7 Things Every Dad with New Babies Should Know

Dear old daddy's life has changed greatly with our new addition.  (See my letter to him when I was pregnant. )

However, here are 7 things dads with new babies should know...

1. You are doing it wrong. What do I mean by "it"?  Everything.  You have your way and I have mine. Mine is right. Okay so I guess I will cut you some slack. The kids seem fine when left in your care... wait a minute... what's that red bump on the baby's head?  The door frame strikes again.

2.  If you say you are tired again, I am going to smash your elbows. Yes I am happy the baby is sleeping until 5:30am, but just because he is sleeping, doesn't mean I am. I wake up because the baby makes a noise, my boobs hurt, I am worried about SIDS, or I had a horrific nightmare about something happening to the kids. The last time I slept through the night was in February of 2012. You don't know tired buddy.

3. Oh no, you had a hard day at work!? Really? Oh did you get pooped on? Did you get peed on? Did someone scream so loud you went deaf in one ear? Did you have to fish things out of the toilet?  Did you get peed on again? Did you have to pull boogers out of someone's nose? Did you have to clean up dog vomit from the carpet? Did you have to change your shirt 3 times because it was soaked in spit up? Did you? Did you? I didn't think so. So shut it!

4. How about a little love for the baby? It's wonderful that you have put over a year and half worth of energy into one kid, but how about a little love for the newbie?  Hormones put me in lovin' overdrive, but how about just saying the words "I want to hold him for a while." He won't bite... yet.

5. Stop trying to get me to exercise. The weight will come off, I promise, so you can drop the act. Yes I am on to your plan. Thank you for buying me those new sneakers and workout shorts. Oh and thanks for bringing in my weights from the garage, even when I didn't ask for them. Sure, signing up for the daily burn with my email address was super awesome. Now, pass me the cheez-its and leave me the hell alone!

6. This ride isn't over yet. "...but you used to be cool about..." Yup I was. Even tempered, mild mannered, I-can-see-your-point-of-view wifey.  Well there is only one point of view in this house now, and it's mine! Muahahahah!  Hormones are going to keep on raging until breast feeding is done, so you might as well sit down and buckle up.

7. This is what you get. When you get home at 7pm I have been with the kids unassisted for 11 hours. I am exhausted, frustrated, and ready to toss the kids in bed and have a glass of Pinot Grigio. Dinner? If it's not in liquid form, I'm not interested. TV? I can't sit through the first 10 seconds without nodding off. Conversation? Let's face it, you really don't care what I did with my day, and I just don't have the energy to give you a play by play of the kids bodily functions, but if you really want to know see #3.

Lay off the Pinot mom... <hiccup>

What have I left out?  Post your comments here or on my facebook page.