Here's Looking at 2

I'm taking a short break from writing about The Mandy Project, however it should be noted that I am still going strong.

In honor of my daughters 2 year birthday, I thought it would be nice to have a real look at what 2 years old means. So without further ado, our interview about being 2:



Mom: So, how old are you now?
Baby Girl: Dis many. (holds up both hands and wiggles fingers.)

I have often thought 2 would be a difficult year. How are you handling it so far?
(Silence.)

That bad, huh?
Bad. (Puts hands to mouth and giggles.)

If you could go back to one, would you?
NOOOOOO!

I see. What was your favorite birthday gift?
Frog! A Pig! A Bear!

So many you can't narrow it down, wow! Sounds like a great birthday.
Sit on potty chair, and pee pee or poop. Kutch goes pee pee and poop.

Interesting. Can you elaborate on that?
Potty chair... potty chair... and elmo and books.

I gather that you enjoy your Elmo's Potty Time movie you received. You also mentioned books. Can we assume that you have potty books on your nightstand?
Yes!

Excellent. So earlier you spoke about a "frog" would this be Kermit the Frog? Do you feel that the Muppets are out of style nowadays?
(jumps up runs to the TV and points) A frog! A pig! A bear!

Well put. What song does Kermit sing?
Let it goooooo! Let it gooooo! Can't take it any mooooooore!

Apparently I haven't seen that particular Muppet movie.

So, life has changed a lot for you this past year. Would you say the addition of Ketcher has changed the attention you receive?
Kutch! Mwuah! Hug!

You seem to really enjoy his company. If there is one piece of advice you could tell him, what would it be?
(animatedly speaking lots of gibberish...) and fruit snacks.

He is lucky to have a wise older sister. Can you describe what it's like to have 3 dogs living with you?
One, two, three, four, five, six, seben, eight, nine, ten, eleben, twel, firteen, fifeen, sebeneen, nineen, twenee.

I imagine it does feel more like living with 20. With that said do you know your alphabet?
Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z now know abcs next won't sing me.

 As a final question, I think we would all like your opinion on the news about Cosby. Thoughts?
Cobee? What that?

Probably what most people under 30 are thinking. Well thanks for the interview, it has been fun.
(Jumps off chair and runs into the living room. Proceeds to spin in circles until she bounces off the ottoman and lands on her face.)

Great interview Mom! Let's do it again!

The Mandy Project: Day 30 Before and Afters!!

I made it through the first 30 days and I never missed one workout!

(Cue the cheering and applauding.)

A run down of my workouts: I did P90X the original version that I bought off ebay. I decided to do the "classic" plan which is 3 days of weight lifting, 2 days of cardio, and 1 day of yoga (which is actually 90 minutes of pure torture). That was for the first 3 weeks. The 4th week was all cardio and yoga. I did substitute a rest day that week for a really tough cardio session, since I was going to be stuffing my face for Thanksgiving.

Let's start off with the numbers:

Starting weight: 114.0 lbs on 10/31/2014
30 Day weigh-in: 111.8 lbs on 11/30/2014

I am SO glad I took my measurements, because where you can't see the results in the pics, you CAN see the results in the measurements!  

	10/31/2014	11/30/2014	Difference
Right Bicep	9 3/4"	10"	+1/4"
Left Bicep	9 3/4"	10"	+1/4"
Right Forearm	9"	9"	0
Left Forearm	9"	9"	0
Bust	34"	34"	0
Chest	32"	31"	-1"
Waist	31"	27 1/2"	-3 1/2"
Hips	37 1/2"	34 1/2"	-3"
Right Thigh	20 1/2"	19 3/4"	-3/4"
Left Thigh	20 1/2"	19 3/4"	-3/4"
Right Calf	13 1/2"	13"	-1/2"
Left Calf	13 1/2"	13"	-1/2"

When I took the measurements each time, I did it 3 times to make sure it was accurate. I am totally blown away by the loss in the hips and waist.

Now for the best part... the pics:

Results after 30 days. <sniff> Makes me all misty eyed.

Disregard my hideous face, of course I was talking
while Dan was taking pictures.



This one probably shows off the biggest change.
Flatter stomach and arm muscles.



Tan by L'Oreal Paris Sublime Self-tanning wipes.

Some pics you really can't see the results,
maybe by day 90.

EEK! I still need some major work in this area.
Keeps me motivated.

So this is doing P90X without an eating plan. I did keep it moderately healthy: No mindless snacking, no sweets, a few hard ciders, and an occasional soda if we are out. If you have read my other blogs in November, you know that I did cave to the occasional Teddy Graham or two.

My energy is through the roof, and I can tolerate a whole lot more because of it. My toddler just turned 2 on December 1st and her favorite phrase is "NOOOOOOO MOMMY!!!" which she screams at the top of her lungs - especially in public.

I rewarded my hard efforts with some blond hair, as you can see from the pics. It's all coming along folks!

December has a lot of holiday festivities, so it will be a little harder to stick to a consistent diet. I am going to try to keep it clean in between parties, and in January keep it really strict for the final 30 days.

For the complete Mandy Project click here!

Did you start a project of your own? What is it? Leave your comments and feedback to help inspire other people that are struggling to start.

Toddlers, Tears, and Tryptophan

It's Thanksgiving week and I am questioning why I decided to try and get fit during the holidays. It really doesn't matter much, since we will be staying home with the kiddos, just our little family. I have a turkey to cook, a can of green beans, some instant mashed potatoes and stove top stuffing. Classy!

Will I be making paper-handprint-turkeys with my kids? No. I'm just not that kind of Mom I guess.

My kids have picked this week to become over-the-top drama monsters. Even my happy baby has been grumpy. I will take a guess at teething. Kenzie's second birthday is the 1st so she is in full-on terrible two mode.

For your enjoyment here is the latest in what has been making her scream and cry:

• I turned on music.
• I turned off music.
• I tore a page out of her book to color.
• She wanted the other pair of plain white socks.
• Her felt Christmas tree fell down.
• She had to get in the cart at Target.
• She had to get out of the cart when we were done at Target.
• She had to take a nap.
• She woke up from her nap.
• Her felt Christmas tree fell down.
• I put her fruit snacks in the big green bowl, not the small blue one.
• I tried to read her a new book.
• I read the Bear books out of order.
• I wouldn't let her get into the oatmeal canister.
• Her felt Christmas tree fell down.
• I changed her bedding.
• I gave Ketcher one of her toys to play with.
• I was using a blanket.
• I laid on the couch.
• I told her she couldn't dance on my laptop.
• She couldn't use the plastic play fork to stab the dog.
• I made her wear a shirt to the store.
• Her felt Christmas tree fell down.
• I didn't get the toothbrush out fast enough.
• I made the wrong mac n cheese. (apparently)
• I hot glued sticky tabs on the Christmas tree so it wouldn't fall down.

This is just from today.

Anyway, I am sure most of my readers are traveling or planning to travel so happy trails to you.

I will have my first set of before and after pics posted next week. I really have to get my shit together on eating better. That will be my December focus with the exception of the 4 parties we have to go to and Christmas. If you have any ideas or recommendations please message me!

As always, thank you for reading, and Happy Thanksgiving!

The Mandy Project: Day 20

For the record, that is not my arm.

 

For the complete Mandy Project click here.

It's day 20. Only 70 more days left.

My workouts have progressed like this:

• Week 1: Excited and in excruciating amounts of pain.
• Week 2: Motivated to see if I could do better than week 1. Still sore.
• Week 3: Ugh, I really don't want to do this, but I made a commitment. Butt and abs are still sore. I am pushing myself hard during the workout, but I have to force myself to get off my ass and push play. I haven't missed one yet.
• Next week is all cardio and then the workouts are switched up. I think this will help keep me on task.

My eating strategy progression:

• Week 1: Definitely ate light meals. No issues. Mostly nauseous.
• Week 2: Still watching my food intake, without real difficulty, although by the end of the week I was starting to get hungry more often.
• Week 3: I am starving. I don't understand why, considering I am still eating normally. I ate a half a box of teddy grahams crouched in a corner of the kitchen. I felt like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings.
• I have joined a 5 day clean eating crockpot group to help keep me accountable. I hope this jump starts my healthy food efforts, and keeps me out of the toddler snack cupboard.

My accomplishments:

• I retired the rest of my maternity clothes for good. No lingering pieces in my closet to default to when I just don't feel it.
• I upgraded my swim suit from 2-piece "mom" suit back to my pre-baby bikinis.
• I have to wear a belt with all my jeans now. The belt notch is back to my pre-baby notch.
• I can stay up until 10:30pm. (Although I prefer not to.)  
• My energy is off the charts! I've been cleaning closets, moving furniture, and I still have time to make dinner and give the kids a bath.
• My stress level is WAY down. There is just something about being able to handle all the crap that falls on my lap, as long as I am taking care of myself first.

Honestly this project is really shaping up to be a game changer.  My kids are going to know the real me, not the stressed out Mom they have been with so far. I am able to run around, play, dance, give piggy back rides, and just have a whole lot more fun in general now.

Kenzie has been getting into it too. When Dan's home, I do my workout in the morning and she creeps upstairs to join me occasionally. P90X is much harder with a toddler sitting on your abs.

She refuses to workout with clothes on.

Coming soon... 10 days away from the first set of before and after photos. 

The Mandy Project: Botox

There are not many before and after photos of Botox on the internet, unless you are looking at a doctors website. So here are the real before and after pictures from a normal 34 year old female.

I know there are a lot of people shaking their heads at me right now, but this is The Mandy Project. This is what I want for myself. I am not doing this for anyone else except me. So either read on, or shut it down.

To view the complete Mandy Project click here.

First of all, there is a lot of confusion over Botox. This does NOT plump up your face/lips/cheeks or anything else. This just freezes your muscles so you can't make wrinkles. That's all. It reduces wrinkles in some areas and can eliminate them in others. There are lots of areas you can't use Botox, like in your laugh lines, or under your eyes. You will not get Meg Ryan lips or look like you have had a facelift. The plumping of the face is dermal fillers. Totally different.

This is NOT Botox. This is dermal filler.

 

To be honest, I don't know what this is...

So now you know what it's not. See what it did for me...

I was doing my best surprised look.
At day 5 my eyebrows were too pointy.
At 2 weeks my eyebrows are no long pointy and everything is pretty smooth.
Don't pay any attention to my after-workout hair.

 

My scowl with an "11" between my brows.
Day 5 I could still see tiny lines.
2 weeks after, no lines at all.
Downside: My toddler thinks I never get mad any more.

Wrinkles around my eyes.
At day 5 there was only slightly less wrinkles.
At 2 weeks the area is nearly wrinkle free.

I wish I could show you a good before/after full face shot, but there isn't one. I either doctored up the photos I had, to limit the wrinkles, or the light diminished them. I guess it doesn't really matter. Here you can see that even after the Botox I can still make normal facial expressions.

Angry is the only one I really can't nail
down any more. My kids love it!

If you are considering Botox yourself, here are a few more details you might want.

Does it hurt? Not really. It was a series of about 14 shots to my face. The needle is incredibly thin so mostly it doesn't hurt at all. There were a few times Dan stuck the needle in too deep and it hurt for a second but otherwise, it was totally worth it.

Usually you pay by the unit. The average total cost of a unit is about $10-$15 and the total is usually between $375-$550 depending on if you use "Botox" or "Dysport" which is cheaper. Also depends on how many sights you have done and how much they need to use on you in each sight.

Who gives it? Some dentists, some doctors, all dermatologists, some nurses. You will know. They will advertise it. You may seem skeptical about going to a dentist for Botox, but how many other doctors do you know that give shots to people all day long?

It takes about a week to see results and it lasts about 3-4 months. Over time you might only need it every 6 months.

If you do it once you are going to want to do it again, and again. So beware.

The Mandy Project: Day 10

The Mandy Project: Day 10   Click here to see the whole project.

Let me start off by asking: Do you have a project yet? Make one.

The workouts:

As a reminder I am doing P90x (the original version).

The first 7 days were hard. I didn't know how hard to push myself during the videos, the 60+ minutes seemed daunting, and frankly just nailing down some of the moves seemed impossible. I wanted to take Tony (the trainer in the videos) and punch him in his fat neck, especially when he said the words "double time".

3 days were spent strength training + doing Ab Ripper X which is exactly what it was doing to my abs. Ripping the hell out of them and making them useless for the entire week. Do you know how often you use your abs in one day? Far too much. It hurt when I laughed, coughed, sneezed, tried to breathe... pretty much anything and everything and they STILL hurt!

The cardio workouts were Yoga, Plyometrics (jumps, squats, etc.) and Kenpo (just like Tae Bo from the 90s).

The two times I have done plyometrics I have almost puked. That's a tough workout. I was sweating and jumping, but after it was done, I really did feel great, I just had to be carried up and down the stairs the rest of the day.

The yoga workout, you would assume would be relaxing. I, of course, was sadly mistaken. I spent 90 minutes sweating and straining to get through it. This video is my least favorite. At several points I considered just shutting it off, but then I thought of all your emails telling me about your own projects and I kept going. So thank you readers, for sharing your hopes and plans with me, to keep me moving.

The Kenpo workout was my favorite video by far. I love pretending to beat someone senseless. I gave it my all and I was so sore for 2 days following. By the end of this program just let someone try and attack me, aside from the knives I carry, I will also be able to gouge your eyes out, kick you square where the sun-don't-shine and give you a mean left hook.

Overall, I was nauseous a lot but as the week wore on I started to look forward to my workouts. Maybe it's because that is ME time I desperately need and don't really care that I am spending it sweating and nearly puking on the floor.

The Diet

I still don't have a hard and fast diet plan. No drinks other than water and protein shakes. Oh no wait... I did have some wine and a cider on Friday when we had company over. No candy, baked goods, or other goodies.

If I want a snack I eat a bag of nut mix, strawberry zone bars, or a 100 calorie protein shake. Breakfast consists of 2 scrambled eggs and sometimes a strip or 2 of bacon. Lunch is a turkey wrap with some broccoli slaw (comes in a bag next to the cut up & bagged broccoli and salad kits) and a dash of Italian dressing. At dinner I just watch the amount that I eat. We usually have taco night, a pasta dish (no cheese), or chicken and veggies. So nothing too remarkable at this point.
 
Results so far:

I know it's only been 10 days, but there have been some changes.

I have more muscle definition in my arms and legs, which I thought was all in my head. How can I see results in only 10 days? However, Dan commented on my biceps as we were passing the baby between us at dinner. Of course they were probably just swollen from the beating they took that day, but it's a win!

Weight is the same; 114. I wasn't looking to lose pounds so that doesn't matter to me.

My clothes still seem to fit the same and I still have the post baby belly, you know loose and spongy.

I am not going to measure or take new photos until the 30 day mark. What's that? You want to see the before photos? I have uploaded them and they are ready to go but I just can't push that "post" button. I seriously can't. Once I have some results I will be able to share. Or possibly after a few pinot grigios this weekend. Who knows...

The Mandy Project: Week 1 - First Night Out

As of today I have completed 6 days of The Mandy Project. I will get into more detail about my first week in my next post. This post is about how I handled my first night out on my project.

Last night was date night. Some people get dressed up and go out for swanky dinner and drinks. We go to a hockey game.

This date night presented a set of complications & revelations to my Mandy Project.

So here's how it went down.

First of all, the last time I have been to Denver was several months ago, nay, over a year ago. A 90 minute drive later and we arrived at the stadium, sans kids. Just the two of us.

Time for dinner. I wanted a hot dog, nachos, a soft pretzel and some cinnamon sugar donuts for dessert. Instead, I chose to have a really horrible chicken taco. It was so bad I only ate half and I was STARVING, so that tells you just how bad it was.

Next, it was time to decide on a drink. We were in a stadium so I HAD to order a beer. I think it is a requirement. I ordered a $10 blue moon. I knew the beer would be warm by the time I finished despite the frosty stadium temperatures. Turns out I still don't like beer, no matter how many years I keep trying. Dan drank more than half of it.

The only calorie issue was the 6 cinnamon sugar donuts I had after the first period. OH... MY... they were delicious!!! The only sugar I have consumed since November 1 and it was totally worth the wait.

Since I am not a huge sports fan, I prefer to watch the crowd. Within the crowd I saw the lady I could end up, if I'm not careful.

She was setting with her daughter, who was probably 8 or 10 years old, and two younger boys. Pictured here is a typical Mom braid and 3 inch roots. This poor woman has lovingly invested in her children, but has totally neglected herself. She sat there scowling at the game and relented at 10pm when her 3 children begged her to let them stay during over time. I know this lady. She is all of us Mom's, lost to motherhood land. What will happen to her in 10 years when her children have left for college? Will she then take the time to invest in herself?  Will she think it's too late? 

On the flip side I had these girls to watch every 10 minutes.

I had a love-hate relationship with them last night. These gals have yet to have kids. They are probably 21 years old. I hate them as any normal woman would. However, I appreciate how they give me drive to workout harder, eat one less donut, and actually get on the ice and skate with my toddler the next time she goes. They represent the naïve 21 year old me, that I would never want to be again. However, there is no harm in trying to get my body back to it's trim healthy state.
Disclaimer: I still ate the extra donut.

What I didn't expect was that I would lose my temper during the game.  The coughing, young, hipster girl next to me, that had a voice like one of the mice from Cinderella, is screaming all during the periods that came after her third beer. I wanted to use my new Kenpo X moves on her that I learned that day - upper cut, hook, claw, kick - but I didn't. She was saved by the fact that my muscles hurt so bad it was painful to raise the beer to my lips. Lucky her.

I guess it wasn't just her, I was also irritated that at 7:15pm our babysitter texted us to let us know that the kids were sound asleep. The toddler had been since 6pm... a full hour before her normal bedtime. Yikes. Parents, you know what that means: She will be up an hour earlier than usual. Hello 5am!

I am already a little aggravated that I will be getting to bed late. Now I will be up extra early.

So not only are we leaving the stadium at 10pm... at least a half hour after my normal bedtime... we have a 90+ minute drive home and then I will be woke up at 5am. Goody.

Let's also factor in that I have never, ever, been to a hockey game that didn't go into over time. I am not even a little bit exaggerating. EVERY. FREAKING. TIME! So when the Avs were up at 2 minutes left, I absolutely knew, without a doubt, the Leafs were going to score. Of course they did and the game went into a 5 minute overtime, after the 5 minute break. No one scored. So then it went into a shoot off. Shoot out? I don't know... anyway there was one guy and one goal. Another break and another 5 minutes and we were finally leaving for home.

When we left the stadium we ran to the truck, Dan ran because he wanted to get out of the parking lot before it turned into a shit show and I ran to help burn off the donuts.

We were home at about 11:15pm and I fell asleep sometime after midnight. The miracle was that my toddler stayed in bed after she woke up at 6am and looked at books somewhat quietly. The baby slept until 7am for the first time since... possibly ever?

The down side is always the cost of a date night after kids. Let's recap:
$100 2 hockey tickets
$70 7 hours of babysitter (5pm to 11:30pm)
$20 Worst dinner ever
$20 Dan's beers
$10 My beer
$15 parking
$5 donuts
= $240 for a night out

This is why parents do not go out. We would all go broke.

So I would say my first night out on The Mandy Project was a success. I could have gorged myself, gotten wastey-face, and not been able to workout today, but I am up, writing this, and getting pumped for my workout this afternoon.

Have you started your Project?

Total Body Makeover: The Mandy Project

Yup you guessed it. I totally fell off the wagon in October. In fact, I wouldn't even call it falling off... the wagon broke down, caught on fire, and exploded.

What a terrible month. If you have been following my blog you get the gist of the horror I went through, but I decided to pick myself up out of the ash and get a plan together. It's a doozy.

I decided after looking at old pictures of myself that I wasn't satisfied with my present situation. I love being a Mom, and working from home, and all that crap, but I don't love the fact that I don't bother to take care of myself, because I barely leave the house.  Pretty sure Dan doesn't love that either, although he is smart enough to not say anything unless I ask.

The epiphany came mid-October. Dan had planned a surprise visitor for the weekend to cheer me up. He sent me to the beer store after some obscure bottles he was sure they wouldn't carry. I was searching for the absent bottles, when my friend walked up to me and asked if I needed any help. I kept looking at the beer boxes, not even looking at her, and said "yes, I can't find Sam Adams Pumpkin.  This is Oktoberst, but I don't see pumpkin." (If any of you watch arrested development this was a very Lucille Bluth moment.) She got in my personal space, so I looked up to find my dear friend Ashlee laughing and smiling at me. Hair perfect, stylishly dressed, and make up impeccable. I on the other hand had my hair in a straggly mom braid, minimal makeup, sensible sneakers and jeans with a mustard stain. EEK! 

Enough is enough already...

Here is what I decided:

I miss my blonde hair.  I went back to brown before and during pregnancy for the safety of the babies. Also, I didn't have the energy to do more than pull a comb through it after I got out of the shower. Sadly, I also worried I would look like those old ladies that are too tan and too fake blonde well into their wrinkly gross years. I decided to hell with it, so I have begun the slow transition to be a too tan, too fake blonde, old lady.

An old picture of some of my favorite blonde hair.
That's the goal.

Wrinkles. I look in the mirror in the morning and figure I must have been scowling all night long with the deep "11" etched into my forehead. My worry lines are getting really deep now that Kenzie is an adrenaline junkie like her daddy. I asked for one birthday present this year: Botox. Now don't shake your heads. I have had it done before (before pregnancies) so it's nothing new. No one even notices but me. However, Dan did one better for my birthday. He took the Botox course so it's really the gift that keeps giving.

Time for these wrinkles to go away.
This is also a good picture of how dark my hair is now.

Get my post baby body strong again. Thanks to good genes and carefully not gaining more than what was recommended, I managed to bounce back to my original weight. However, there was a time when I was strong and had plenty of lean muscle to help with all the furniture moving I so enjoy. I need to get back to that. I am also catching every illness that Dan brings home on his grubby dental scrubs. I know that if I were healthier, my immune system would be back to "superior".



Don't judge. I was at an 80s party which is why my hair looks like this.
Anyway this was at my peak shape back in 2010. This is my goal.

Clothes. Here's where Dan's candor really hit the mark. As I thoughtfully went through the list of things I want to change, he added that I dress like a "Mom".  It's true. My fall from Macy's has come as a bit of a shock to me as well. I could blame it on the fact that we don't have a Macy's here, or a mall for that matter, but that's not it. My Mom uniform is a plain target T-shirt and jeans. Every. Single. Day.

So as you can see, I have a lot of work to do. I didn't squander the rest of October bitching and moaning. Instead I made a plan.

I started to research different workout options. The gym is not an option.  After reading many, many, many reviews, I decided on P90X. I bought an opened unused kit on ebay for $58. The seller made me laugh with this: "I bought this for my husband and he opened the box but never, ever, not even once, played even one of the DVDs."

I have the free weights and yoga mat, but I purchased a set of weighted bands and a pull up bar that goes in a doorway.

I dug out the DVD player from the crawl space. Why they don't sell these programs on iTunes is beyond me.

I have a loose diet plan ready to go, that includes a lot of high protein drinks and bars, as well as, other healthy snacks and meals. All fast, all easy. I won't have a lot of time for meal prep with hour+ long workouts 6 days a week, work, and caring for the kids. So fast and easy it must be for the next 90 days.

When will I work out? The sacred afternoon nap. Which means I will be working during the morning nap and after bedtime. Blech! It's only for 90 days. I can do it.

90 days is a long time so I have worked in some rewards.

• 30 day reward: pedicure
• 45 day reward: night out
• 60 day reward: vacation (already previously scheduled)
• 75 day reward: New shoes with heels
• 90 day reward: Shopping!

Goals.
By the end of 90 days, I want to see lean muscle, a flat stomach, blonde hair, smooth skin, and a new, non-mom wardrobe. That's not too much, right?

Every 30 days I will have new before/after photos so stay tuned to The Mandy Project.

Halloween Horror

I felt it last week. A presence in the house.

It began one night while I was feeding the baby. It was only 7:00pm but very dark. The only light was from a soft yellow polar bear nightlight and the glow-in-the-dark planets hanging from the ceiling. I sat rocking the baby and feeding him his bottle. It was quiet and peaceful. Kenzie was reading in her room with Daddy.

Suddenly I felt a chill. I looked around. Neptune was slowly rocking back and forth from the ceiling. A moment ago, it was still. I started to get that prickly feeling on the back of my neck. I looked down at Ketch, his breathing slow, the bottle nearly gone. He was asleep.

I stood up and carefully carried him to his crib. I lay him down in between his stuffed Raggedy Anne and Andy dolls. I closed the door silently and decided to shake off the creepy feeling following me out.

Day 1: I woke in the middle of night. I checked the video monitor and the screen was blank. The baby must still be asleep. I looked at the Kenzie's audio monitor, the lights flickered. Hmm... odd. It could just be her sound machine setting it off. I did have it turned up pretty loud to "wave" mode.

There it was again.

I heard a soft groan, barely audible without my hearing aids in. I grabbed the video monitor and switched it to Kenzie's room. I didn't see anything moving. I sat there, not breathing, worried I would miss something. After a minute or two, I switched the video monitor back to the baby's room.

With a final sigh of relief, I checked my phone; midnight. I closed my eyes.

<Click> The video monitor switched on, lighting the dark room. I grabbed for my glasses off the nightstand. The baby was moving. Just barely.

My kids are sleepers. They rarely ever even kick off the monitors. This is weird.

I laid there, wide awake, watching and listening. The video monitor clicked off about two minutes later. At some point I fell back asleep.

2:30am I jolt upright. The baby is crying. Video monitor blazing. I hear another noise, the audio monitor was crackling. I jump up, glasses still on, and stumble down the stairs. I am thrown forward, face first onto the wood floor. I looked back at the culprit. Dan's hockey bag was blocking the entire hallway.

Both kids are crying. The only light on downstairs is a nightlight illuminating the hallway to the bedrooms. I pause outside their rooms, one last hope that they have fallen back asleep in the 10 seconds it took to get downstairs, and the 2 minutes it took to pick myself up off the ground and find my glasses. Silence.

I slowly and quietly open the door to Kenzie's room. I can only see a crumpled blob laying on the bed, that must be her, still asleep. I leave the door ajar and turn to open the baby's door.

His room feels cold. It's quiet. I contemplate finishing the night on the twin mattress on the floor of his room. The glow-in-the-dark planets darkened hours ago. I crept to the edge of his crib and peaked in. It only took a moment to see why he was wailing only moments ago.

I snatched him up, eyes popping open as I lifted. Screams rising from his tiny body. Liquid coming from his nose. I heard a cough behind me and turned. Standing in the doorway was a person no bigger than Kenzie. Hair in a rats nest, faced tipped down, but eyes looking up at me. She was clutching a stuffed bear. Liquid from her nose glistening in the nightlight.

As I started to feel my own scream rising in my throat, she turned and ran toward me, footy pajamas softly squishing the carpet. A cry escaping her mouth. It was Kenzie, but it didn't look like her. Something was different. The baby began to wail in my arms, as Kenzie cried out.

I picked her up and carried both of them to the living room. I was afraid to turn on the light for fear of what I knew to be true. I set both of them down on the couch and reached for the light switch.

They both screamed when the light came on. I looked at them. Eyes red and blotchy, hot to the touch, thick ropes of snot coming from both nostrils. It had them. The virus!

My gut told me to run, but instead I went to work administering Tylenol, sucking snot, and wiping off their faces. By the time we finished they resembled humans but I couldn't be sure. After putting them both back to bed I bathed in sanitizer and said a prayer that I wouldn't be infected. I passed out just before sunrise.

Morning came moments later. 6am to be exact. I rushed downstairs for another round of clean up. The baby lay on his play mat uninterested in his hanging toys. Eyes scanning the room, possibly looking for a victim.

<Swat> Not interested.

The young lady appears to be trying to attack me. She is relentless and won't stop until I am infected. I try to run away but she sadly says "hug" and I am forced to squat down and open my arms. I believe they have implanted me with a microchip so I must do as they say. For being so small they seem incredibly intelligent.

Hours later a booming deep voice is calling downstairs. I am getting even more nervous but I am not sure why. He appears in a robe holding a tissue, only he isn't sad. He heads for the medicine cabinet in the kitchen searching for sustenance. He pulls out several pills and swallows them. He turns on me and speaks in his ultra deep voice. For a moment I think I recognize him as my husband. I push those thoughts aside, Dan's voice isn't this deep and he never comes down before a shower and jeans.

Luckily he doesn't wait for an answer and turns and leaves. I grab a Lysol wipe and clean up whatever he touched. They won't get me. I won't let them.

The day is long and lonely. No one seems to be hungry, happy or coherent. I make the best of it, trying to douse the house in sanitizer the best I can.  I don't have any protective clothing, snow mittens and a ski mask are the best I can find.  I put them on, but it makes me a target, so I put them away in order to blend in. Bedtime comes early for everyone and I can feel a headache coming on. I close my eyes knowing it won't be long before I will be up again.

You can't hide Mommy...

Day 2:  The virus has infected me. I can feel it slowly eating away my energy and good humor. I am still trying to fight it, although I have given into my issued uniform of fleece pants and an old T-shirt. The little ones seem to be dressed in footy pajamas. I believe they are trying to brainwash me, but I have no energy to protest. We sit for hours watching endless loops of Frozen.

Day 3:  I fear the virus has officially taken over. I have lost my will to fight it. I sit with glazed eyes staring at a box with moving pictures. The brainwashing has finally taken hold. I can't get the words "Let it go" out of my head. I can only assume they are talking about my will to live.  I can't breathe. My throat is sandpaper. Sleep in impossible although my eyes are heavy.  I am officially a Mombie.




 

 

The Possessed Doll

In honor of Halloween I have two scary stories to share. This is the first.

This story is very real, although you may be skeptical. Those who have seen the doll know there is something behind those vacant eyes.  I saw that the movie "Annabel" was based on a true story. So I thought I would share my true story.

EEK!

The Doll:

Easter 1980-something: I found my basket in the upstairs closet, but I was told I had one more big present to find.

After having exhausted my search, and knowing where it probably was, I headed for the downstairs bathroom. It was always an eerie room I just didn't like. There was no bath, just a shower with a frosted door, an off-white toilet, and orange with brown and silver diamond zig zagged wall paper. (It still looks the same.) It was always freezing.

I pushed open the door, and even though I knew my present was in there, I still let out a gasp when she was staring back at me in the mirror. My new doll. The Cabbage Patch Little Miss Executive. She was standing up in her box inside the closed shower stall... her gaze, distorted from the frosted glass of the shower door, didn't look innocent. Her pigtailed, red hair and freckles would rival Chucky.

A sampling of some Halloween décor, notice the doll next to the pumpkin.

I opened the shower door with my eyes closed and snatched her out. It wasn't long before things started getting weird. I had a feeling she was moving when I wasn't in the room. Even now as I write this I can feel the prickles on the back of my neck. Whenever I walked into a room she was in, it felt chilly and... off.

Our house was a tri-level. The lower level held the eerie bathroom and my playroom, next to the family room. My playroom had brown shag carpet and vertical striped wall paper in creams and browns. I had a small strawberry shortcake kitchen set, high chair, stroller, and cribs for my dolls.

One night my parents went out to the store. Yes by todays standards I was too young to be alone, but back then you relied on neighbors if your kids needed any help. My friend from next door was at my house and we were playing in my play room. We decided to take a break and drink some cherry kool-aid. We ran upstairs to the kitchen and set out 2 Garfield mugs my parents got from McDonalds.

Remember these?

 

I filled them to the brim with the red liquid and carefully carried them back down to the playroom.  It was dark outside and the lamp was illuminating the room.  The Doll with her soft white body and hard peach face with freckles, sat undressed, at my white wooden high chair. I set to the two full mugs on her tray.

"Do you want to play a game?" I asked.
"Sure!" My friend said.

We headed to the top floor to find a game from the closet.

As we crossed back into the threshold of the playroom, with Monopoly in hand, I froze. Heart beating fast, I surveyed the room. My friend stood next to me, looking at the Garfield mugs.

One of them was propped on the lip of the highchair tipped toward the Doll. It was still full and could have just been placed their absentmindedly by one of us. The other one was completely empty except for a red ring around the bottom of the glass.

The Doll had red droplets down her soft white body.

We both screamed and my friend cried. "I'm going home!" I grabbed the doll and ran through the house and upstairs to our junk room. I threw her in and shut the door, never touching her again until Halloween, years later.

1994:  She had been packed away for years. I was telling this very story to my friends at school. They were laughing but intrigued.

It was around Halloween and we decided to meet at my house after school for a Ouija board séance. Why not? There had been other "disturbances" in the house since the Doll incident, but I choose to not believe.

We set up the board in my old playroom, which was now a computer room. I dug out some candles and closed the blinds.

We called upon a spirit and I can't remember what was said or who it was... but I decided to ask about the Doll. Of course first I needed to find her.

I pulled down the box labeled "Dolls" my mom had packed long ago. She was sitting right on top. Hard plastic face smashed in and one open eye. It definitely took the creepy factor up about 150%.

One of my friends shook in excitement. My other two stared at the doll as if it was about to come after them with a butcher knife.

We called upon the spirit again and I asked: "Is this Doll possessed?" The Ouija pointed to "Yes"

At an arrogant age of 15 I wasn't impressed. Yet.

"If this Doll is possessed, let her blow out this match." I struck the match box and held it to her face. The match went out.

My stomach clenched in fear and excitement. My friends shifted and started looking for the exit. I needed to see for myself again.

"If this Doll is possessed, let her blow out this match." I struck the match box again and held it to her face. The match went out.

Over and over I tried to keep the match lit for more than a few seconds before it went out.

Proof in my 15 year old mind that she was in fact possessed.

2001:  After being packed away for another 7 years, we decided to throw an epic Halloween party. I was in college and invited everyone I knew.

After 5 years of Halloween parties, my mom was coming up with ideas to make this years the best ever. She decided to pull out The Doll.

She drew scar marks on her face and strung her up like a marionette. At this point her eyes only opened if she was laying down, and closed when she was stood up. Still as scary as ever, so we added her to the décor.

She also setup the old playroom like the exorcist.  Now this was WAY before you could go to a Halloween store and buy a mechanical exorcist doll.  No. You had to make your own.

With a spinning motor, a Styrofoam head, and some face makeup she created a truly terrifying exorcist dummy. She added a wig, nightgown, and creepy hands and set the strobe light on her. As guests went to the bathroom they could see her through the mirrored closet doors.

I swear the possessed dolls spirit transferred into the exorcist dummy.  Disturbing was an understatement, as we turned on the motor and watched with horrified faces as the head started spinning in slow motion and then in the blink of an eye it was twirling so fast I thought it was going to spin apart. Only moments later to slow and pause looking right at us.

2014: The doll still resides at my parents house. Packed away. I refused to allow my parents to bring her to me, for fear that something horrible would happen on the trip. Also, I am terrified that spirit will haunt me again... or worse, my children.

For the fur babies everywhere.

Starchip
2002-2014

This post is for our greyhound starchip. Sadly, we put her down this morning.

She was one of the good ones. Never barked. Loved to graze. Happiest being alone to do her thing.

Pets are part of our family. It hurts when you have to make that decision... even when they are suffering.

We have old dogs. We had 5, until one passed in 2012. Then we had four. Now we have 3.

So long went by when we assumed children weren't in our future. In fact, on our 6 month anniversary (of dating) we adopted Hero our beagle. 13 years ago last week.

In retrospect that was a huge mistake. She was completely insane and had separation anxiety. She would poop and pee in the house every single time we left. Every. Single. Time.

So we adopted more dogs to ease the anxiety.  It makes sense right? (Idiots!) Within 3 years we had 4 more.

Hero, Starchip, Tully, Billy, & Chucky
This was our Christmas card a few years ago.

Chucky was the oldest greyhound. He was 8 years old when we adopted him. He had never had a family before until us. He lived in a crate his whole life.

His long gangly legs had arthritis in them and he always leaned on Starchip. As much of a loner as she was, in his last weeks she was his crutch. There was rarely a time he was standing that she wasn't there to let him lean against her.

Chucky's last days. Starchip lurks in waiting in case he needs help.

 When we had to make the decision to put Chucky down, he was just a skeleton with one swollen limb, a host to bone cancer. He wasn't eating, he could barely walk, and he panted nonstop... a sure sign of doggie pain.

It felt like we were murderers. Our hearts had been ripped from our bodies and we would never be happy again. As time does, it healed our wounds and made us promise to do a better job with the others: More treats, more walks, more hugs.

Nothing could change that, even the arrival of our daughter 3 months later. But change happens whether you like it or not.

Barking would send me running with an angry face and a "SSSSHHHHHH!!" Which they would just look at me like I was crazy.

Filling the food and water bowls was a nuisance. I was constantly vacuuming dog hair.

Even the clicking of their nails on the hardwood floors would grate my sleep deprived nerves.

One dog started peeing in the house. We took him to a vet and they said it was emotional. He never stopped. It's been 2 years and a lot of diapers but we deal with it because he is a part of the family.

The joy of taking care of the dogs was replaced by annoyed thoughts - "just another 4 more beings to take care of before myself!" Now I want to punch myself in the face for those thoughts.

As much as I was annoyed, I still understood that our dogs were old and they had never been around babies, or children... or probably anyone that was under 21.

One day the inevitable happened.  Our oldest dog was napping on the living room floor. Kenzie was 12 months old and had just started getting more confident on her legs. She was twirling and fell over on him.

He jumped up and bit. As I turned around I just saw her crouched down on the floor with her head down. I grabbed him by the collar and ran him upstairs behind the baby gate. Kenzie sat crying on the floor and there were two little tooth marks on the back of her head.

I was furious, mostly at myself. I knew better than to leave him in the room with us. I couldn't do anything to him. He is old and partially blind. He wouldn't have learned anything from a spanking or yelling. I just vowed to never have him in the same room as the kids ever again.

Our dogs are old. All of them are headed down that road to weight loss, arthritis, and diapers.

I need to remember that they didn't ask to be stuck in a house with two tiny children during their golden years. They assumed life would be as it always was... just the pack.

So today I grieve for my beloved Starchip, so sorry old girl for throwing a wrench in your retirement plan. I hope you find Chucky in the meadow in the sky and can graze as much as your stomach will allow.

A message from our beloved vet in Colorado springs.

Let us never forget the fur babies we cared for before children.

Rest in peace old girl.

Here's looking at 34

Since it's my birthday I will follow suit with all suburban mom blogs and take a look at what 34 looks like from my point of view.

34 is...

• watching episodes of Goldbergs and remembering the "good old times" when you had to call when you got to a friends house, laser light shows at the planetarium, and roller rinks on Saturday mornings.
• getting together with friends and talking about Elmo and other sesame street characters before we all realize what we are doing and change the subject.
• Sleeping in means waking at 7:30am in a panic because no one has woken you up so there must be a carbon monoxide leak in the house.
• "Bedroom time" means the kids play in their room while I take a shower.
• Dinner is cold leftover shells and cheese my toddler took 2 bites out of and then said "All done."
• Napping means passing out for 10 minutes while Frozen is on.
• showing your kids how you can "own" the monkey bars at the playground which ends with you on the ground coughing because the wind was knocked out of you.
• Dining out is bouncing a baby on your knee while shoveling spoonfuls of pasta into your toddlers mouth, all the while staring at your, now cold, $15 meal.
• choosing to be punched in the face rather than going to a club.
• getting pissed off if I'm not asleep by 11pm.
• trying to write a blog post while my toddler is singing "Let it go!" at the top of her lungs while her little brother is trying to sleep.
• A moment of peace comes during the 10 seconds after I put both kids down for a nap before I remember I have work, cleaning and blogging to do before the kids are back up.
• asking for 1 birthday present: Botox
• not having time to look in the mirror, which is a good thing because you aren't impressed with what you see.
• having a house filled with all the inventory from babies R us.
• promising your husband you will wait for him to help move the furniture. Then doing it yourself anyway.
• feeling incredibly sore immediately following lifting anything that isn't a small child or baby.
• having your toddler tell you Ha-Bee Birf-dee and thinking it will never get better than this.

A Mom's Guide to Losing the Baby Weight

Need to lose the rest of that baby weight?  Me too. So let's do it together, before the holidays and the new years resolutions, that by March, have been long forgotten.

Here's my 10 steps to get back in shape after baby.

Step 1: Go to target and buy some new workout gear.
What better way to get back in shape than to buy new gear? I know you still have the workout gear from the last time you "started" to work out... but this time... this time you will follow through. Buy black so you already feel skinnier as soon as you put it on.

These hot pink skorts will NOT be flattering. Steer clear!

 Step 2: When you get up in the morning put on new workout gear.
Let's face it, if you don't have time for a workout, then taking time out to change your clothes doesn't fit in your schedule either. Put on workout shoes as well. Tie hair back in the exact same ponytail you wear every day. 

Step 3: Use a workout that works for you.
Not every workout is created equally for every body. You need to know what works for you. Some people thrive off cardio, some love yoga and pilates. Do what you love to do and do it often. I love weights... anything that makes me feel like I have been beaten up for 2 days, after I work, out is a win in my book. 

Step 4: Do your workout first thing in the morning... or at least at your first morning break.
There are a slim few of us that can tolerate anything after work, most of all a workout. So get up early and do it. You don't need a gym to work out. A fitness magazine and some free weights do the trick or use daily burn, sparkpeople, or a zillion other resources found for free online. Do it before the kids are up, or do it with the kids... whatever, just get it done.

Step 5: Have your healthy menu for the week already planned out.
80% of how your body looks is what you eat, so no more leftover mac and cheese, grilled cheese, cheese sticks... or the other cheesey variations of food you feed your toddler.  Stick to high veggie, high protein diets with whole grains and low dairy. Have to have something sweet after your meals? Stick to fruit. No more soda. Eek! I love cherry coke. <Sigh> Eat small meals often and never let yourself get hungry... ever!

 Step 6: Eat by the clock.
Eat just like your baby does... every 3 hours.  7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, & 7pm.  If you eat that much I guarantee your metabolism will be running on high all day and you won't end up at the pantry scrounging for that one mystery food that will fill your bottomless hunger.

Yup there it is... in between the Cinnamon Toast Crunch and the Ramon Noodles

Step 7: Water. Drink it.
This is just a simple step that is easy to overlook. Already drink water? Drink more of it. Non-water drinks have calories and they add up... fast! So put down that glass of wine and guzzle some water. Once you reach your proper weight you can add that nightly drink back to the menu.

Step 8: Pack your lunch just like your kids.
This is no joke. If you eat out, you are eating crap. Even the salad that you get at lunch has extra cheese, croutons, and dressing. What's that? Oh you get it without cheese and dressing on the side? Well guess what? That dressing has extra fat and calories compared to the kind you buy and measure out at home. Extra points for making your own dressing! Yes this will require a little more planning and work on your part, but it is a new project and for once that project is you.

This photo makes it look so easy right?

Step 9:  Don't get stale.
Don't get complacent. It is super easy to master that workout dvd and then keep doing it without pain. So once you can get through your workouts without breaks or pain, step it up, mix it up, and keep challenging yourself.  Just think if you make it that far you get to make ANOTHER trip to target for a new dvd, bigger weights, more workout clothes, and probably a new water bottle that you definitely don't need but surely deserve.

Step 10: Blog about it.
Put yourself in a position so that when all your friends ask you about your weight loss efforts you don't have to shrug and go stuff your mouth full of mexican burrito to suppress your guilt. You can stand proud and show off your guns.

I bet you looked down at your keyboard just a minute ago, didn't you? 

 My goal right now is simply to get back to where I started before my two babies. I have much loftier goals after I achieve this, so let the journey (i.e. pain) begin!!!

... and for those of you thinking yeah, yeah, get off your high and mighty workout horse: I have been sitting in my new workout gear since 7am and it is now 2:03pm and I haven't worked out and I am about to eat some ramon noodles. So yes, I wrote this post in the hopes that I will get my ass in gear.

Ugh... I hate myself right now.

**Update since that last paragraph, I did actually do my workout finally at 4:50pm. Day 1 finished!

Have ideas, tips, or some inspiration? Are you eating ramon noodles right now too? Please share your comments and ideas with me. I need as much motivation as I can get! Let me know by commenting below or on facebook.

Two. It's final.

Two. It seems so final, as if we didn't give ourselves enough time to really ponder it. I am sure that's why Dan scheduled his vasectomy so quickly after our second. So we wouldn't have time to change our mind.

9/11/2014 = V-day

I have chosen not to think about it. When I start to let my thoughts drift over the finality of it, I shut them down.

At least I don't have to worry about 9 months of back pain any more. No more first trimester nausea and headaches. No more heartburn inspired insomnia. No more fatigue so strong when I bend to tie my shoe I fall into a coma. No more worrying about kick counts and movements. No more restricting my eating habits or skipping that glass of wine. No more guilt over that raw cookie dough I end up eating while pregnant, even though it says on the package NOT to consume while pregnant.

No more labor. No more epidural shots. No more contraction pains. No more hospital stays. No more nurses giving me bruises on my still pregnant looking belly.

No more inconsolable crying, no more witching hours, no more breast feeding pain, no more worry over development. No more endless sleepless nights. No more worrying about SIDS.  No more hormonal roller coaster.

That's what I tell myself, when my mind drifts. When I look at my almost 4 month old, and wish I had 10 more.

No more pregnancies. No more thrill of seeing those two pink lines. No more keeping a first trimester secret. No more dreaming of what our life will be like with another child. No more kicks and hiccups that no one else can feel. No more wondering what our baby will look like. No more discussion about names. No more bump.

No more excitement at the hospital. No more sneaking a snack after the epidural. No more first time seeing our baby. No more holding baby after the lights are dimmed and everyone is gone home. No more first bonding between Mama and Baby.

No more first smiles. No more first giggles. No more soft fuzzy hair to nuzzle. No more soft newborn skin to touch. No more first coos. No more teensy newborn diapers.

Two is all we wanted, and all we need. I am so grateful for what we have.

No more thinking about it. No more wondering. It's over.

Two. It's final.

9-12-14 Day after V-day

Ding!  My text goes off again. It's Dan and he needs something to eat. I still need to feed the baby and toddler so he can wait.

Ding!  I really need to change my text ring. I am not even going to look at the phone.

Ding!   Now he needs water. <Sigh> I can do that...

Ding!  I know he's hungry but I have to put the diapers back on the dogs before they are allowed upstairs.

Ding! Fine. I will just run this up to him and then take care of the kids. Oh shoot... Kenzie saw me leave and now she is wailing. "I'll be right back!" I yell down as I race upstairs and throw a box of graham crackers at Dan. He gives me a dirty look like I was aiming... whatever.

Ding! He wants the cinnamon graham crackers, not the honey ones. ARGH!

9-14-14 3 days later...

Oh for the love of... this car seat is so damn heavy!!!  Ketcher is a chubster and his weight combined with this car seat has to be 40 lbs. Just... a... little.... higher... phew. Ok it's in the truck. Gah! I hate this truck.

Time to hoist Kenzie into the back seat and buckle her in. Why the hell did Dan make the car seat in the middle of the backseat is beyond me. I can't reach and I have to climb in to buckle her up. Grrr...


Dan has to take it easy for a week. Lucky him... and just when our house is in need of groceries and dog food...

9-18-14 1 week later

Dan: "So we can try for another kid in the next 2 months the doctor said."

Me: "Nope. I'm done."