 | ||
| She's a really happy girl now! |
Background: When I brought the new baby home, Kenzie was 1 week away from 18 months old. Her language was slightly below average. She could say about 10 words, which made the whole situation a lot more difficult. Also she was getting in all 4 molars... or as I call it, the four horsemen of the apocalypse. 7 weeks later they have all broke through and the worst is behind us.
Disclaimer: Every toddler and baby has their own personality and every environment is different... so what worked for me may or may not be helpful to you. Hopefully you can find at least one good tip that works.
Take care of YOU!
- You need some major positive energy in those first few days, because you are on an emotional roller coaster that is about to fly off it's tracks.
- Wake up every day and know that there are going to be horrible moments... but that's okay. Once you get this through your head it is easier to deal with your day.
- Have an outlet. Have a friend you can talk to that is positive and supportive. Write in a journal. Start a blog. Do something so that you can get your feelings out.
- Find a time every morning to take a shower and get ready. I put on sesame street after breakfast and take a shower then. The baby is used to napping at this time so I can just lay him the crib and he falls asleep. In the early days he might watch the mobile, fuss, or just stare out the window for 10 minutes.
- Make a routine and stick to it most days. This is for you and your children. Everyone feels more confident when they know what's going to happen next. (For an example of a routine see mine below.)
- Make a playlist with YOUR music. Play it throughout the day.
Distracting your Toddler
You will need a plan to distract your toddler so you can feed, change, and tend to your newborn. The first weeks are tough because 90% of your time will be spent meeting the needs of your littlest. Have a few tricks in your arsenal.I read online about how to distract your toddler and here are those tips: (that didn't work for me but might work for you)
- Read books. I tried this but my hands were never free enough to turn pages. Also, Kenzie would bring books over and try and drop them on the baby's head.
- Coloring. Nope... she doesn't color yet.
- Blocks. Not interested in blocks.
- Use a doll so your toddler can feel like she is taking care of someone. As much as I wish Kenzie would play with dolls, she just doesn't. I have seen her feed a bottle to her stuffed bear, but mostly this tip didn't work at all despite me giving her a mini crib, car seat, diaper bag, etc. She prefers to climb in the crib or take it apart.
- New toys. "Have a basket of special toys to be brought out only when you are nursing." There was no toy I could distract my toddler with. She just wanted my attention. That was it.
- Play "where's the..." game. My daughter loves to point to stuff and have me say the words, or point out things that match words that I say to her. This game was wonderful because it distracted her enough to not get upset whenever I would start to feed the baby.
- Make your toddler the ultimate helper. Really appear like you need their help. You need a diaper, you need your water bottle, you need something thrown away. Leave stuff out to have your toddler help with during feeding. Kenzie started throwing away the dirty diapers without being asked. It's great!
- Play the "what's that" game. If your toddler can say words, point to things in the room and ask them to name it. The floor, ceiling, lamp, pillow, couch, etc.
- TV. This is an obvious distraction and should be used as a last resort, but it sure helps when you need it.
Creating Peace in your Toddler
Even if you don't have a baby in your arms your toddler is going to wonder what their place is in the family. Here are a few other ways to make your toddler feel better about the situation.They need to feel like they are needed. I make Kenzie a vital part of every task I do during the day. When I wash bottles, she is right next to me scrubbing a plate. If I am folding laundry she is pulling clothes out of the dryer and handing them over. If I am feeding the dogs, she is filling the bowls up. She has her own broom and dust pan, and we use the popper as a fake vacuum. When I make her PB&J sandwiches she gets a small butter knife and some bread to make her own (which gets fed to the birds). Always include them in the cooking, even if it is just pulling up a chair so they can watch.
Yes, there are some serious messes. Yesterday I left the soapy water in the sink while I nursed Ketcher. Kenzie was in the kitchen for a long time and I knew there was going to be mess. Sure enough she came into the living room soaking wet. I said. "Kenzie are you wet?!" She said. "Happy!" So I laughed and when I finished feeding I went and got some towels to mop the floor. She had fun and got to run around in her diaper the rest of the day. What toddler doesn't love that?!
If your toddler makes a mess, have them clean it up. It's a good lesson to learn at an early age and it makes you more tolerant of messes. When Kenzie spills dog food on the floor while pouring it into the bowls she knows she has to pick up each kernel and put in back in the correct bowl. After 2 spills she became an expert at pouring.
Make time to put on music and dance and play. Being silly puts everyone in a good mood. Make time to be silly with your toddler, you will both be in a better mood. Play hide and seek, have a tickle fest, or just dance and run around.
Taming the Tantrums
There WILL be tantrums, so what can you do while the tantrum is happening?The experts all say distraction. This doesn't always work all the time. In fact, Kenzie is so stubborn once she gets into a tantrum its hard to get her out of it. I have 3 options when she gets like this:
- Walk away. Sometimes just saying bye-bye and walking out of the room is best. If I feel like I might yell or say something shaming this is a good alternative.
- Put her in her room. If I am REALLY about to lose my temper I will put her in her room to scream and cry. I usually give myself a minute or two to cool down and then go in her room and offer a hug. Always put down the baby first in a safe place. They really don't want to see another child when they are emotionally out of control.
- Sit down and wait it out. I do this most often. She throws herself down and starts screaming and crying. I sit down next to her and pat her back gently. Sometimes I say something like "you're frustrated, it's ok" and sometimes I say nothing. I usually try and figure out what caused her to go crazy... like is she hungry? Does she need a nap? Is it something totally irrational like I took off her shoes? Don't give in, if you know the cause and it isn't something like hunger or sleep.
Sample Daily Routine
(the baby is on a loose routine, I also excluded diaper changes because they are constant)| Toddler | Baby | Me | |
| 6:00am | Feed & cuddle | ||
| 7:00am | feed oatmeal | Put
in crib to fall asleep |
start laundry |
| 7:30am | breakfast
with daddy |
feed dogs | |
| 7:45am | daddy
leaves, ease pain with strawberries |
||
| 8:00am | sesame street | breakfast & shower |
|
| 9:00am | feed | pack
up for outdoor time |
|
| 9:30am | Outdoor time - stroller ride or playground | ||
| 11:00am | PB&J | laundry | |
| 11:30am | |||
| 12:00 | sandbox
or sidewalk chalk |
daddy
brings home lunch |
|
| 12:30 | feed | ||
| 1:00pm | Nap | bathtime | |
| 1:30pm | nap | ||
| 2:30pm | smoothie | feed | |
| 3:00pm | pending weather music & dancing or stroller | ||
| 4:30pm | help
mom clean house |
feed & nap | feed
dogs & clean house |
| 5:00pm | help
mom make dinner |
make dinner | |
| 5:30pm | pasta & veggies | ||
| 6:30pm | daddy home! | feed | eat dinner |
| 7:00pm | bath | tummy time | |
| 7:30pm | Books & bed | ||
| 8:00pm | feed
& put to sleep |
||
| 9:30pm | bed
time or work |
||
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