It's now or never!

I spent a fair amount of energy this weekend converting Kenzie's room into a (loosely based) Montessori bedroom. I didn't adopt all the methods but it's a start. I figure if I don't start setting up now, it's not going to happen.

The Montessori environment stresses simplicity and all natural materials, which I am not adhering to since I would have to throw out 90% of her toys. 

I started with creating a reading corner for her. A dedicated spot with baskets of books, a tiny chair, and animal decals at her eye level. She spent 45 minutes afterwards trying to figure out how to get them off the wall... with no success.

Baskets are a blessing, she can actually put books away. 

Next, I set up her table and a chair so she has somewhere to work and have snacks.

Perfect for falling backwards off the chair.

I rearranged her changing table into a toddler wardrobe. I took out a shelf and put up a small curtain rod to hold her clothes. We are starting off with 2 outfit choices for the morning, and 2 PJ choices at night. The drawers hold her shoes, hats, and dress up clothes. She can open everything herself and hopefully this will encourage self dressing in the near future... instead of chasing her down and playing the pin the clothes on the toddler game.

It's especially fun to open all the drawers and take out everything...

I used the window sill and small book case to display some of her toys that don't light up or require batteries. 


She really enjoys swiping all toys off the window sill.

Hooks for her hat & coat, which she brings me repeatedly.

The closet contains her kitchen, food, dishes and other toys that may make noise or light up. I figure if I have those behind closed doors, she won't be over stimulated during nap time or at bedtime if she gets up and starts playing.

The kitchen is next to the toy cube. Luckily she has a big closet.

I bought a set of stairs for the bathroom so she can reach the sink for hand washing and brushing her teeth. 

Stop worrying family, she doesn't use these unassisted.

Although I haven't adopted the mattress-on-the-floor Montessori suggestion, I did bite the bullet and change her crib into a toddler bed. Which so far is working out seamlessly.



It's like a constant where's waldo...

Are we there yet?

My blog posts will become fewer as the last weeks dwindle on. I lost my sense of humor, along with my bladder control, at some point a week or two ago. Also, my creativity and memory are fading, faster than my view of my feet.


My feet are here somewhere.

The push is on for last minute projects. It's now or never. I spent the weekend revamping Kenzie's room to make it more like a Montessori room, encouraging independence. Since I have nothing else to write about I will post pics and updates later this week.

I was struggling with when to convert her crib into a toddler bed. Do I listen to the expert advice and wait until 3-4 months after the new baby gets here?  So just when the new baby starts sleeping longer stretches at night, I can be up with Kenzie all night?  At 5:00am this morning I made the decision to switch. Of course I waited until everyone was up and fed before breaking out my toolbox.

Her afternoon nap was the first test. She was already waiting in bed when I sang "Naptime!" and went into her room. I did the usual prenap ritual and left the room. She fell asleep within 10 minutes, without getting up. So far so good... The real test will be bedtime tonight.

Success!

Yesterday I had mounted a stuffed puppet lion above her bed for a decoration. Last night at bedtime, she was crying hysterically... sure enough, it was the lion. So tonight might bring other fits of mass hysteria. I doubt I can sleep any less than I am now, so it's probably good time to make the switch.

In other news, the dogs have decided to wage a full on war with Dan and I. Every single day, there is an accident. Pee, poop, vomit... they are much harder than dealing with Kenzie.  Today Hero peed in Kenzie's room while I was facetiming with my mom. Last night she peed in the upstairs hallway. Yesterday morning Tully threw up in the bedroom. The day before Billy peed on the bed and floor. The day before that Starchip threw up on the chair. The day before that... seriously it goes on and on and on... all the way back to about the end of December.

We have a vet appointment scheduled for Friday. I am hoping they have a two for one special. Put two down for the price of one... ha ha ha, just kidding... am I?  Seriously, I can't get down and scrub the floor one more time without going into labor. 

Hospital Bag - What to Pack

Task for the day: Pack up the hospital bag.

When I packed my hospital bag last time, I WAY over packed. All the lists online and in my pregnancy books are ridiculous. Here is what I am packing this time:


A few hours before
Kenzie was born

Baby Stuff:

• Nail file - They come out with sharp little nails and mittens do NOT stay on at all.
• Receiving outfit - One outfit to bring him home in.
• 1 Newborn Swaddle Sack - I am not great at swaddling with a blanket, so I am going to save myself some grief this time and bring one of the 10 swaddle sacks I have at home.

My Stuff:

• 1 short sleeved night gown - No pants, lesson learned last time when I had to keep taking them off. Short sleeves because of the pokes, blood pressure cuff, etc.
• 1 bag of giant super sized pads - which are still significantly smaller than the diapers the give you at the hospital. If you think I am kidding, I am not. They are actual baby diapers instead of pads.
• Toiletry bag - with makeup, for pictures.
• 1 maternity dress to wear home - I am excited to see my feet again, but I know I will still look 5 months pregnant when I leave the hospital.
• Sleep mask - To attempt to get shut eye at the hospital, even though I didn't sleep at all after Kenzie was born until she turned 6 months. 
• Breastfeeding Shield - Last time I was hoping they would tell me I had to formula feed because I was in so much pain. This $10 shield is my saving grace.
• List of items to grab that day - some items like my glasses, phone charger, ipad, computer, & phone will need to be packed that day so I have a written list on the dresser.
• Snacks - Yogurt pretzels, granola bars, chips, mmm...

What NOT to bring:

• Pants - Do not bring pants, unless you want to get in and out of them over and over and over.
• Something to wear during labor.  Why would you ever want your clothing ruined by the mess of labor? Use the hospital gown during labor and before you take a shower.
• A bunch of stuff for the baby. You will get shirts, diapers, blankets and hats at the hospital, so do yourself a favor and pack light.

That's pretty much it. Short and sweet. Kind of like that baby I will be holding soon!

A few hours after Kenzie was born.

A Day in the Life... part 2

Continued from part 1...

It hasn't been long, only about 4 minutes before my eyes pop open because I smell something horrific. No way I can smell Kenzie's diaper all the way upstairs. I roll out of bed and carefully start searching the floor. I take 2 steps and see the big pile of steaming dog poop at the top of the stairs. I let out a guttural "ARRRGGHH!" and grab the Resolve carpet cleaner from the laundry closet. Of course the carpet cleaner bottle won't spray unless it's upright.

10 minutes later I am under the hot water scrubbing off the stench of poop and diapers. After I reluctantly turn the water off, I spend another 5 minutes using half a bottle of Palmers cocoa butter lotion. My only friend in the battle against stretch marks. We have been through one war together, one more to go, and it's almost over.  No marks yet.  Four weeks to go, we can do this Palmers.

I am heading back downstairs and Dan and is heading out to the mountain. I don't blame him. It's his weekend too. If I could take a few hours off, I would.

I spend the next hour in Kenzie's room reading her books. There is no easy way to sit on the floor. If I sit cross legged the  baby pushes up into the left side of my rib cage. If I lay down on my side, it feels like the baby is going to rip right OUT of my side. So I lean back against her toddler chair and try to ignore the pulsing ache in my lower back.



Hurry it up Ma!

Time for a walk to the post office, to snap us out of our funk. We go out to the garage and get the stroller. I have to keep one eye on Kenzie to make sure she doesn't step on any of the defrosting dog poop.  
I strap her in and we head off. I am walking like a bow legged, wild west cowboy at this point. When strangers pass by I say "Howdy" just for shits and giggles. The walk is probably a little under 2 miles round trip. I have to keep stopping to catch my breath. I point out all the birds, dogs, cars and trucks we see. She loves our walks and so do I, pains and all. We make it there just fine.

We turn around for the walk home and within 3 minutes I can feel contractions. They feel like real ones, not the Braxton hicks ones. I stop and sit down on a bench, and we both drink some water. Kenzie is trying to climb out of her stroller. It takes another 4 stops before we make it home.

She was ready for her nap.
Brought me her sleep suit
on her head.

As soon as I sit down on the couch the contractions stop. 12:30 We eat lunch and then it's nap time. I go through the ritual of closing curtains, changing the diaper, stuffing her into her sleep suit, and turning on the sound machine. I pick her up and snuggle her. She laughs and tosses her head back. I pretend to drop her into her crib and she laughs again. I actually drop her into the crib, which luckily she does enjoy, because I am too big to bed over the crib railing and set her in.  I leave the room and she is still laughing.

10 minutes later I check the monitor before I log into work. She is sound asleep. I smile. She is perfect and I take a minute to think about how grateful I am to have her. Tantrums and all. Now, I have 90 minutes to get as much work done as possible and then the fun starts again.

Sound asleep, water cup in one hand, seahorse in the other.

To be continued...



A Day in the Life... part 1

I can feel the sun coming in through the curtains of the loft. I crack one eye open and feel a searing sting. I am guessing it is 6am. I shut my eye and hope to fall back asleep for another hour.

Who am I kidding?

I am laying sideways in bed over my pregnancy pillow, Bob. It takes me three attempts to roll over and look at the monitor to see if Kenzie is up. Nope, not yet. I shut my eyes again and wonder how every day I can wake up more tired than the day before.

With my eyes still stinging, I reach to check the time on my phone: 5:50am. I know I won't fall back asleep, so my choices are to get up and take a shower, read the discipline book I downloaded the night before, or check my facebook. I almost always check my facebook.

6:20am The monitor kicks on. Kenzie is up, but it's way too early to get her. She rolls around and plays in her crib until 7:00am. She's a good sport.

I roll out of bed and head downstairs. I can hear her sippy cup of water clanging against the bars of her crib like a trapped prisoner. I force a smile on my face and open her door. "Hi Baby!!"

She sits up and squints when I open her drapes.  Her hair, what little of it she has, is sticking straight up. She smiles her sweetest smile at me.  In that moment, I can't wait to pick her up and snuggle her before she regains her strength and pushes me away.

I turn off the sound machine and scoop her up in my arms. She curls up with her head in my neck, rubbing her eyes. It's tiny seconds like these that make me grateful to be a parent. She then spots a toy, a book, a bird outside and starts pointing and squirming. My attempts at bending over and sitting down at this stage in pregnancy are futile.  I end up getting her to the floor and then I carefully squat down and fall to the side. It is anything but graceful. I take a moment to catch my breath.

We sing the alphabet song and itsy bitsy spider. I can tell how the morning will go during her first diaper change. If she is pleasant, and singing along, we will have a good morning. If she is squirming and starts crying we are in trouble. Looks like today will be trouble, much like the 5 days prior.

What else can I cry about
in the next 10 minutes?

I finish up and she starts grabbing books and chucking them around the room. I am on all fours attempting to get up and she starts crying because she wants me to read.  I sing "Breakfast! Are you ready to eat?" and she runs from the room. One crisis quickly averted.



After being up for 10 mins.

I meet her in the kitchen where she has a hold of the fridge doors. I reach for the oatmeal in the cupboard and she melts into the floor and starts crying. Obviously it was an unacceptable move to heat the oatmeal BEFORE getting out her milk. I ignore it and she stops when the timer goes off.

Breakfast lasts until she acts like she is gagging. Time for me to eat.  My morning cuisine consists of scarfing down a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch standing at the counter and drinking a glass of pure-absorb iron water. Not exactly the breakfast of champions I probably need.

I hear some noise above. Dan must be up with the dogs. I can almost feel the sweet relief of a shower on my aching back. I go sit on the couch and await the multitude of books that Kenzie will bring me. She has one of the library books we checked out this week. We read it together and then point out all the animals, then we do it again, and again, and again, and again.


<sniff> why do you keep
taking my picture?

"Ok Kenz, I think we got this one down, go get another." She melts onto the floor and starts crying. I am starting to think I should have read my discipline book instead of messing with facebook this morning.

Dan comes into the living room clean shaven and dressed. I am still in my bathrobe and glasses. "Did you take a shower?" he says. I can feel my blood starting to boil, but I keep my mouth shut and head upstairs. It's 9:30am and I have already dealt with more melt downs in 90 minutes today, than all of her first year.

Instead of hurrying into the shower I stop and curl up on my bed in the loft. I shut my stinging eyes and decide to hide here until they find me. They always find me...

To be continued...

Stop the parenting BS

How to start feeling better as a parent...  I know I am blaming my laziness on my pregnancy, but after the new baby I will just blame it on sleep deprivation. It's time to get motivated, but first I have to stop buying into the BS.

I am going to start on this craft
as soon as I can find the pattern...

First step, stop beating myself over not being a crafty mom. How are so many moms, with tons of small children so crafty?  I am not even sure I own a pair of scissors that aren't used for food preparation. I started subscribing to educational toddler websites that basically say, if I am not creating sensory bins, bags, and boxes my children will not become functional humans. A $30 trip to walmart, and 20 minutes later, I created 2 sensory bags one with beads and the other with glittery spring flowers. Kenzie has not touched them.

Next, I need to unlike the 25 healthy cooking websites that come across my facebook news feed. At this point, I am too tired to bake a frozen pizza, let alone make a weeks worth of healthy meals. I make sure Kenzie eats well. As for myself and Dan, we are grown ups, we can help ourselves.  As I am writing this Dan is eating his "dinner" which is 3 handi-snacks, a cherry coke, and parmesan pretzels. Maybe I need to rethink this...

Get over regional mom bashing. What I mean here is that where ever we live there is a bandwagon, and if you can't get on then you feel like an outcast.  Where I live it's all about breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and avoiding fluoridated water.  Well I supplemented with formula from day one and went to full formula at 6 months.  I tried the G-diapers but I got sick of cleaning the poop off all of her clothes so I switched to disposables.  The worst of all... I actually follow the pediatric dentistry guidelines of brushing Kenzie's teeth twice a day with a smear of fluoride toothpaste. If that makes me an outcast, then so be it. I have a healthy kid, and that's all that matters.

Lastly, I am not alone and neither are you dear readers. For every adorable baby photo you see on facebook from your friends, there are 5 more like this:



But I WANT to wear my bathrobe and sunglasses with this outfit!

For every wonderful craft done, there is this...

Isn't this fun Mommy?

And for every amazing healthy meal, there are 3 others ending like this...

What was wrong with handi-snacks?

A Letter to My Dearest

My husband doesn't read my blog, which in some ways is good. Changes are a comin' and instead of telling him (and scaring him) I will just write them here:

To My Darling Husband,

When this new baby comes, you are going to have to share your heart with another adorable being, just as special as our precious baby girl.  You are also going to have to change the diaper genie for the first time ever, which I am positive is one of Dante's 9 circles of hell.  There is nothing more putrid smelling than 4 days of poopy diapers shoved into a funnel.

It is truly moving to watch you gently carry a sleeping Kenzie from the truck into the house.  In the following months, I will also be moved, watching you on the monitor at 1:30am trying to console our dear daughter who has woken up for no reason at all.  Good luck falling back asleep.

You have always been a wonderful Dad to our children and our dogs. The time has come for you to take over the loving responsibility of changing our old dogs diapers, which are much more soaked and frequent than our children's ever were.  Also, the 3am puking, which seasonally picks up in the Spring, will now be your glorious task.

There is no other person on this earth, that Kenzie is happier to see walk into the house. I absolutely
love, and admire, watching you play with our daughter. Teaching her to ski this young is amazing, and probably a necessity, since your shaky depth perception of our door frames have probably taken a toll on her. Remember to tuck the new baby into your body as you cross the threshold from room to room. 

I love the way you love me. We aren't the most affectionate couple, but you make me feel loved every day by the little things you do, like picking me up a cold treat on your way home from work. If you even think about eating my ice cream cookie sandwiches after this baby is born, I will break your knees in your sleep.

With Love Always,
Your Loving Wife

Pregnancy and Kenzie Update

Ready for my close up.

I have been getting bombarded with two questions: 1. How are you feeling? 2. How is Kenzie?

Here is a little update for all our friends and family:

Kenzie - 16 months

Kenzie is blowing my mind with her skiing. I can't believe how much joy she gets out of it. Obviously, she got that passion from Dan. It is truly a joy to see Dan's face glowing when he gets home from the hill with her. I have never seen anyone more proud.

Other new developments: Screaming. I guess she has found the volume of her voice and she is testing it to the extreme. She screams because she is happy, mad, or sees a dog.  She can say Hero, dog, cat, duck, ball, hi, bye, and daddy.  She tries to say elephant, bird, banana, gorilla, I love you, and probably a bunch of other words I haven't picked up yet.

She has mastered her threading farm as of Sunday, which made me almost as proud as the skiing. She is also playing her harmonica, and has started to feel more comfortable playing solo in her room while I work in the living room or kitchen.

She knows where her eye, nose, ears, teeth, foot, toes, mouth, and belly button are. New this week: Elbow. 

Pregnancy - 6 weeks left

Kenzie screaming, I was trying to smile
but my ears were bleeding.

My energy level is plummeting again. I have been trying to go on walks just to get out of the house. When we come home I plop down on the couch and slide slowly into a coma, until Kenzie starts shrieking and pulls me back out.

I started sleeping in the guest bed, which has helped significantly. We just can't fit 2 adults, 3 dogs, and my gigantic pregnancy pillow, named Bob, in one bed. Plus the dogs were taking turns throwing up at 3am all last week.

Unfortunately the baby is 100% a night owl already. I fall asleep and he wakes me up punching my bladder, rolling around, and last night stuck some body part in the side of my pelvis, waking me up to excruciating pain. The irony was, it was probably his elbow.

No squandering my freedom today!

Dan took Kenzie skiing and I stayed home. This time I didn't squander my freedom, on the couch. 

What would I be doing right now if I didn't have kids? 

First of all, my house wouldn't smell like a fart. So I set to work. First thing first, put on MY music. None of Dan's bluegrass, no songs from Frozen. 

Ugh, what is that smell?

I am putting down the carpet deodorizer I fail to use when Kenzie is around, because it will end up either in her mouth or she will spill water on it turning it into a sticky carpet goo. <Sniff> Yup better already. Let's add a candle and an airwick plugin I haven't changed in 6 months. Mmm lavender and pumpkin spice. Weird combo but I think it works.

Time to vacuum. Why not do the upstairs too. No one ever sees that, so I think the last time it was done was... hmm... well that doesn't matter.

Done. Toys are picked up and I sit here 30 minutes later and there are still lines from the vacuum in the carpet. I love that. 

Time to clean up the hallway where Dan leaves all of his snowboarding and ski gear. I think there is a bench under here somewhere, I saw it last summer.

What else would I do if I didn't have kids?  Well lets take a look at my reflection. EESH! I seriously didn't realize I only put eyeliner on one eyelid today. I went grocery shopping like that. Some of you are thinking, how could you not notice? Others are thinking, you left the house like that?  Everyone else is thinking... eyeliner, what's that? Anyway, I fixed it.

Hiya doing Hal?

What else? They will be home soon so I better think fast. Hmm... wait, what is that smell?  It smells like spicy cologne. Is there an old dude in a bathrobe lurking in my house?  Abort mission! Lavender and pumpkin spice do not work together!

Boy Baby Names

Dan wanted to get everyone's opinion on our name list. Some of these are just fillers, some are Dan's favorites, some are my favorites.  Our leading names are included in the list. What's your favorite?  Post comments below or on facebook.

• Ansel
• Bauer
• Case
• Dempsey
• Ellis
• Fisher
• Gord
• Hudson
• Irwin
• James
• Kilian
• Lane
• Mumford
• Ned
• Owen
• Pader
• Quigley
• Redmond
• Sam
• Tennyson
• Ulysses
• Vaughn
• Whitaker
• Xavier
• Yates
• Zane

I need a name!

My Own Worst Enemy

Yup that's me. 5th grade.. Do we all have awkward years or was it just me?  I feel like we all do, although some have many, many more years than others.

5th Grade - So it begins...

I am sure my awkward years have shaped me into who I am now, especially since I was so ugly, I had to figure out how to be funny.  I didn't have my family's quick wit, so I had to come up with my own brand of humor.  I spent hours perfecting my impressions and watching recorded tapes of SNL.

I spent my Friday nights with the beloved TGIF line up. I am not sure what I would have done without Full House, Step by Step, Perfect Strangers, and Family Matters.

Oh Balki, don't be Re-dic-u-lous!

I was part of the nerd group, but I wasn't particularly smart. I was just struggling to fit in like everyone else. Unfortunately, I would struggle for years before I stopped caring about what people thought.

My worst enemy during this time was myself. I had totally unrealistic expectations. I had some Disney-like image of how I should look. Shouldn't everyone have blond hair? Shouldn't we all be able to talk to animals and sing?  In 1989, little mermaid came out and now I had to add boobs to my list of Disney princess things I didn't have.

It didn't help that I continually embarrassed myself. 5th grade I had to read this word out loud: "unique". For someone that was in the slow reading group in 2nd grade, there was no way I could figure that out. So I pronounced it U - NEE - Q. Oh boy... that's rough. People that were in my class STILL remember that! 
 
In 6th grade, there was 2 minutes left before the bell rang to go home. A classmate started singing the Chi-Chi's Mexican restaurant commercial: "Fri-i-i-ied, Fri-i-i-ied Ice Cream" and just as he ended 2 loud farts erupted and then the bell rang. There was no hiding who did it. Sigh...


6th Grade - Yup it was me and I was
probably wearing this same 3 piece suit
 

9th Grade homecoming dance, I went without a date, with some friends and their dates. Like all 14 year olds, we went to taco bell after the dance. When our parents came to pick us up, it had rained. We walked out, I slipped and fell. After that all I heard was "Better call Sam!" Sam Bernstein was an injury lawyer with countless terrible daytime commercials. Damn you Sam... damn you.

My awkwardness came and went in high school, but returned again in college in another way.  I packed up my puzzles, scrapbooking supplies, and other nerdiness and put them away. I wasn't going to be myself any more. It was time to find a new me. So my low self esteem and I went on a 3 year journey. I was loud, rowdy, emotional, and deep down, unsettled.  It didn't take long before I realized I couldn't keep up the façade.


8th Grade - My glasses were even crooked!

Turns out I am a nerd. I love puzzles, dorky sitcoms, and reading nonfiction. I enjoy doing accounting all day and writing at night. I like being alone, which is different than being lonely. I love that I found someone who loves my nerdiness because isn't that what being a Disney princess really is?  To find your prince charming that loves you for who you are? 

I am still awkward in some social situations and have lingering social anxiety.  Having Kenzie has actually been a blessing, because when she is with me I know exactly who I am. I am Kenzie's mom and nothing else matters.  Ok... that and staying away from fried ice cream and commercial jingles.



Sept 2013



It's been snowing here since October.

Hero doesn't escape
show knows where the food is.

Ah April... how does it go? April showers bring May flowers? Yes that's it. Did they mean snow showers? They must.

My boss just sent me an email stating that it's snowing in Colorado Springs today. I replied back that it's been snowing here since October. I didn't specify October 1st because it probably wasn't necessary. 

We have had piles of snow all winter long. So much snow, that in my 30 weeks of being pregnant, I had to hike 6 blocks pushing a baby in a stroller, over snowy streets, to retrieve one of my dogs that walked out of the yard. Our fence is at least 5 foot high, but you haven't been able to see it since December.

Dan has been out of work twice this winter from a pulled neck muscle due to shoveling. At least that's what we tell people. The first time it happened he was putting on a shirt, the second time he was washing his hair, but it's probably from shoveling.



There is a man out there shoveling
the snow is up to his head.

Yesterday, I went out and started Dan's truck for him in the morning. When I opened the door of the truck, the wind blew and covered both the interior and myself with wet snow. You don't need coffee in the morning when you get a shot of snow up your bathrobe.  HELLO I'M AWAKE!

Don't get me wrong, I love snow. I love admiring it from a window, watching it fall while sipping a cup of hot cider, and waking up on Christmas to the ground and trees sparkling. There is also nothing more spectacular than a partly sunny day, when you catch a snowflake on your finger. Really look at it. It is totally magnificent and something everyone, everywhere should admire at some point in their life.


Good thing she likes it.

We moved to the mountains and I knew what I was getting into. People up here celebrate the snow, the more the merrier. The resorts will stay open this year until July 4th, or at least that's the rumor. I will continue to admire it from the inside of my warm house, and only from October to Christmas. After that I will continue to complain until August, when the last of it melts.

Ridiculous Baby Bucket Items

As I said in my last post, there are so many unreal things they tell you to do before having a baby. Let's count them down...

7. Perform a random act of kindness.  Yes do this because you will become an evil shrew after you have a child. Seriously? I feel like I am kinder now that I have a child.  Never stop doing random acts of kindness.

6. Develop a hobby. Great piece of advice, because after baby you are going to have so much time for your hobbies. Save the money from the scrapbooking supplies in your amazon cart right now and put it into a diaper fund.

5. Address any problems in your relationship. I am not saying this is a bad idea, but if you have some bad problems in your relationship you shouldn't have a baby bucket list. Kids put a tremendous amount of stress on a relationship, so if you aren't solid, but the baby on hold.

4. Buy your dream car. Sure go ahead and spend the money to buy your dream car. As if having a child isn't expensive enough. What you should be doing is saving your money NOW to pay off the insane medical bills from having a kid. The reality is that you will be cashing in your dream car waaaaay before you have it paid off, to get something kid friendly, like the Toyota the Muppets are singing in on that commercial. Yes I want one.

3. Enjoy an all-nighter. Ha! You are going to have plenty of these after baby. Do the opposite and get yourself some sleep now.

2. Take a career risk. Honestly, now is NOT the time for risking your career. You want something stable that you can take a long maternity leave and not worry about losing your job. Also health insurance is sometimes not available for the first 3 months of a new job.

And the #1 worst baby bucket idea is:  1. Have someone else's baby come and stay overnight. WHAT?! I have never ever heard worse advice. First of all, this just seems creepy. Second, if your child wakes in the middle of the night, it is vastly different than someone else's child crying at 3am.  Third, you will surely decide never to have children after that night and then a few months later concede. So do yourself a favor and skip this horrible step.

Have you read some terrible pre-baby advice?  What was it? Comment below.