5 Items on your Baby Bucket List

There are so many things to do before you have kids and there are so many lists posted out there about it.  My next blog post is about the ludicrous things some of these lists tell you to do before having kids, but meanwhile here are my top 5 things to appreciate and do more of before having kids.

1. Sleep in now. I am not really one for sleeping in, but now that I can't, I really wish I had.

2. Take long baths or showers. After baby, those showers literally become cardio sprints. You absolutely WILL hear a baby crying as soon as you enter the shower, even if there isn't one.  If your child is old enough to be awake, you feel guilty or worried that something will happen like finding a way up the stairs even though it's gated off.

3. Eat. Yup, simple as that. After baby you will be so busy you won't think about eating. Once your bundle of joy grows up and starts eating real food, 95% of your meals will be toddler leftovers.  Crusty mac n cheese that has been sitting out for an hour... mmm.

4. Watch some movies. Yes you plan on renting a lot of movies, and your spouse will probably be the only one that makes it all the way through. 15 minutes into the movie you will be asleep. Every. Time. Thinking about going to the movies?  Let's be real: Price of 2 movie tickets $16.50 x 2 = $33 + $10 for popcorn and soda (hey you deserve it, see #3) + baby sitter for 3 hours $30 = That's $73 to see a movie that you will fall asleep during. Go see a movie now before you have to take out a second mortgage to do it!

5. Spend some quality time with your friends. I have, sort of, addressed this in my baby shower gifts post. Let's look at it a little further:

Who are we kidding... there will be
no ironing ever again.

• 0-3 months the recluse stage - You physically can't socialize. You are exhausted, leaking, and hormonal. There is no way you will be able to engage in meaningful conversation.
• 4-9 months the schedule stage - Baby takes 3 naps per day, ranging 1-3 hours per nap. You only have about a 2 hour awake window before they go down again, and you have to fit in feedings, tummy time, and countless diaper changes. That leaves 15 minutes. You have 15 minutes to socialize.
•  9-12 months the mobile stage - They are down to 2 naps per day but when they are awake you're just trying to keep them away from cords, plugs, stairs, plants, dogs, and all that other stuff you didn't think was dangerous. Plus you have to feed them twice as much, which is twice as messy. The biggest annoyance is the amount of stuff you have to lug with you. It would appear you are going on a 2 week vacation, when in fact you are spending the afternoon with a friend.
• 1-2 years the trying-not-to-let-my-kid-kill-themselves stage - You are finally down to one nap and you think you can socialize. However, your toddler is now walking/running, climbing, eating items as if they have Pica disorder, and generally putting their life in danger on a daily basis.  Good luck being social.

Not to worry future parents, I have heard you can do all of these things again someday. Maybe in 2 years, or 5 years... definitely after they move out.

Have something to add? Please leave it in the comments, some future Mom will thank you!

The songs that got me through it.

As anyone who has lived with us knows, music is a major part of our lives. We have it on all the time and we own a crazy amount of instruments. Our playlists will probably always tell the story of our lives.

Most importantly, music gets us through the rough times.

I can flip through my playlists and remember exactly how I was feeling at that time just by the mood of the music.

2004:  Soundtrack of my life:  Bring on the Rain - Jo Dee Messina, Build me up - Foundations, Don't Stop till you get Enough - Michael Jackson  - Money was tight and things were rough. Dan just started dental school, we moved from Michigan to Florida, and it was the first time I was truly on my own, with a fiancé to support. I needed motivation and happiness. Dan's sister Claire lived with us and she was struggling too. Our ultimate dance party nights will always be something that makes me smile. Also this memory: Sitting inside listening to music while Dan put up the hurricane shutters in a complete torrential down pour.  We looked at him and thought... oh shit... he is going to be so pissed. But he looked back at us and just started laughing.

2008:  Soundtrack of my life: Life in a Northern town - Sugarland, Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve, Rocky Mountain High - John Denver - Dan was graduating from dental school and we were making a move to the state of Maine. He found a great job, we put a purchase agreement on a house, and we were set to move out. 2 weeks before the move we found out he couldn't get his Maine dental license. He decided to try Colorado so he left for 2 weeks on a quest to find a job and a house. I stayed in Florida for work. He came back with a job and rental house so we packed up our 2 cars, 5 dogs and a small U-Haul, sold the rest of our stuff and drove for 3 days to Colorado.



2011:  Soundtrack of my life:  How to Save a Life - The Fray, My Immortal - Evanescence, Tears in
Heaven - Eric Clapton -  I was pregnant for the first time. I went to my first ultrasound 7 1/2 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I was devastated. Not only was I now sure that I wanted a baby more than anything, I didn't know if I could have one at all.



2012:  Soundtrack of my life:  Girl on Fire - Alicia Keys, Home Sweet Home - Motley Crue, I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons - At about 5 months pregnant with Kenzie our world was literally on fire. The waldo canyon fire that destroyed 346 homes was raging across the street. As we were evacuating with car loads of dogs, documents, and clothes, the grass was on fire along the streets. In my mind, it was the last time we were going to see our house. We were evacuated for a week, and it was hell for us and whoever we stayed with because we were also hauling around our 5 big dogs. If that wasn't stressful enough our house was under contract at the time so we could buy our house in the mountains near Dan's new job. The beacon of hope was my ultrasound during that time that confirmed we were having a baby girl. Her theme song was instantly Girl on Fire.

2014: Soundtrack of my life:  Happy from Despicable Me, Let It Go from Frozen, People in my Neighborhood from Sesame Streets Greatest Hits - Now that I share my life with my toddler it's no longer MY soundtrack it's ours. I try to keep it all happy, so there are a lot of great oldies mixed in like Mr Sandman - Chordettes, Rockin' Robin - Bobby Day, Dancing in the Moonlight - Van Morrison. I know she will have an appreciation for music just like we do, and I hope it helps get her through the rough parts of life too.

She needs some hair to go with that tutu.

A lesson on parenting from a sick child

 

This is not my kid, but she
definitely gets this look

How can that much snot come out of one tiny child? Seriously? How was she able to breathe before I whipped out the nose frieda?

She got sick about a week ago from Dan. Yes, whenever she gets sick I hold a grudge against whoever made her sick because it is HELL on me.

It's just a cold this time but she is so congested, it sounds like she can't breathe. Whenever she eats she has to stop to gasp for air.

When I try suctioning her nose it's literally a wrestling match. I have to hold her arms and hands down or else she pulls the suction out, meanwhile I am dodging her aggressive kicks to my belly. She has amazing head control and can somehow spin her entire body around just using her head. Gold medal Olympic moves.

It's terrible. She cries so loud, but it needs to be done. When it's finished we hug until her hiccupping cries stop, I wipe her eyes, and all is forgiven. She can breathe again, and my guilt subsides. Guilt over making her cry like that, and guilt for the poor baby she ends up kicking when I didn't dodge quick enough.

Dan came home last night after an entire day of on and off battles with the suction. I figured she would run to Daddy with a SAVE ME look in her eyes. The opposite actually happened. She wanted nothing to do with him. She climbed on my lap during reading time. He asked for a goodnight kiss and she leaned her face toward me. She burst into tears when I left the room to get her water.

Today we are having the same battles, but my guilt has subsided. I know she appreciates what I am doing, even though she hates it with every fiber of her being. I guess that is the ongoing battle of being a parent. Lesson learned.

7 Sleep Habits of a Semi-Effective Mother

Why is it so bright in here... it's supposed to be 2:30 am!

Sleeping: We all need more of it.

The only person I know that gets too much sleep, is Dan. Seriously, he started complaining that he was waking up at 4am for an hour or two.  I suggested going to bed at 9:30 instead of 8:30?  Solved the issue. Too much sleep... until I went back to smothering him at 4am with my pillow. Ha ha, just kidding... or am I?




I had sleep issues before dogs, pregnancies, and kids. I have a tried and true system in place to help some common issues.

Can't fall asleep:

1. At least one hour before bed, no phones, no ipads, no TV. Sure there is science behind it, but really if you don't stop now playing candy crush, you might just make it to the next level and then you can't stop. Don't check your facebook, twitter, instagram, or other social media right before bed. Something is going to set you off.  Either it's a photo someone posted that made you angry, or the political rant the hypocrite of the group decided to go off on (Tip: stop following that guy!), it's always something. Turn off the TV, there are much better things to do before bed.

2. Brain dump. I will lay in bed for hours thinking about my to do list, also replaying certain events in my head, or getting totally fired up again over that work email, that I am sure was directed at me. So I started a brain dump. I keep a journal next my bed and when I need to, I write down everything that pops into my head: events, rants, prayers, everything. I have actually been doing this for years and have a log of everything from the first twinge of wanting a baby, through pregnancy, the newborn months with multiple daily entries, and all of the milestones from the last year.  Someday it will be an amazing journal for Kenzie to read. If you start to do this, I recommend ending on a good note. I always say thank you for everything I am grateful for, and when I put the journal down, and shut off the light, that is what I concentrate on when I fall asleep.

3. Read a book, do a crossword, Sudoku, or something without extra light. I love reading so I have to read sparingly. I could get sucked into a book, even a nonfiction, and end up reading hours after I should be sleeping. So, I bought a Sudoku book at the grocery store and I work on a puzzle before bed. Not an extreme or hard one, because I would probably end up working on that until completion... just a medium one. The main thing is to not have extra light, like from a kindle fire or the other ones with back lighting. You could also read a very boring book. Dan reads the classics before bed. Hence the 8:30 bedtime.

I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep:

4. First do all the normal things, like use the bathroom and get a drink of water. Now when you lay back down try and meditate. Just clear your mind of every thought. Do not think. It's hard... but it's the only way you will get yourself back to sleep. Most of all DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR PHONE. That light will wake you up even more.

5. It helps to know that this is perfectly natural. Back before electricity people would go to sleep with the sunset. There would be a wake time in the middle of the night, I will let you guess how they filled that time. That's probably one reason why everyone had an abundance of kids.

6. Adult sleep cycles are 90 minutes long. Sometimes it helps to have an end point. This is especially true with babies, whose sleep and wake cycles are only 45 minutes long. When I wanted so desperately to fall asleep but she was awake, I would count down the minutes, and sure enough, back asleep. If you have just woken up and looked at the clock, this tip doesn't work, but if you have been up for a while just know, it won't last.

I wake up super early and can't fall back asleep:

7. I haven't solved this one yet. I usually try and get things done when this happens. Like if I wake up at 6am and know Kenzie won't be up until 7am, I take a shower, or check my facebook, maybe write a blog post. Instead of getting upset about it, I just try and make the best of an hour or two of quiet alone time.

Of course there are tons of Rx and over the counter medications you can take. These are helpful tips for those of us pregnant, or breast feeding, that can't medicate with a proper glass of bedtime wine.

What's in a name?

long hours and hard work!

We are playing the name game again with baby #2. When I think we've settled on a name my husband comes home with 3 more to consider.

With Kenzie it was pretty easy. Consulting my pregnancy journal with her, confirms that we had her named before the gender ultrasound. If we were having another girl, we already had another name picked out.

Boys are tough. Not for everyone, but for some reason we just can't pick. We want something unique but not too unique. The first thing I do when Dan tells me a name, is to picture it on a resume. I have done HR for multiple companies and a first impression starts with a name.

One of our agreements to having kids was that Dan gets to pick the name. However, I have full veto rights. His middle name will be James, after Dan's father.

What's in a name? A lot of hard work and hours spent looking up meanings. Here are a handful of names that were ultimately vetoed: (and the images that pop into my mind when I hear that name)

Henry - this is a great name, but it certainly doesn't have the uniqueness I wanted.  It is still in the distant running, but only if the baby comes out with a crown and scepter.







Quigley -  seriously I am not joking.  I laughed when he said it, because I thought he was joking. He wasn't. I promptly vetoed it. I don't know who this guy is... but it seemed fitting.









Finch - I can't picture anyone other than David Spade in Just Shoot Me. When I think of Finch I think of junior high swirlies. Not gonna happen!

Fitz - I don't know why, but every 3rd name or so, he tries pulling out Fitz. He has tried Fitzgerald, Fitzpatrick, and Honeyfitz. Honeyfitz?  Really? This poor boy wouldn't stand a chance unless he was wearing a top hat and monocle.

Kilian - This one is still in the running, but I picture a dark haired, brown eyed boy. If he looks even a fraction like Kenzie, this name won't work. She has blond hair and blue eyes and is alabaster white. Plus it is a little more unique than I wanted to go. If the boy comes out with any facial hair this will be his name.

 

Cullen - I do like the name, but 98% of my female peer group, and younger, would think we were naming him after the twilight vampire family. It's actually an Irish name and it's one of the better ones he picked out. Maybe we will still use this one if he is born with hazel eyes and fangs.



If you are reading this to see what names we have picked out, sorry to disappoint! I am saving our top 2 names at the moment. One is pretty much set in stone. The other is saved in the event that he comes out with red hair. Red runs in both of our families, so it's possible. We figure we should go with a good Irish name if that happens. Hint: it's not O'doyle.

Our Journey from Childfree to Parents

My husband, Dan, and I have been together 13 years as of next week. We started dating in 2001, we got engaged in 2002, married in 2006, first kid in 2012. It's amazing to look back at who we used to be and who we are now. The most interesting part is that neither of us wanted kids.



Circa 2005

An example of how we both changed:

In 2001, Dan he said he would only run if someone was chasing him. In 2010, he completed the Leadville 100. A 100 mile race that takes about 30 hours to complete.

In 2001, I was only 20 years old and had never lived anywhere other than my hometown of Flushing, MI. Now I have lived in 3 states, 8 cities, and moved across the country twice.


The real game changer...

When we moved to Colorado in 2008, things really started to change for me. The pace was slower. I was no longer working 60 hours a week and literally my blood pressure was back to a normal level. (When I was 25 I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, and as time would prove... it was due to stress.) I started thinking about a family.

In 2010, I finally spilled the beans. I knew I was changing the game, so if he said "no way", then that was that. I wanted to be with Dan, more than have kids. I remember our conversation exactly. We were in the Orlando airport coming home from a dental convention. For the sake of simplicity, here is the short version...
     He said. "We are actually in a position to have kids, if that's what we wanted." 
     It's now or never...
     So I said. "Yeah, so we should give it a try."

Wedding Pic

     "Uh, what?" He said.
     Then I came out with it. "I think I want to have a kid."
     Silence.

It was scary sitting there, people watching, waiting for him to answer. My nervous half-smirk sitting on my face. He finally turned to me and said.  "I don't want you to regret anything so if that's what you want, then ok."

We did a lot of talking first and I did a lot of research. I wanted to make sure this was really what I wanted and not just what I thought I should be doing. It all came down to no regrets. I didn't want to miss out on this monumental life changing experience.

So we gave it a try, in the only way I know how to try anything: Very calculated and planned. If we were going to do this I was going to be in control of it. Charts, temperatures, the whole 9 yards. I am not one to let fate make my decisions. Either this was going to work within my time frame, and if it didn't, then we would know. I could move on with life and we would be the childfree couple that travels and has nice things.



1 week before Kenzie
was born

Obviously we have traded in the dream of travel and nice things, for couches with milk stains, carpets with mashed fruit snacks, and travel to neighborhood parks. We wouldn't change it for anything.
Who we were before Kenzie and who we are now are fundamentally different, although no one would probably be able to tell. An example would be this St. Patty's Day. St. Patty's is the day Dan got out of the army 15 years ago, it's also the day that set us up to start dating. It has always been an epic celebration for us. 8am green beers, Guinness, Irish whiskey, live music and all the corned beef and cabbage you can handle. This year Dan took the day off and we spent it hanging out with Kenzie. Singing her Irish songs and playing Irish music. We went out to lunch and stayed in for dinner. He had 1 beer... and it wasn't even green. 

The Newborn Stage - Good vs. Evil

Just a few days old, that sleeping smile actually says -
you have no idea what you're in for muahahhaha

I am gearing up for the newborn stage. It will take me at least 8 weeks to psych myself up for those first few weeks. I am glad I kept a journal during Kenzie's newborn stage, because believe it or not... you totally black those weeks out.

That's why people tell you having a baby is great... they forgot the first few months.

With every bad, there is an equal and probably greater good.

The BAD:  He pooped out of his diaper and it got all over his clothes, crib sheets, and you... in the middle of the night. The worst part: you didn't realize it was on you until morning.
The GOOD:  It's morning and even though you got 1 hour of choppy sleep last night, you can't wait to hold him in your poop covered arms.


Falling in love...

The GOOD:  She slept for 5 straight hours last night!
The BAD:  I was up checking on her every 15 mins because I was worried about SIDS.

The BAD: This first time your husband does something like the following: accidentally hits her head on the door frame, tries throwing/bouncing the baby, or tries "burping" her which looks more like he is performing the baby Heimlich maneuver.
The GOOD:  When you get to witness the growing love in his eyes whenever he looks at his baby and it makes you tear up.

A few weeks old enjoying
tummy time on the boppy... finally!

The BAD: He cries the entire 15 minutes of tummy time, every time.
The GOOD:  The first time he holds his head up during tummy time!

The BAD:  He sleeps all day and stays up all night.
The GOOD:  When he sleeps too long during the day you miss him. That's love!



The BAD:  The witching hour... which we all wish was just 1 hour long.
The GOOD: When they finally fall asleep it will be the longest stretch of the night.

The GOOD:  She smiled at me awake! 
The BAD:  Nothing... this trumps everything that you have been through thus far.

The days are long, but the months are so short, and that first year is even shorter. They are only a baby for 1 year and once they get those arms working, they might not even want your cuddles, long before they turn 1. So embrace the rocking, hugs, kisses, quiet cries... because those cries are sure to be longer, louder and a lot more demanding when they are toddlers.