Sunday, September 25, 2016

In Loving Memory of My Dad


11 days ago I was flying home to spend time with my family. I had no idea I would only be granted a few hours with my Dad before he passed away.

If you were lucky enough to know him, you can imagine the pain I might be feeling right now. It feels endless.


However, if he could communicate with me right now he would be making jokes about finally getting to play poker with Wild Bill Hickok.


That doesn't look like a poker face.

I have pasted my memorial speech below.  I hope you enjoy reading it and please smile and remember all of the joy he brought to our lives.

***

In loving memory of my dad, whose essence can’t be described in a 500 character obituary.

My dad didn’t want a funeral. He would never want us to stand around crying for his loss.  This is a celebration of his life. Tonight we will tell stories and jokes and not be afraid to laugh. We will live exactly as he wished: With compassion in our hearts and a smile on our faces, bringing joy and light to everyone here tonight.

I hope that sharing my own stories of my dad will make you remember, make you laugh, and encourage you to share your own stories.

He was a simple man that loved family, hunting, poker, the Detroit Lions and of course fishing. Going through hundreds of pictures no matter how big or small the fish was, he still had the same gigantic smile on his face with every catch.  

Every year, while my friends went to the beach, or Disney World, or skiing for spring break, he and I would pack up for a week of camping and fishing. He would tell amazing stories and have all of us kids believing in Sasquatch and the magic of our Sasquatch sticks that we had created that day out of tree branches. His ghost stories were so scary that a 12 year old could wet their pants. (Don't ask how I know that.) We would hike around the rivers and through the forests. Once I slipped and fell into a giant mud puddle.

Immediately he halted our crew and said: “Amanda, are you okay?”

I said (through gritted teeth): “yes.”

Then he said: “Okay everyone, you can go ahead and laugh now.” Everyone burst out laughing.

Each one of us can stand here and tell a story about how he made us laugh. When I was in elementary school we were asked to talk about what our Dad’s did for a living.

I said “My dad is a comedian.”

My teacher said “I don’t think that’s right, can you explain what he does?”

I said “He sits on a stool and makes jokes into a microphone.”

At the time I didn’t realize the difference between “comedian” and “committee man” at GM but either way I think we all can agree he was always making us laugh.

I can’t think of anyone that would make a better Santa Claus than my dad. When he would put on that suit he became the real Santa Claus. Giving out gifts and laughs to all of the children and adults every year on Christmas Eve. When the children were grown he and my mom would still play Santa by paying mortgages, delivering cookies, and visiting with family and friends.  In my mind he was the real Santa Claus…. Unless he had on a Grinch mask, in which case, don’t even try messing with his bag of candy.

Photo credit: Havasunews
Shockingly there are a bunch of photos of the Grinch
getting arrested so I guess he's not the only one. 


He wasn’t much of a talker, but he would sit on the end of my bed as I played with my toys and just listen to the ramblings of a little girl. He was always there, ready to give me a hug whenever I did or didn’t need it.

In 7th grade I tried out for cheerleading. I’m sure my parents were dreading tryouts watching their uncoordinated, 11 year old in crooked glasses, practicing for the big day. When that day arrived and my name was not called, my dad drove me home as I cried. He said no words, and just simply handed me a roll of life savers.

To say that my dad loved the Detroit Lions is an understatement. I doubt there was another person that ever rooted for them as wholeheartedly and loudly as my dad.

On my 16th birthday he took me to my first and only lions game. He yelled so loud from the upper deck at the silver dome I was sure the coach and players could hear him. I’m also sure that’s one of the reasons I have to wear hearing aids today. I will never forget that trip or how often he yelled out to  Herman Moore, or that Greg Landry leaned on the ball one too many times.

That bottom pic is on my 16th birthday.
Clearly I was thrilled.

My dad was a big kid at heart and treated every child like his own. He would walk all of the kids in the neighborhood to school with me. He told cheesy dad jokes and growing up all of my friends would wish they had him as a dad. Even as adults at my bachelorette party he told my friends to call him when the night was over and he would drive them to the diner for breakfast and then home. Oddly enough… that’s exactly what they did. It wasn’t because one of them couldn’t drive, it was just because it was Tom and people just wanted to be around him.


Family always held a special place in his heart.

It didn’t matter if I lived in the same town or hundreds of miles away he would always answer the phone the same way:

 “Is this the person to who I am speaking to?”

38 years of marriage to my mom and it’s undeniable that they loved each other just as much as they always did.  He beamed with pride when he talked about his grand kids. My kids may be too young to remember him, but he will live on through my stories and memories. I will retell his jokes and sing his silly songs to them. He will never be forgotten and he will always bring laughter.  



I know if I ask him tonight: “Dad, are you okay? He would answer yes… you can go ahead and laugh now.”

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to share your memories here or on facebook. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Dear Husband - Here is your survival guide

Dear Dan,

I have written up a few notes to help you while I am on my trip. Please read through them carefully. They are merely suggestions but they will make your days easier.

STARTING NOTES
Daily Rhythm:
Try to create a daily rhythm so the kids will know what to expect with you.  It doesn't have to follow my notes, but create one of your own and stick with it. This will make them feel more secure and have less tantrums.

Cell Phone Use:
If you need to use the phone to make a call or answer a call the only acceptable times are during quiet time or after bedtime. If you disregard this warning the following WILL happen:
1. Instant ear-piercing screams from a 3 year old. Your phone may shatter and your ears will be left bleeding.
2. The 2 year old will remove his pants and attempt to poop. If you are luckily it will be on the bathroom floor, if it is a normal day it will be on the carpet.
*Note: The more important the call, the louder the screaming & runny the poop will be. See graph below:


Lessons:
Kenzie's reading lesson should be done in the morning or at the latest, after quiet time. It takes 10-15 minutes. Do not do more than one lesson per day. DO NOT GET FRUSTRATED, DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR PHONE. This is uninterrupted one on one time. Do not say out loud "you suck at this" or any other negative statement you will may think during the lesson. Just keep powering through it. I promise at one point, during one of the lessons, you will be glad you were the first to hear her finally getting it.

I have created 5 boxes of activities for the kids. Use one box each day. The boxes will have craft supplies, activities, games, and other fun. Each pencil pouch has a different activity.

Leaving the House:
Should you HAVE to run an errand, only 1 errand per day is suitable. It should be done directly after a snack or meal and Kenzie MUST use the potty before exiting the house. If you forget this critical detail, she will HAVE to pee at the exact moment your cart is full of groceries and you are no where near a bathroom.

I have found that after making the quiet time smoothies is ideal for a short run to the grocery store. It eats up time before dinner, the grocery store isn't too busy yet, and the kids can bring their smoothies along which keeps their hands and mouths busy.

MEALS
Breakfast:
7:00am wake up time for all. Take dogs out immediately.
7:00-9:00am Breakfast
2 hours may seem excessive but this is the best time of day to stuff the kids full of food and enjoy some pleasurable time at the table talking, reading, drawing, laughing, and singing. The children will eat at both 7am and again at 8:45am. (It goes downhill after that...)

Possible food choices:
Fruit
Oatmeal
Bagels of any size but make sure you call them "green".
Bacon
Eggs
Cereal + Milk
Pizza
Mac N Cheese

Lunch:
11:00am
Possible food choices: (served with fruit)
PBJ
Grilled Cheese
Soup
Cream cheese roll ups

If snacks are given at any point, it is unlikely they will eat much for lunch or any other meal.

Dinner:
Please review the graph in the picture below. Left circle = foods Kenzie will eat, right circle = foods Ketcher will eat. The overlap are the foods that they both will eat.




OTHER
Quiet Time:
Between the hours of 1pm to 3pm (or 30 minutes ahead or behind this time), please use the upstairs to complete any calls, emails, napping, hobbies, TV watching or other nonsense.
Not being in compliance with this measure, i.e. using the living room for leisure will result in "jack-in-the-boxing".  Every 3-5 minutes the 3 year old will be coming out to talk to you about going to the bathroom, yelling at you for being too loud, or just telling you that she "hears things out here." By the end of quiet time you will feel both pissed off and robbed of a break.

Kenzie will need a water, snack, toy bin, and her songs on repeat. Also, please open the drapes and clear off space on her bed in case you get lucky and she falls asleep.

Ketcher will need a clean diaper, his shoes off, sound machine on, drapes closed, a snack, and water. He should be sleeping within 10 minutes, but if he isn't, he probably pooped, unless you answered or made a call earlier and then he should have gotten it out of his system.

After Quiet Time:
Wake Ketch up at 3:30 if he is still napping. Make kids smoothies:

1cup soy milk
1cup apple juice
1 small handful of spinach
1/4 of a zucchini or squash
lots of frozen strawberries
Always use the Thomas the Train and Paw Patrol cups for two reasons:
1. The smoothie eventually turns green as the spinach sits. These cups are not see-through.
2. Hell hath no wrath like a toddler not getting their correct cup.

Suitable activities: Beautiful walk outside (yes use those exact words), TV time, activity box, or scissor time. Use scissor books and pouch on the counter. Prepare to use the broom to sweep up 10,000 tiny triangles.

See!

Bath Time:
Baths can be given at any time. It should be noted that the children will make the bathroom their own water park, so please have extra towels at the ready and do not run.

I won't even get into washing the kids hair without making them cry. It will be impossible. Good luck to you.

Bed Time: 
The greatest time of day. The lights should be off and doors closed NO LATER than 7pm. If needed an earlier bedtime works, just use this method:
1. Feed the kiddos their cup of vitamins - Ketch gets 3, Kenz gets 4.
2. PJs
3. Floss and brush talking about how delicious the flavor is for each. The alphabet should be sung while brushing.
4. Snuggle time in Kenzie's bed. Have her pick 3-4 books and snuggle in with one child on each side. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PUT THEM NEXT TO EACH OTHER!
5. By book 3 Kenzie should be getting really sleepy. Lights off and time to take Ketcher to bed.
6. Read to Ketcher. He may play with his toys while you read, but do it anyway. When you are tired wrap it up and turn off the light. Sound machine on, lady bug on, 25 kisses, 12 "one more hug", a chat with Mickey Mouse, and one last giggle.

Finally... ahhhh!


Done! Congratulate yourself on keeping the kids alive because that's really all that matters at the end of the day. Treat yourself to some ice cream and HBO. Make a battle game plan for the following day. The more prepared and predictable you make it, the smoother it will go.

Before you go to bed:
Kenzie needs to use the potty.
Check on Ketcher. He has been putting toys, sippy cups, and other items into his PJs before he falls asleep. If those items are not removed, he will wake up crying. Also, make sure his water is still on his bed, this will ensure a full nights sleep for you... because you are going to need it.



Love,
Amanda