "EXPELLIARMUS!"

If that sounds like you, the part about looking for help, then I am about to deliver a lot of information. The issue is, there is too much info for one post. I am breaking them up in manageable chunks over the next few weeks. 

Before that begins, let me tell you that you aren't alone. This quest all started with my anxious child...

Kenzie, my darling out-of-control spirited 3 year old, has been pushing testing us nearly every minute of every day and leaving us completely exhausted since she was 18 months. Some of that was because Ketcher was born 10 days before she turned 18 months, and it was truly not fair. However, she was already a wild child before baby brother, and we had no idea how "in for it" we were. 

On the outside she is an energetic, outgoing, happy little girl that loves holding hands, making friends, and doing anything that takes massive coordination. Turns out she's a very anxious child.  Her tantrums were epic... seriously ear piercing, heart wrenching, on the brink of insanity epic and they would last forever. There was no book that helped, and trust me... I have read them all. 

When she turned 3 things did calm down. At first I thought it was the age, but it was the routine I started when we added school time into our day. It was nothing more than an hour of drawing or reading or doing whatever else from our school toys box. That gave our day structure and it gave her something to expect and look forward to. 

As the months went on, our school time changed to play dates and gymnastics, ice skating and cooking class. We lost the structure and repetition and she lost her feelings of safety and fell right back into the anxiety that caused so much stress last year.

I found the book Simplicity Parenting and began the concepts immediately about 2-3 months ago. I can honestly say this has been the best summer since becoming a parent. We are having fun. My house is clean. My kids are calm and content. My 3 year old ate green beans... (so you KNOW it works!)

In the next few weeks, I will help you to find happiness in the worst times of the day:

• Mealtimes - One dinner, every night. End the picky eating. Stop the "I don't want it!" 
• Cleaning - Your house can be clean with two small children, imagine that!
• Calming - Help stop the sibling squabbles and the tantrums before they start.
• Teaching - Easy ways to teach your littles every day.
• Diminishing Screens - Routines leave very little time for watching TV.
• Bedtime - We don't have bedtime issues and you don't have to have them either.

Where should we start? 

Before I go into detail on the list above, I suggest doing these things first:

• Clean out the kids rooms. The more clutter, the more difficult it is for a child to think clearly and focus.
• Go through the toys and toss the broken, sell or donate the age inappropriate, and box up the rest. (you still have crib toys but your youngest is 8... uh huh)
• Use the quiet time box rotation system. 
• Ditch the toys that the kids don't like, or you don't like (that farm Elmo with no off switch has GOT to go!)
• Lose the super ridiculously flavored snacks. 
• Your kids are never going to like chicken soup if they have super-bold, blast-your-face-off, extra-crunchy Doritos at their disposal. 
• It takes about a month to cleanse the palate from all that junk, so get started now.
• Even if they can get that junk at a friends house, it shouldn't be available in yours.
• Start thinking about a routine.
• Are there meals you can eat together? Maybe it's just one parent, but it will make an impact. 
• Is there time in the schedule for uninterrupted playing? 
• Is bedtime consistent? What about bath time? Lunch time? Snacks? Naps?

I will get working on the rest of the posts. What are your worst times of the day? 

My Moment of Terror

It may sound dramatic, but I honestly thought it was over. These were the last minutes we would ever get to spend together here on earth. I had never been so terrified in my life.

............ 6 Hours to Landing................

Belize was beautiful; tropical, hot and sunny, everything you would want in a beach vacation. We woke up early and went to sleep early, enjoying every slice of sunshine we didn't have at home in the month of May.
The travel to get to and from Belize should not be taken lightly, primarily if you are traveling with kids. The departure home started with a 10 minute boat ride to another part of the island.

Taken on the way to our resort in Belize.

A shuttle picked us up and drove another 5 minutes to the airport which was a one room building. Our boarding passes looked like plastic book marks, the kind I would bring home every summer for "Book It" in hopes to win a class pizza party.



One of the airports. Yes it is simply that building in the distance.

The planes held no more than 10 people. They were sweltering hot and had a tiny isle with one seat on each side. These were propeller planes, not jets. After the doors shut it was like an oven. Luckily the skilled pilot would be ready for take off immediately.

The plane ride back to the mainland is about 20 minutes. If you have never been on a tiny plane and have any fear of flying, make sure you are right behind the pilot. It feels much steadier and on some level it's pretty cool to watch someone fly a plane... until you see the airplane manual in the pocket of the door, next to the pilot, and you start to sweat from nerves.

...................... 3.5 Hours to Landing......................

After the landing, it's a 2 hour flight from Belize to Houston. The trouble began as soon as we touched down in Houston. The international terminals didn't have a spot for our plane so we sat there for another 30 minutes waiting for a spot to open up. We started to question if we would make our connection to Denver.

Eventually we exited and headed for customs. Kenzie's customs ticket was flagged so we were sent to the officers. Eventually we made it to the luggage pickup, through customs, back to recheck our luggage and then corralled back through the main security, where I forgot I had a Coke in my bag, and they spent another 10 minutes making sure it wasn't a bomb.

Somehow we made it to our gate before boarding.

 

.................. 2.5 Hours to Landing.........................

We ate Wendy's nuggets and fries (dinner of champions, and people running to their gates at the airport) as people boarded, which I regretted 20 minutes later at take-off. It was a full flight. We were seated right in front of the exit row in the middle of the plane. I was sitting in the window seat, Dan had the isle, with Kenzie between us holding her small stuffed Mickey Mouse.



Taken on the way to Belize in the tiny plane.
Mickey has become her security toy.

The kids were in their PJs so they could sleep, since it was past their bedtime. Dan held Ketcher on his lap. Ketch was wearing his light blue Calvin Klein jammys.


Taken a few months ago.

The plane started its take-off as I absentmindedly cleaned off our hands and faces from dinner. As it picked up speed there was a BANG and a flash of light directly outside my window. I grabbed Dan's arm and said "WHAT WAS THAT?!!" Then the cabin filled with a burning smell and I was sure the engine beneath my window was on fire.

It was a moment of complete and utter terror. It was like the air was completely sucked out of my lungs, I thought these were the last minutes of our lives. I reached for Dan; my rock. When I am anxious, he is my calm. But he looked at me wide-eyed and I jolted my body against Kenzie to protect her from whatever was coming. I was absolutely sure this was it and a moment later we would all be killed by the engine exploding. Yet, nothing came and eventually my shaking stopped.

The flight attendants came over the PA and said "You might have heard a bang and smelled aburning smell. The pilots will let us know what's going on momentarily."

But the plane was in route at this point... how do they not know what is going on?!!

I shook until my teeth were sore from chattering. I waited on pins and needles for them to tell us it was fine. Eventually as the 2.5 hour flight progressed we fell into our normal flight routine of watching movies and eating snacks.

After at least 90 minutes in the air, a pilot came out and walked down the isle holding an ipad. He paused at our row to tell the people in the exit rows behind us to clear out for a few minutes while he tried to inspect the tires.

The pilot had the airplane flight manual up on his ipad.

At 30 minutes before our descent into Denver airport, the pilot said: "Well folks, we think we blew a tire, so here is what is going to happen. We can't tell if it's one tire or both on the right side of the plane. Our side of the plane. The manual says the plane can land with one tire so we should be fine. However, we are going to prepare for the worst case scenario and assume that we have no tired on that side. The flight attendents will be coming through the cabin to explain what you need to do to prepare for this landing. We will be circling the airport for 30 minutes trying to burn off some of this fuel. But we really are 99% sure it was only one tire."

The flight attendants showed us how to prepare for a crash landing:
Adults feet flat on the floor.
Wrists crossed on the top of the seat in front of you.
Head down between your arms.
Kids tuck their hands under their legs.
Head down on their lap.
Babies are held by a parent who has to shield them with their body.

........................ 5 Minutes to Landing.....................

Pilot: "At one minute before landing the flight attendants will tell you to put your head down. Remain in this position until we are at a complete stop. Fire trucks will be standing by."

Passengers: Looking through the safety info in their seat back pockets. Wishing they had paid attention at least once to a flight attendant. Worried eyes shifting to the windows over the wings on the right side. Everyone saying their own prayers to have us land safely.

Our kids: Kenzie being prodded awake and then crying about how tight her seatbelt was. Ketcher, so over tired he was beyond hyper and would not sit, stand or be still for one second. Playing on the floor like he was having a blast.

.................... 1 Minute to Landing ..............................

Instead of using the PA system, the flight attendants started chanting "Head down now! Head down now! Head down now! Head down now!"

It was eerie. Very eerie. It was the only sound until the screaming started.

We were getting closer to the ground. Dan was trying to hold Ketcher on his lap. He started screaming and crying.

I was pushing Kenzie's head down because she refused. She started screaming and crying. Finally I put my head down on her lap with her and held her saying "It's okay, Mommy's here." Repeatedly. She continued to cry, probably sensing the collective nervous desperation of the passengers. I was so busy trying to calm her that I barely noticed that we had landed perfectly normal.

..................... Landed........................

We all applauded the landing. The fire trucks were there in an instant checking out the tires. The pilot came over the PA one last time and said "Well if you can believe it, they didn't see anything wrong with any of the tires. So we are going to taxi in normally and get you all off the plane."

Everyone clapped again as we finally stopped and could unbuckle. We exited the plane, got our baggage and went home, because life goes on.

.......................After Thoughts...........................

I really thought in those moments, with the burning smell filling my nose, that it was over. There were no flashbacks, no time standing still, it was just a realization that this was it. Thankfully it wasn't. It makes you think though. It makes you realize what you want in your life, for me, I want to be a Mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I want to be grateful for every moment that's tender or chaotic. I want to enjoy time, because that is the only thing that is truly precious and completely out of our control.

Mother's Day 2016.
So glad we are right here, right now.

Have you had a moment of terror? What were your thoughts? Did anything in your life change after that moment? Please share! Thank you for reading!

Screen Time Fast: How we got here, and what it has done.

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears, and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call ... The Screen Fast Zone.

Okay that was a little dramatic, but in today's society screens are everything, so this feels like another dimension.

I am no expert on parenting, in fact, I make a LOT of mistakes. I am an expert on owning those mistakes and making them right. My biggest mistake, that I am trying to correct, is too much screen time.

Before I was pregnant with my youngest, I was sure that my kids would not be exposed to screen time until they were 2 years old... as recommended by the academy of pediatrics. However, with 1st trimester fatigue (of a second pregnancy, when it feels like a truck has driven over you and left you for dead), I decided my high spirited oldest needed some form of entertainment.

I started out with one episode of Sesame Street a few times a week, but slowly, and over time, she started watching one episode daily. After little man was born, it was a free for all. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Word World, Sesame Street, and Leap Frog. I would rationalize that they were educational shows. Although she did learn a surprising amount of stuff, it wasn't worth the side effects.

I vaguely noticed that she was addicted. Asking for TV almost constantly but it was the background noise in a very noisy stream of repetitive 2 and 3 year old speak.

I truly didn't realize how damaging the TV was until we have now gone a week without it.

Here is my diary of progress...

Screen Fast Day 1 (Wednesday): It's moderately warm out and I am taking advantage of it. The first thing the kids said to me this morning was "Can I watch TV?" Seriously? Parenting fail. I said "No" and 3 year old broke down and cried. This continued on and off until 10am when it was warm enough to go out for a walk. After the playground, when we got home, it started again. I will not give in...

She's not thinking about screen time here.

After quiet time we walked to the post office, which everyone enjoyed. With all of this outdoor time, we don't need TV at all. The kids still asked for TV constantly at home, but I held out. I can do this.

Bedtime is a mad house. The kids were bouncing off the walls and I questioned if they would ever fall asleep. Eventually they passed out. How can they be so nuts after so many hours of running around? I passed out shortly after working three hours and picking up the house.

Screen Fast Day 2 (Thursday): At breakfast, they started in again with asking for TV. No tears this time though so that's progress.

I didn't get up early enough today to take a shower before the kids were up. I used to turn on a show for them. Today I decided to put them in their rooms and let them each listen to a read-along book. I will be using this method from now on. They weren't even interested in coming out when I open their doors after 15 minutes.

Another day at the playground, and then a walk to the post office after quiet time. I guess not having mailboxes here has it's advantages. There is a snow storm heading our way, I am hoping it misses us, but I am certain I won't be that lucky.

A few photos of the fun at the playground, and one
of them looking through a book together.

At the playground the kids played together. This is strange and wonderful and I didn't have to run in two different directions for 2 hours. It started sleeting so we left. We spent the rest of the day cleaning out Kenzie's closet. TV comes up at least once an hour, but I tune out their requests.

Bedtime was still crazy but Kenzie seemed to settle down a little quicker tonight. Ketch played in his room for a while. Apparently he figured out how to turn on the light so I had to remedy that.

Screen Fast Day 3 (Friday):  Playground again. Thank God the elementary is out for Spring Break this week. I'm not sure I would survive.  It was a Mom playdate morning and everyone came back to my house when it started to snow.  Kenzie broke down and tantrummed when one of the kids was playing a preschool app on their mom's phone. That was the worst tantrum over media so far. Eventually she stopped and played with her friends.

They went a little crazy with so many people in the house. Screaming, running around, jumping, playing... you know, just being kids. I let it happen and it was all good. The other Moms were cool about it. Thank God for other parents, right?

Bedtime was easier. The kids were pretty tired from a full day of fun.

Screen Fast Day 4 (Saturday): Kenzie has changed the most from this screen fast. She actually dressed up in a fairy costume, for the first time in months. Our little fairy then worked a puzzle, which was the first one in months. She has also been singing and humming to herself which is so precious.

I can be so sweet when I am not asking for TV
every 11 seconds.

Our first time eating lunch out of the house was today. Our go-to is a movie so we can sit and eat in peace. It was tough to hold out, but we didn't give in and that was a total win. Kenzie got up and walked around a little, but there was really no one in the area we were and we just let her go. Everyone survived and stayed in good spirits.

It is too cold to hang out outside but we did go to the pet store up here, since there is little else for entertainment.

Screen Fast Day 5 (Sunday): The day is going great. Kenzie asked for TV once and then said "We were watching too much TV weren't we?" They played with a tape measure for a good hour chasing each other around the house with it. It was noisy but good fun.

We attempted a walk, but the snow was up to Ketcher's waste and he wasn't having it.

I know guy, I'm not happy about this either.

We went to our favorite pizza place for dinner which has TVs on nearly every wall. While the kids sort of watched some of the sports, mostly they played with the crayon sets, and painting books I brought.

Bedtime was quick.

Screen Fast Day 6 (Monday): No requests for media what-so-ever. We had a busy morning running errands and Kenzie had a cooking class. That night the kids played together, taking turns pushing each other in a basket, around the house. It was fantastic.

Bedtime was easy tonight after I let the kids say good night to each other. Neither of them wanted to separate and go to their own rooms. It was sweet. Kenzie actually fell asleep within a few minutes of me exiting the room. Ketcher took an extra long nap today, so he took a little longer. There were no bedtime tears though and he mostly just sat in bed and looked at books until he fell asleep.

Screen Fast Day 7 (Tuesday): No requests for TV again. The kids are playing together like best friends. There is still the occasional squabble over a toy, but they are enjoying each others company. Exactly what I wanted with two kids so close in age. Better yet, they aren't coming to me for entertainment like they used to. Also, I can't remember the last time they had a random crazy tantrum over nothing. Oh wait... there's one.

Okay so it's not all sunshine and rainbows, it's reality. They are still 2 years old and 3 years old. They have shown a lot more self control, less emotional melt downs, and less repetitive asking for TV. The very biggest change has been their ability to entertain each other. Unless they are hungry or really want me to see something they have created, they are more than happy to play alone or with each other. That makes me happy.

Good luck to all who enter the screen fast zone, may your lives never be the same again.

For additional reading and the science beyond the screen time fast please read Reset Your Child's Brain by Victoria Dunkley. The book states that interactive screen time is much more damaging to kids... this means everything from video games to preschool apps or simple screen puzzles.

how to work from home with kids

I wrote a comical post about this last year, but really, I get asked this question a lot: How do you work from home with kids?

It definitely seems that companies are finding the value in giving employees a work-from-home option. I assume they figured out that work-from-home employees are constantly plugged in. Our hours are not 9 to 5 but from the time we wake to the time we go to sleep.

There are certain limitations for each person, when it comes to working from home, but there are LOTS of limitations of working from home with kids. I have been working from home since 2012, about 2 months before my oldest was born, and I have some tips for those of you looking to make it work.

My work from home credentials:  I have two small children ages 3 and almost 2. I work on average 40 hours a week. Some weeks are a little less, some weeks are a lot more. I have a small accounting business of my own and I am the lead accountant for another company about 2 hours away. My kids have never been to day care, and I only pay for babysitters when it is date night. There is a "Kids Corner" at the local rec center that I can utilize, but I have to remain onsite, and I have only used this once for work purposes. I navigated working from with newborns, babies, toddlers, 2 under 2, and every milestone in between.

Schedule time to work.

The most difficult part of working from home with kids, is finding the time to get your job done. First you have to set a schedule.  Not some loose guideline to follow if you feel like it. I mean REALLY SET A SCHEDULE. Figure out the best times to work and stick to it. This allows your boss, or clients, to know when you are available for phone conversations and important email follow ups.

Regular daytime hours are a must for conducting business, even if it's only 1-2 hours per day.

My business hours are from 1:30 - 3:30 mountain time, every single day. Occasionally I have an afternoon off on a Saturday or Sunday if we go out of town, otherwise I adhere to these hours daily, including weekends. What do I do with my kids? The 1 year old takes a nap, the 3 year old has quiet time. NO EXCEPTIONS. I have a special alarm clock that glows when the 3 year old can come out of the room. She knows I am working and is content to play in her room with some toddler tunes and a box of toys. (More info on Quiet Time Boxes here.)

I know you are shaking your heads... my kids won't stay in the room while I work. True, if they aren't used to having to stay put they will probably cry and complain, but having a fresh box of toys from the rotation, a snack, and some fun stories to listen to will help keep them content. It will probably take some time for them to get used to it, but they will. Have something special planned each day to reconnect with them after the time is over. Read a book together, go on a walk, color, whatever they enjoy doing. If they know they get your attention after, they will be a lot more compliant.

Obviously 2 hours per day is certainly not enough to get everything accomplished. You will need to schedule work into your nights or mornings (sometimes both). I work from the time my kids go to bed (7pm) until I go to bed (10pm usually). This is every night, including weekends. Occasionally we get a babysitter and I take a night off, but I am probably doing double time the next day.

When you have extra projects it's important to have extra time worked into your schedule. Maybe this is a partner, or family member, relieving you so you can get some extra work done, or maybe it's some extra TV time. This will depend on your kids age, attention span, and your personal parenting style.

The beginning of the month is extremely busy for me, so there is extra TV time, maybe some educational apps on the ipad, and Dad might care for them after quiet time for an hour or two. Whatever you can do, do it.

Schedule time with your Kids.
So you have figured out when you can work.  Now you have to carve out some special time every day to be interactive with the kids. This will help you balance work with home.

Each weekend I try and figure out a theme for week. I look through pinterest and instagram and find some crafts or printables for us to tackle. If I can't come up with anything we have a whole box filled with "school" stuff: Logic games, workbooks, mazes, dry-erase books, puzzles, etc.

My maniacal smile after 2 straight hours
of laminating on Sunday afternoon.
No... this is not fun for me.

This may seem like too much, and sometimes it is, but you will find that if you have something planned it really makes the day go by so much easier. Even when the activity planned goes to hell, at least you tried. It really keeps the parent guilt at bay.

It is fun for them and helps keep us focused.
Free Easter printables from www.overthebigmoon.com.

Schedule time away from the House.
This is SUPER important. At some point the house WILL become your enemy. You have to book some time away to talk to other people. I recommend putting your kids in some fun classes. We have a rec center here that has all kinds of amazing classes for all ages. My youngest is in tumbling, my oldest is in a cooking class, gymnastics, and ballet.

Since Kenzie is 3, she has classes that I don't have to participate in. This is awesome for several reasons:

1. She learns instruction from someone else. It's one thing to not pay attention to me, but getting in trouble from a teacher is a big lesson in learning.
2. I get to hang out one-on-one with the youngest. It's so much easier running errands with one kid and errands = play to a one year old. It's a win-win.
3. If needed I can get a few extra hours of work in per week. I can let Ketcher play while I work, or put him in Kids Corner and tackle a phone call or webinar.

Running errands while big
sister is in class.

The "Do Not" List:
There are important items NOT to do while working from home with kids.

• Don't take on too much work or you will feel like you are failing on all levels.
• Don't try and work while your kids are running around. This isn't fair to you, your kids, or your business.
• Don't try to check your phone/email/etc. constantly. If I am in the kitchen prepping food for snacks or meals I will check through my emails and if necessary, take care of the ones that really need attention. 98% can wait until my designated working hours.
• Do not stress if you are new at this and your boss doesn't seem to be cool with it. Eventually you both will get to a level of comfort and it will all work out.

Put your schedule together and stick to it.
Having a schedule is good for you and definitely good for your kids. Figure out what works for your family and know your limits.

Here is a look at my schedule:

7am-8am Breakfast
8am-9am Get dressed
9am-12pm Crafts, activities, or classes (kid focused time)
12pm-1:30pm Clean-up & lunch with daddy
1:30pm-3:30pm Kids nap/quiet time  //  Work
3:30-4:30pm Run Errands or Outdoor time - walks, bikes, stroller rides (weather permitting)
4:30-5pm kid dinner
5-6pm TV time // Mom cooks adult dinner
6-7pm bath/bedtime
7-10pm Work

Working from home can make you feel lonely like a stay-at-home, guilty like a work-outside-of-home, and immensely stressed. Cut yourself lots of slack and make sure you are taking care of yourself. If all else fails, just be glad you don't also have a blog to keep up with.

Have more tips? Please let me know! If this was helpful to you, or someone you might know, please share. As always, thank you for reading!

#workfromhome #workingfromhome #parenting #WFH