Word for 2016: Shocking

If I had one word for 2016 it would be shocking. It was full of shocking moments that were both happy and unbearably tragic. Some of the moments that will be burned into my memory are when Dan decided he wanted to go back to school, we sold a house, we moved, I lost a parent, Kenzie learned to read and write, and finally learning that a whole new journey has been laid out in front of me.

 

 

Now, I am not going to put up a white picket fence around a yard full of dog turds. There were moments this year when I pleaded with God to make me wake up from this horrific nightmare. I had to wrap my arms around my body for days because it was the only way I could physically and emotionally hold myself together. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t even feel. I played the fake-it-till-you-make-it game for weeks just so no one would have to be burdened about my well-being. I felt the hands of darkness pulling at me.

However, two things always remain true:

1. Life is just a series of moments.

2. Light always trumps dark.

There is no time to succumb to the dark when you have to be a parent. With a 2 & 3 year old life is a list of tasks with no time in between for self-reflection, or grieving, or even processing. I went through the usual stages of grief, lingering in the poor me, life is unfair stage for a little too long.

 

 

When I realized that it was getting me nowhere I adopted my usual mental mantra “scientia potentia est.” Knowledge is power. I read books about grieving, I spent all of my free time - so about 15 minutes a week - writing to work out my feelings, reading more books, looking for signs, and trying to appear as normal as possible.

Finally, I just sat quietly and processed everything that had been happening in my peripheral vision. There were some really great moments mixed into this mess of change and emotion. If I had to choose between dwelling on the terrible moments and holding on to the great ones, what am I choosing right now?  Which do I want to choose?  What are YOU choosing right now?

It is in those moments that I decided I would only go to the light because light beats dark. Every. Time. Don’t believe me? Go into a dark closet in the middle of the night, turn on a flashlight or light a match… darkness can’t snuff out the light. Light always wins.

 

 

I would say most people do some soul searching after a tragedy and I am no different.  I found, nay, was guided to begin a new journey. One of the highlights includes doing random acts of kindness for people. This is interesting because up until now I have not really been much a people person. I have always preferred animals over people, I generally keep my head down so I don’t have to talk to people, and let’s face it… I am a work-at-home, small business accountant… my career literally was designed so I didn’t have to interact with people.

A few days ago I was prompted to do something kind for a stranger. Very simply, I bought a woman’s meal at subway. The moment I paid, the feeling of light and gratification I got from spending $5 on a stranger, made me happier than anything I have felt in months. My heart felt like it swelled up and was about to burst. My head was tingly like after a glass of wine on an empty stomach. You couldn’t slap the smile off my face for hours. As I was leaving subway she called out with tears in her eyes “Why did you do this?” I just called back “Merry Christmas!”

 

 

On the way home I felt my dad sitting in the passenger seat looking at me smiling. I could feel the proud radiating from him. It was a moment of complete happiness, joy, and contentment. It’s those moments of happiness when I can feel my Dad so close it’s as if he never left, and I'm beginning to realize he hasn't.

If you have lost a loved one, you have probably experienced a feeling that they were near at a particular time. My experience with my Dad being close and helping to guide me out of grief and into a realm of happiness and contentment goes way beyond this one instance, but that story is for another post, or another blog, or you might just think I’m nuts.

My 2017 journey begins with great happiness and light, when it could have easily ended in grief and darkness. To me that is shocking. I would have never imaged I would lose my Dad while he was so young. I would have never expected to find happiness while finding a way to live without him. I have new opportunities to change lives on the horizon and that is more hope than I could have possibly imagined at this point in my life.

 

 

So 2017, I am ready for you. Let’s head to Seattle and start changing the world!

If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one, please reach out to me. It would be nice to find like-minded individuals to help processes our grief together. If you see signs like pennies, feathers, rainbows, or just a feeling that you know they are there... I can assure you, they are. Thank you for reading!

A family that fills the void.

First trip home since that-which-must-not-be-named happened. I won't get into the details of my whole trip, just what I learned from the family I have been distant from since I moved away.

The morning we were leaving for Michigan started normal enough... I walked out of my bedroom to let the dogs out and Ketcher was screaming "I HAVE TO POOP!!!"

We rushed to the potty and he had explosive diarrhea. At the same time Kenzie walked in the bathroom, grabbed the teal waste basket and started puking into it.

We wrapped the car in plastic and I brought 4 changes of clothes for each of them. I was praying for no sickness on the plane, but it might have made the security line in Denver a little faster. Either way, we were lucky enough to have neither kid sick until the car ride to Flint.

A few days into the trip we went up north (Michigan style) to hang out at The Ranch. This place rivaled the ritziest place I've ever been... except maybe The Louvre for obvious reasons.  If that's what going up north is count me in!!! 

This is The Ranch at night... imagine the day time pic!
Which I forgot to take...

A giant elk was the first thing we saw at The Ranch.
You know it's real because he's peeing.

 

After dropping the kids with my nephew's very sweet fiancé, we headed to the rifle river to scatter my dad's ashes. We could feel the Devine intervention simply because the weather was strangely 65 degrees in the middle of November... in Michigan... if that isn't weird, I don't know what is.

Beautiful setting where he can fish from now on.

It was very serene and could have been emotional until, without thinking, I handed the ashes to my nephew and said "So do you want to do a ceremonial ash shaking?"  If you didn't find that line funny, say it out loud. Hear it now? 

Thanks Dad for sending me the line "ash shaking"
while we are trying to do something serious.

We headed over to one more location. It was a camp ground with the most beautiful, unfiltered view of the sunset we could have ever asked for.

If this doesn't say Heaven, what does?

I managed to keep my mouth shut at this location and I took some great pics. This is after the scattering with my mom, sister, and nephews Brandon and Wes.

Unfiltered Michigan beauty.
 

We headed back to The Ranch, where we toured the property, saw more elk and deer, and I said more inappropriate things by accident. At least I learned to keep my mouth shut while people talk about beavers.

The downside to staying at this luxury location was my daughter, who was both tired and sick, decided she would channel a demon. I know she is only 3, and we all know 3 year olds are like earthquakes, leaving devastation and tears in their wakes, but I know she CAN be a really good girl. Apparently she didn't want anyone to know that about her, so she refused to eat, she made high pitched barking noises, wouldn't keep her feet off the table, and had a threenager attitude.

My sister and her family were classy, loving, and gracious to us despite my little terror. They taught my kids how to fish, took them on tractor rides, played with bubbles, colored pictures together, and were just wonderful people to be around.

Auntie Stacy teaching Ketcher how to fish.
My Dad would have been so proud.

They really got into looking at the bugs living
under the dock.

Ketcher going for a tractor ride with Uncle Anthony.

Kenzie's turn!

This trip has shown me that the huge void my Dad left in my heart is filled by this family that I have been so distant from since I moved away.

My niece, Alayna, who is equally as goofy as she is beautiful.
My nephew, Wes & his fiancé Ashley, who are complete opposites in nearly every way, except they are both old souls that probably knew each other long before this life.
My nephew, Brandon, who grew into such a compassionate gentleman. I just wanted to kidnap him and bring him back to Colorado with us. Kenzie put up the picture he colored for her in her bedroom to remember him... since she couldn't seem to remember his name in person.
My brother-in-law, Anthony, rough around the edges, but made sure to give my kids the full ranch experience. I know he will be the one to teach them why their Papa loved the outdoors.

George Washington hair compliments of Alayna!

Most of all my sister who is more like my Dad than I think she even knows. She's compassionate, loving, great with kids, hilarious, unselfish, and gave me the most incredible way to remember my dad... by spending time with her and her amazing family.

She also, hand sewed this pillow from one of my Dad's favorite shirts for me.

Thank you Best family, I am beyond grateful to have you in my life. Dad lives on through every one of you.

Just thought this pic was funny.

Facing My Thoughts

 

The house is quiet. So eerily quiet I question if I haven't gone completely deaf. My dogs are sleeping near the windows in the living room. My kids sleep in their rooms upstairs. I am sitting on the couch feeling the sun warm up the room. It's 2pm. My work is done for the moment and I am left with my thoughts.

I have been avoiding my thoughts. Keeping busy creating activities for the kids, finding new recipes, unpacking the new house, dealing with sick kids, staying caught up with work just so I won't need to think. I guess I am worried at what I might feel when it is quiet. Sadness that I lost my Dad? Worried that we have to move again in less than a year? Nervous that my entire life is completely changing?

The answers are complicated, but ultimately I am okay. There is no doubt that my dad was taken WAY too soon for my liking, but he didn't suffer even a moment. Did you know that he had just finished an ice cream bar? He said "That was good." Isn't that how we all want to go?  His food choices and smoking habits could have ended his life with years of suffering. It would have been so much more painful to witness his robust self withering away at the hands of diabetes, heart disease, or cancer.

He is good now. I know he is good because he is with me. I used to see him only a few times a year or when he would walk through while I was FaceTiming my mom. Now I feel him with me all the time, every moment of every day. I can hear him every time I order a coke and they say "We only have Pepsi." He says "I guess I'll survive." I can see him covering his mouth and giggling when my mom finds stacks of brand new clothes buried beneath his favorite holy tee-shirts he continued to wear. I am sure Dan is channeling him when he refuses to buy gas at a station 3 cents more than the one 30 minutes away. I can still feel him rooting for the lions and then shaking his head when they play just like they always did.

I know he is with my kids too because they bring up "papa in the hat" at random times throughout the day. They haven't seen him in person in months, but they say they miss "papa in the hat" and that he is having lunch with friends. I can see him whenever Ketcher wears his lions sweatshirt, or hat.

On Halloween this year, you can bet he is going to be haunting the lady that threatened to sue him when he wore the gorilla suit and scared the living shit out of her years ago.

Maybe I don't need to avoid my thoughts completely. When I tune them in they really do bring me joy and laughter.

I am still worried about our next move. I am still trying to steady myself. I am still avoiding long silences, but I am not sad. I am living and he is right there along side me giving me strength and telling me to stop wearing jeans with holes in them.

Got it Dad! Maybe I will...

I will get back to parenting and humor as soon as I can, as always thank you for reading!

In Loving Memory of My Dad

11 days ago I was flying home to spend time with my family. I had no idea I would only be granted a few hours with my Dad before he passed away.

If you were lucky enough to know him, you can imagine the pain I might be feeling right now. It feels endless.


However, if he could communicate with me right now he would be making jokes about finally getting to play poker with Wild Bill Hickok.

That doesn't look like a poker face.

I have pasted my memorial speech below.  I hope you enjoy reading it and please smile and remember all of the joy he brought to our lives.

***

In loving memory of my dad, whose essence can’t be described in a 500 character obituary.

My dad didn’t want a funeral. He would never want us to stand around crying for his loss.  This is a celebration of his life. Tonight we will tell stories and jokes and not be afraid to laugh. We will live exactly as he wished: With compassion in our hearts and a smile on our faces, bringing joy and light to everyone here tonight.

I hope that sharing my own stories of my dad will make you remember, make you laugh, and encourage you to share your own stories.

He was a simple man that loved family, hunting, poker, the Detroit Lions and of course fishing. Going through hundreds of pictures no matter how big or small the fish was, he still had the same gigantic smile on his face with every catch.  

Every year, while my friends went to the beach, or Disney World, or skiing for spring break, he and I would pack up for a week of camping and fishing. He would tell amazing stories and have all of us kids believing in Sasquatch and the magic of our Sasquatch sticks that we had created that day out of tree branches. His ghost stories were so scary that a 12 year old could wet their pants. (Don't ask how I know that.) We would hike around the rivers and through the forests. Once I slipped and fell into a giant mud puddle.

Immediately he halted our crew and said: “Amanda, are you okay?”

I said (through gritted teeth): “yes.”

Then he said: “Okay everyone, you can go ahead and laugh now.” Everyone burst out laughing.

Each one of us can stand here and tell a story about how he made us laugh. When I was in elementary school we were asked to talk about what our Dad’s did for a living.

I said “My dad is a comedian.”

My teacher said “I don’t think that’s right, can you explain what he does?”

I said “He sits on a stool and makes jokes into a microphone.”

At the time I didn’t realize the difference between “comedian” and “committee man” at GM but either way I think we all can agree he was always making us laugh.

I can’t think of anyone that would make a better Santa Claus than my dad. When he would put on that suit he became the real Santa Claus. Giving out gifts and laughs to all of the children and adults every year on Christmas Eve. When the children were grown he and my mom would still play Santa by paying mortgages, delivering cookies, and visiting with family and friends.  In my mind he was the real Santa Claus…. Unless he had on a Grinch mask, in which case, don’t even try messing with his bag of candy.

Photo credit: Havasunews
Shockingly there are a bunch of photos of the Grinch
getting arrested so I guess he's not the only one. 

He wasn’t much of a talker, but he would sit on the end of my bed as I played with my toys and just listen to the ramblings of a little girl. He was always there, ready to give me a hug whenever I did or didn’t need it.

In 7^th grade I tried out for cheerleading. I’m sure my parents were dreading tryouts watching their uncoordinated, 11 year old in crooked glasses, practicing for the big day. When that day arrived and my name was not called, my dad drove me home as I cried. He said no words, and just simply handed me a roll of life savers.

To say that my dad loved the Detroit Lions is an understatement. I doubt there was another person that ever rooted for them as wholeheartedly and loudly as my dad.

On my 16^th birthday he took me to my first and only lions game. He yelled so loud from the upper deck at the silver dome I was sure the coach and players could hear him. I’m also sure that’s one of the reasons I have to wear hearing aids today. I will never forget that trip or how often he yelled out to  Herman Moore, or that Greg Landry leaned on the ball one too many times.

That bottom pic is on my 16th birthday.
Clearly I was thrilled.

My dad was a big kid at heart and treated every child like his own. He would walk all of the kids in the neighborhood to school with me. He told cheesy dad jokes and growing up all of my friends would wish they had him as a dad. Even as adults at my bachelorette party he told my friends to call him when the night was over and he would drive them to the diner for breakfast and then home. Oddly enough… that’s exactly what they did. It wasn’t because one of them couldn’t drive, it was just because it was Tom and people just wanted to be around him.

Family always held a special place in his heart.

It didn’t matter if I lived in the same town or hundreds of miles away he would always answer the phone the same way:

 “Is this the person to who I am speaking to?”

38 years of marriage to my mom and it’s undeniable that they loved each other just as much as they always did.  He beamed with pride when he talked about his grand kids. My kids may be too young to remember him, but he will live on through my stories and memories. I will retell his jokes and sing his silly songs to them. He will never be forgotten and he will always bring laughter.  

I know if I ask him tonight: “Dad, are you okay? He would answer yes… you can go ahead and laugh now.”

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to share your memories here or on facebook. 

Dear Husband - Here is your survival guide

Dear Dan,

I have written up a few notes to help you while I am on my trip. Please read through them carefully. They are merely suggestions but they will make your days easier.

STARTING NOTES
Daily Rhythm:
Try to create a daily rhythm so the kids will know what to expect with you.  It doesn't have to follow my notes, but create one of your own and stick with it. This will make them feel more secure and have less tantrums.

Cell Phone Use:
If you need to use the phone to make a call or answer a call the only acceptable times are during quiet time or after bedtime. If you disregard this warning the following WILL happen:
1. Instant ear-piercing screams from a 3 year old. Your phone may shatter and your ears will be left bleeding.
2. The 2 year old will remove his pants and attempt to poop. If you are luckily it will be on the bathroom floor, if it is a normal day it will be on the carpet.
*Note: The more important the call, the louder the screaming & runny the poop will be. See graph below:


Lessons:
Kenzie's reading lesson should be done in the morning or at the latest, after quiet time. It takes 10-15 minutes. Do not do more than one lesson per day. DO NOT GET FRUSTRATED, DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR PHONE. This is uninterrupted one on one time. Do not say out loud "you suck at this" or any other negative statement you will may think during the lesson. Just keep powering through it. I promise at one point, during one of the lessons, you will be glad you were the first to hear her finally getting it.

I have created 5 boxes of activities for the kids. Use one box each day. The boxes will have craft supplies, activities, games, and other fun. Each pencil pouch has a different activity.

Leaving the House:
Should you HAVE to run an errand, only 1 errand per day is suitable. It should be done directly after a snack or meal and Kenzie MUST use the potty before exiting the house. If you forget this critical detail, she will HAVE to pee at the exact moment your cart is full of groceries and you are no where near a bathroom.

I have found that after making the quiet time smoothies is ideal for a short run to the grocery store. It eats up time before dinner, the grocery store isn't too busy yet, and the kids can bring their smoothies along which keeps their hands and mouths busy.

MEALS
Breakfast:
7:00am wake up time for all. Take dogs out immediately.
7:00-9:00am Breakfast
2 hours may seem excessive but this is the best time of day to stuff the kids full of food and enjoy some pleasurable time at the table talking, reading, drawing, laughing, and singing. The children will eat at both 7am and again at 8:45am. (It goes downhill after that...)

Possible food choices:
Fruit
Oatmeal
Bagels of any size but make sure you call them "green".
Bacon
Eggs
Cereal + Milk
Pizza
Mac N Cheese

Lunch:
11:00am
Possible food choices: (served with fruit)
PBJ
Grilled Cheese
Soup
Cream cheese roll ups

If snacks are given at any point, it is unlikely they will eat much for lunch or any other meal.

Dinner:
Please review the graph in the picture below. Left circle = foods Kenzie will eat, right circle = foods Ketcher will eat. The overlap are the foods that they both will eat.

OTHER
Quiet Time:
Between the hours of 1pm to 3pm (or 30 minutes ahead or behind this time), please use the upstairs to complete any calls, emails, napping, hobbies, TV watching or other nonsense.
Not being in compliance with this measure, i.e. using the living room for leisure will result in "jack-in-the-boxing".  Every 3-5 minutes the 3 year old will be coming out to talk to you about going to the bathroom, yelling at you for being too loud, or just telling you that she "hears things out here." By the end of quiet time you will feel both pissed off and robbed of a break.

Kenzie will need a water, snack, toy bin, and her songs on repeat. Also, please open the drapes and clear off space on her bed in case you get lucky and she falls asleep.

Ketcher will need a clean diaper, his shoes off, sound machine on, drapes closed, a snack, and water. He should be sleeping within 10 minutes, but if he isn't, he probably pooped, unless you answered or made a call earlier and then he should have gotten it out of his system.

After Quiet Time:
Wake Ketch up at 3:30 if he is still napping. Make kids smoothies:

1cup soy milk
1cup apple juice
1 small handful of spinach
1/4 of a zucchini or squash
lots of frozen strawberries
Always use the Thomas the Train and Paw Patrol cups for two reasons:
1. The smoothie eventually turns green as the spinach sits. These cups are not see-through.
2. Hell hath no wrath like a toddler not getting their correct cup.

Suitable activities: Beautiful walk outside (yes use those exact words), TV time, activity box, or scissor time. Use scissor books and pouch on the counter. Prepare to use the broom to sweep up 10,000 tiny triangles.

See!

Bath Time:
Baths can be given at any time. It should be noted that the children will make the bathroom their own water park, so please have extra towels at the ready and do not run.

I won't even get into washing the kids hair without making them cry. It will be impossible. Good luck to you.

Bed Time: 
The greatest time of day. The lights should be off and doors closed NO LATER than 7pm. If needed an earlier bedtime works, just use this method:
1. Feed the kiddos their cup of vitamins - Ketch gets 3, Kenz gets 4.
2. PJs
3. Floss and brush talking about how delicious the flavor is for each. The alphabet should be sung while brushing.
4. Snuggle time in Kenzie's bed. Have her pick 3-4 books and snuggle in with one child on each side. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PUT THEM NEXT TO EACH OTHER!
5. By book 3 Kenzie should be getting really sleepy. Lights off and time to take Ketcher to bed.
6. Read to Ketcher. He may play with his toys while you read, but do it anyway. When you are tired wrap it up and turn off the light. Sound machine on, lady bug on, 25 kisses, 12 "one more hug", a chat with Mickey Mouse, and one last giggle.

Finally... ahhhh!

Done! Congratulate yourself on keeping the kids alive because that's really all that matters at the end of the day. Treat yourself to some ice cream and HBO. Make a battle game plan for the following day. The more prepared and predictable you make it, the smoother it will go.

Before you go to bed:
Kenzie needs to use the potty.
Check on Ketcher. He has been putting toys, sippy cups, and other items into his PJs before he falls asleep. If those items are not removed, he will wake up crying. Also, make sure his water is still on his bed, this will ensure a full nights sleep for you... because you are going to need it.

Love,
Amanda

How to have a clean house with kids.

A messy house is all relative to the person that sees it. I can't be content when the house is messy, which means I was rarely content moving from room to room cleaning up after my 2 year old and 3 year old.

It all changed when I decided to implement a routine, or rhythm, to our day to include both kids helping to keep the house clean. 

I know you are shaking your heads... they are too small to be of any real help... however that's not true at all. My 3 year old is awesome at rinsing dishes and wiping counters. My 2 year old is great at putting things in the garbage, even if they don't belong there, and putting toys back into the appropriate room. 

Let's begin by establishing some routines around the messy times of day:

Meal time:

Any time you are in the kitchen prepping food, the kids should be helping in some way. Even very small children can help by:

• Rinsing fruits and veggies
• Setting out place mats, napkins, silverware, cups, etc.
• Wiping counters
• Sorting the clean silverware into the organizer.

You might need to change the location of some of your kitchen supplies, but doing so will help your children feel important and with enough practice, they will do this automatically for each meal.

After the meal is over, kids should be helping to clean up. 

• Rinsing utensils, plates, bowls, cups, etc.
• Wiping tables, counters, appliances, etc.
• Sweeping the floor. 
• Putting dirty napkins and towels into the dirty laundry. 

Keeping your kids busy doing kitchen tasks frees you up to load the dishwasher, attend to the bigger pots and pans, and get things back in order for the next meal.

Having your kids participate in mealtimes make kids both responsible and a functional part of a family. They feel needed and that is very important for every family member, no matter how young. Having a clean kitchen/dinning room area after each meal will make you feel accomplished too. 

Bath time:

Who says you have to hover over your kids while they are in the bath? Frankly, I find bath time pretty boring. This is the perfect time to wipe down the counters, clean the toilets, sweep the floor, or clean the mirror. Just make sure your supplies are already in the bathroom before you begin. 

Kids also need to help out. Put a squirt of dish soap in the tub when you are filling it and let the bubbles flow. Give them some sponges and scrub brushes and show them the soap scum line around the tub. They will have fun and your tub will be clean! 

I have limited our bath toys to only one basket full (it used to be 5!) and an array of bottles, scrub brushes, and sponges. They come up with all kinds of crazy scenarios while they are "cleaning" and they have way more fun than fighting over a toy duck. Try it!

Play time:

We don't have the luxury of having a playroom at the house, so the toys are limited to their bedrooms. There are no toys kept anywhere else in the house. Obviously the kids will drag and drop toys all over every room of the house, but when it's clean up time, EVERYTHING goes back into their bedrooms. 

This is the most difficult time to clean up after. Each toy they try to put away is like a new toy all over again. Use these tricks when it comes to keeping them on task:

• Clean up time should happen before naps and before bed. That way you can actually sit back and enjoy it before another toy explosion happens again.
• Never repeat an instruction. Say it once: "Put your fire truck away." If they don't do it - which they won't - start instructing them in how to do it. "Walk over to the fire truck. Yes, now bend over and pick it. Good, now walk it into your room." This is shockingly helpful. It's like they know what you want, but don't know how to do it. Or if your kids are older, they will probably not want you to talk to them like they are 3 years old. I don't know... report back.
• Clean up song. Pick a song that you all like and play it every time you want to clean up all the toys. It will be a fun way to enjoy that time together. However eventually you will need to change it because they will probably start to dread hearing that song.
• When you are done cleaning up smile at your kids and tell them how great the house looks. They should feel proud that they have helped to make it look so nice. 

The other stuff:

Laundry - I have to include this because none of us are immune to the dreaded laundry. Having kids means 1-2 loads a day to stay on top of everything. 

Very young kids can help match socks, fold wash cloths, hand towels, or napkins. They can put clothes away in drawers and they can sort lights and darks. Have them help, but if you start getting frustrated change activities. I have tried to let my 3 year old fold hand towels and I just can't do it. (Why can't she match the corners?!)  So I keep trying every few months and eventually she will get it. 

Outdoor play - As a person that hates messes, I really can't stand dirt and sand all over the house. We have outdoor toys that are not allowed in the house. We "park" the bikes in the "garage" when we are done playing with them, which is just a designated space outside.

This will take a lot more time out of your day, but having a good routine worked into cleaning that includes your children will make you a whole lot happier and it will groom your kids to be self sufficient one day and proud of accomplishing the little things.

Make no mistake... there are days I just can't find the energy to do any cleaning. There are days that the kids are helping prep dinner and I am pouring a glass of wine to ease the stress from the day. This is just a guideline to help you get some control over your house again. Do what feels right, but know that the more consistent you are, the less you have to do. Eventually your kids will know what they are supposed to do and they will do it with just a little guidance from you.

More to follow. I highly recommend Simplicity Parenting which is a wonderful guide for creating a less anxious, stress-free lifestyle. 

No Stress Mealtime

Unless your thing is being the health nut mama, you probably dread mealtimes.

The books say "...love should pour into your cooking so your children will be filled up with bliss and contentment. Each whole food is a gift your child will cherish. Sugar is poison so if you give it to your kids someone should call social services on you..." I was paraphrasing but you get the idea.

So there is more time for brushing the kids hair.

First of all STOP stressing about meal planning. Set yourself up with a simple weekly plan. Let's begin with the dreaded dinners:

Mondays: Pasta Night

Options: Mac N Cheese, Spaghetti, Alfredo, Lasagna, Manicotti, Pancetta Orchette, Pesto, etc.

The options are endless. Have the kids pick out their favorite noodles at the store. My kids love mini bowties and wheels.

Tuesdays: Mexican Fiesta Night

Options: Tacos, Enchiladas, Mexican Pizza, Loaded Nachos, Fajitas, Tostadas, etc.

The great part about this night is you can use the same ingredients with nearly every recipe:

Refried beans, taco meat, lettuce, torillas, cheese, tomatoes and sour cream.

Wednesdays: Soup Night

Options: Clam Chowder, Chicken Noodle, Tomato, Lobster Bisque, Chicken Tortilla, Veggie, Bean, etc.

Make it as fancy as you want. Add some salad and crusty bread and you have a complete meal.

Thursday: Make Your Own Pizza

Options: Make your own dough or buy the small pre-made ones. The toppings are endless.

We call it "Pie Night" with "messy sauce" (pizza sauce) and "sprinkles" (mozzarella). It is a win with everyone in the family.

Friday: Leftovers

Doesn't matter what day of the week you have leftover night, but make a night of it or food will go to waste.

Saturday: Stir-Fry

Options: PF Changs frozen meals, Chicken Fried Rice, Beef & Broccoli, Schezuan Chicken, or take-out!

Stir-fry is quick and tasty. Throw in all those veggies that are about to go bad and some soy sauce. You can't go wrong.

Sunday: Traditional

Options: Corned beef & cabbage, Pot Roast, Pork Loin, Steaks, BBQ Chicken, etc.

A big meal on sunday with a main dish and sides will at least ensure some leftovers for lunch options during the week. 

Kids love to know what to expect, especially picky eaters. The unknown, even if you know they will love it, is poison to them.  

This meal may not be a nutritional power house,
but it was put together in 3 minutes and there
were no tears from the kids (or me).

So what do you tell your kids when they ask "What's for dinner?"

Kids: I'm hungry.

Me: I'm about to make dinner.

Kids: What, no! I want oatmeal!

Me: Nope, it's Monday - Pasta Night. Do you want to pick the pasta shape and help me cook it? 

Kids: Uh... sure! (Yes a 2 or a 3 year old is a little easier to please with this phrasing than a 12 year old.)

Let's not stop at dinner. I said I was going to help you and I will!

Lunch is another tricky plan. I have to have something the kids can grab and eat because they can't seem to sit still when the sun is directly overhead. The lunch rotation is a little more repetitive, but it is also the meal that the kids neglect the most.

Mondays: PBJ

To make it interesting cut it into shapes... use cookie cutters or scissors.

Tuesdays: Roll-ups

Tortilla or wrap, + veggie cream cheese or hummus, + an option below

Options: Veggie burger, deli meat, veggies, lettuce, spinach, anything else you can think of 

Note: Keep it somewhat thin and spread the cream cheese or hummus over the whole tortilla to get it to stick together. A toddler will probably just like the tortilla + cream cheese.

Wednesdays: Grilled Cheese

Make it extra delicious by spreading pesto on the bread and adding thinly sliced tomatoes

Thursday: Fruit, Cracker, Cheese, & Veggie Tray

Friday-Sunday: Repeat above

I always give a veggie cup and fruit cup with lunch. Usually they will eat half a sandwich and ask for more fruit repeatedly.

Snacks: Keep it simple

Raw Veggies

Fruit

Cheese Sticks

Yogurt

Fruit Pouches

Protein Bars

Veggie Straws

Pretzels

Goldfish crackers

Breakfast for us is our biggest meal of the day and one that we all eat together, even when Daddy only has 10 minutes to spend with us before heading to work. Our meal plan might be a little over the top for families that have to leave very early in the morning. However... DO NOT under estimate the power of eggs. They cook SUPER fast and they are healthy and kids love them. 

We have a big breakfast every morning: Bacon, eggs, oatmeal, bagels, and fruit. 

We have this so dialed in that Kenzie (3 years old) cooks the eggs, Ketcher (2 years old) sets the table, while I make the rest and we have breakfast on the table within 10 minutes or less every morning. I load their plates with a little of everything and they decide what they want more of. 

On the weekend we try and do a pancake breakfast one morning, or some cinnamon rolls for a treat. 

Need variety? The options for eggs are endless... google it. Instead of bacon use sausage, or ham. Add some veggies to the eggs and make omelets. Do whatever you are in the mood for, just keep it simple.

Apple sauce is always a favorite, as long as
it's always served in this exact pouch.
No substitutions FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

I hope I have given you plenty of food for thought... ha ha... okay that was cheesy... I just can't help myself.

Stay tuned for the next segment in simplifying your life. 

Spirited youngster at home? Read this now.

My happy thoughts... there they are!  

After struggling these past 2 years with 2 very young children, I finally cracked the code. It's time I passed the secrets on so you can make happier moments with your kids every day.

First off, read this book: Simplicity Parenting. It has changed my life and has made an outstanding impact on the way I parent and the level of calm in my "spirited" preschooler.

If you have a "spirited" child, you are probably periodically combing the internet for something helpful to make you feel like you have some control without squashing their independence - or you have resorted to using Harry Potter spells as your kids tear through the room holding your breakables - "EXPELLIARMUS!"

If that sounds like you, the part about looking for help, then I am about to deliver a lot of information. The issue is, there is too much info for one post. I am breaking them up in manageable chunks over the next few weeks. 

Before that begins, let me tell you that you aren't alone. This quest all started with my anxious child...

Kenzie, my darling out-of-control spirited 3 year old, has been pushing testing us nearly every minute of every day and leaving us completely exhausted since she was 18 months. Some of that was because Ketcher was born 10 days before she turned 18 months, and it was truly not fair. However, she was already a wild child before baby brother, and we had no idea how "in for it" we were. 

On the outside she is an energetic, outgoing, happy little girl that loves holding hands, making friends, and doing anything that takes massive coordination. Turns out she's a very anxious child.  Her tantrums were epic... seriously ear piercing, heart wrenching, on the brink of insanity epic and they would last forever. There was no book that helped, and trust me... I have read them all. 

When she turned 3 things did calm down. At first I thought it was the age, but it was the routine I started when we added school time into our day. It was nothing more than an hour of drawing or reading or doing whatever else from our school toys box. That gave our day structure and it gave her something to expect and look forward to. 

As the months went on, our school time changed to play dates and gymnastics, ice skating and cooking class. We lost the structure and repetition and she lost her feelings of safety and fell right back into the anxiety that caused so much stress last year.

I found the book Simplicity Parenting and began the concepts immediately about 2-3 months ago. I can honestly say this has been the best summer since becoming a parent. We are having fun. My house is clean. My kids are calm and content. My 3 year old ate green beans... (so you KNOW it works!)

In the next few weeks, I will help you to find happiness in the worst times of the day:

• Mealtimes - One dinner, every night. End the picky eating. Stop the "I don't want it!" 
• Cleaning - Your house can be clean with two small children, imagine that!
• Calming - Help stop the sibling squabbles and the tantrums before they start.
• Teaching - Easy ways to teach your littles every day.
• Diminishing Screens - Routines leave very little time for watching TV.
• Bedtime - We don't have bedtime issues and you don't have to have them either.

Where should we start? 

Before I go into detail on the list above, I suggest doing these things first:

• Clean out the kids rooms. The more clutter, the more difficult it is for a child to think clearly and focus.
• Go through the toys and toss the broken, sell or donate the age inappropriate, and box up the rest. (you still have crib toys but your youngest is 8... uh huh)
• Use the quiet time box rotation system. 
• Ditch the toys that the kids don't like, or you don't like (that farm Elmo with no off switch has GOT to go!)
• Lose the super ridiculously flavored snacks. 
• Your kids are never going to like chicken soup if they have super-bold, blast-your-face-off, extra-crunchy Doritos at their disposal. 
• It takes about a month to cleanse the palate from all that junk, so get started now.
• Even if they can get that junk at a friends house, it shouldn't be available in yours.
• Start thinking about a routine.
• Are there meals you can eat together? Maybe it's just one parent, but it will make an impact. 
• Is there time in the schedule for uninterrupted playing? 
• Is bedtime consistent? What about bath time? Lunch time? Snacks? Naps?

I will get working on the rest of the posts. What are your worst times of the day? 

My Moment of Terror

It may sound dramatic, but I honestly thought it was over. These were the last minutes we would ever get to spend together here on earth. I had never been so terrified in my life.

............ 6 Hours to Landing................

Belize was beautiful; tropical, hot and sunny, everything you would want in a beach vacation. We woke up early and went to sleep early, enjoying every slice of sunshine we didn't have at home in the month of May.
The travel to get to and from Belize should not be taken lightly, primarily if you are traveling with kids. The departure home started with a 10 minute boat ride to another part of the island.

Taken on the way to our resort in Belize.

A shuttle picked us up and drove another 5 minutes to the airport which was a one room building. Our boarding passes looked like plastic book marks, the kind I would bring home every summer for "Book It" in hopes to win a class pizza party.



One of the airports. Yes it is simply that building in the distance.

The planes held no more than 10 people. They were sweltering hot and had a tiny isle with one seat on each side. These were propeller planes, not jets. After the doors shut it was like an oven. Luckily the skilled pilot would be ready for take off immediately.

The plane ride back to the mainland is about 20 minutes. If you have never been on a tiny plane and have any fear of flying, make sure you are right behind the pilot. It feels much steadier and on some level it's pretty cool to watch someone fly a plane... until you see the airplane manual in the pocket of the door, next to the pilot, and you start to sweat from nerves.

...................... 3.5 Hours to Landing......................

After the landing, it's a 2 hour flight from Belize to Houston. The trouble began as soon as we touched down in Houston. The international terminals didn't have a spot for our plane so we sat there for another 30 minutes waiting for a spot to open up. We started to question if we would make our connection to Denver.

Eventually we exited and headed for customs. Kenzie's customs ticket was flagged so we were sent to the officers. Eventually we made it to the luggage pickup, through customs, back to recheck our luggage and then corralled back through the main security, where I forgot I had a Coke in my bag, and they spent another 10 minutes making sure it wasn't a bomb.

Somehow we made it to our gate before boarding.

 

.................. 2.5 Hours to Landing.........................

We ate Wendy's nuggets and fries (dinner of champions, and people running to their gates at the airport) as people boarded, which I regretted 20 minutes later at take-off. It was a full flight. We were seated right in front of the exit row in the middle of the plane. I was sitting in the window seat, Dan had the isle, with Kenzie between us holding her small stuffed Mickey Mouse.



Taken on the way to Belize in the tiny plane.
Mickey has become her security toy.

The kids were in their PJs so they could sleep, since it was past their bedtime. Dan held Ketcher on his lap. Ketch was wearing his light blue Calvin Klein jammys.


Taken a few months ago.

The plane started its take-off as I absentmindedly cleaned off our hands and faces from dinner. As it picked up speed there was a BANG and a flash of light directly outside my window. I grabbed Dan's arm and said "WHAT WAS THAT?!!" Then the cabin filled with a burning smell and I was sure the engine beneath my window was on fire.

It was a moment of complete and utter terror. It was like the air was completely sucked out of my lungs, I thought these were the last minutes of our lives. I reached for Dan; my rock. When I am anxious, he is my calm. But he looked at me wide-eyed and I jolted my body against Kenzie to protect her from whatever was coming. I was absolutely sure this was it and a moment later we would all be killed by the engine exploding. Yet, nothing came and eventually my shaking stopped.

The flight attendants came over the PA and said "You might have heard a bang and smelled aburning smell. The pilots will let us know what's going on momentarily."

But the plane was in route at this point... how do they not know what is going on?!!

I shook until my teeth were sore from chattering. I waited on pins and needles for them to tell us it was fine. Eventually as the 2.5 hour flight progressed we fell into our normal flight routine of watching movies and eating snacks.

After at least 90 minutes in the air, a pilot came out and walked down the isle holding an ipad. He paused at our row to tell the people in the exit rows behind us to clear out for a few minutes while he tried to inspect the tires.

The pilot had the airplane flight manual up on his ipad.

At 30 minutes before our descent into Denver airport, the pilot said: "Well folks, we think we blew a tire, so here is what is going to happen. We can't tell if it's one tire or both on the right side of the plane. Our side of the plane. The manual says the plane can land with one tire so we should be fine. However, we are going to prepare for the worst case scenario and assume that we have no tired on that side. The flight attendents will be coming through the cabin to explain what you need to do to prepare for this landing. We will be circling the airport for 30 minutes trying to burn off some of this fuel. But we really are 99% sure it was only one tire."

The flight attendants showed us how to prepare for a crash landing:
Adults feet flat on the floor.
Wrists crossed on the top of the seat in front of you.
Head down between your arms.
Kids tuck their hands under their legs.
Head down on their lap.
Babies are held by a parent who has to shield them with their body.

........................ 5 Minutes to Landing.....................

Pilot: "At one minute before landing the flight attendants will tell you to put your head down. Remain in this position until we are at a complete stop. Fire trucks will be standing by."

Passengers: Looking through the safety info in their seat back pockets. Wishing they had paid attention at least once to a flight attendant. Worried eyes shifting to the windows over the wings on the right side. Everyone saying their own prayers to have us land safely.

Our kids: Kenzie being prodded awake and then crying about how tight her seatbelt was. Ketcher, so over tired he was beyond hyper and would not sit, stand or be still for one second. Playing on the floor like he was having a blast.

.................... 1 Minute to Landing ..............................

Instead of using the PA system, the flight attendants started chanting "Head down now! Head down now! Head down now! Head down now!"

It was eerie. Very eerie. It was the only sound until the screaming started.

We were getting closer to the ground. Dan was trying to hold Ketcher on his lap. He started screaming and crying.

I was pushing Kenzie's head down because she refused. She started screaming and crying. Finally I put my head down on her lap with her and held her saying "It's okay, Mommy's here." Repeatedly. She continued to cry, probably sensing the collective nervous desperation of the passengers. I was so busy trying to calm her that I barely noticed that we had landed perfectly normal.

..................... Landed........................

We all applauded the landing. The fire trucks were there in an instant checking out the tires. The pilot came over the PA one last time and said "Well if you can believe it, they didn't see anything wrong with any of the tires. So we are going to taxi in normally and get you all off the plane."

Everyone clapped again as we finally stopped and could unbuckle. We exited the plane, got our baggage and went home, because life goes on.

.......................After Thoughts...........................

I really thought in those moments, with the burning smell filling my nose, that it was over. There were no flashbacks, no time standing still, it was just a realization that this was it. Thankfully it wasn't. It makes you think though. It makes you realize what you want in your life, for me, I want to be a Mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I want to be grateful for every moment that's tender or chaotic. I want to enjoy time, because that is the only thing that is truly precious and completely out of our control.

Mother's Day 2016.
So glad we are right here, right now.

Have you had a moment of terror? What were your thoughts? Did anything in your life change after that moment? Please share! Thank you for reading!

Screen Time Fast: How we got here, and what it has done.

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears, and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call ... The Screen Fast Zone.

Okay that was a little dramatic, but in today's society screens are everything, so this feels like another dimension.

I am no expert on parenting, in fact, I make a LOT of mistakes. I am an expert on owning those mistakes and making them right. My biggest mistake, that I am trying to correct, is too much screen time.

Before I was pregnant with my youngest, I was sure that my kids would not be exposed to screen time until they were 2 years old... as recommended by the academy of pediatrics. However, with 1st trimester fatigue (of a second pregnancy, when it feels like a truck has driven over you and left you for dead), I decided my high spirited oldest needed some form of entertainment.

I started out with one episode of Sesame Street a few times a week, but slowly, and over time, she started watching one episode daily. After little man was born, it was a free for all. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Word World, Sesame Street, and Leap Frog. I would rationalize that they were educational shows. Although she did learn a surprising amount of stuff, it wasn't worth the side effects.

I vaguely noticed that she was addicted. Asking for TV almost constantly but it was the background noise in a very noisy stream of repetitive 2 and 3 year old speak.

I truly didn't realize how damaging the TV was until we have now gone a week without it.

Here is my diary of progress...

Screen Fast Day 1 (Wednesday): It's moderately warm out and I am taking advantage of it. The first thing the kids said to me this morning was "Can I watch TV?" Seriously? Parenting fail. I said "No" and 3 year old broke down and cried. This continued on and off until 10am when it was warm enough to go out for a walk. After the playground, when we got home, it started again. I will not give in...

She's not thinking about screen time here.

After quiet time we walked to the post office, which everyone enjoyed. With all of this outdoor time, we don't need TV at all. The kids still asked for TV constantly at home, but I held out. I can do this.

Bedtime is a mad house. The kids were bouncing off the walls and I questioned if they would ever fall asleep. Eventually they passed out. How can they be so nuts after so many hours of running around? I passed out shortly after working three hours and picking up the house.

Screen Fast Day 2 (Thursday): At breakfast, they started in again with asking for TV. No tears this time though so that's progress.

I didn't get up early enough today to take a shower before the kids were up. I used to turn on a show for them. Today I decided to put them in their rooms and let them each listen to a read-along book. I will be using this method from now on. They weren't even interested in coming out when I open their doors after 15 minutes.

Another day at the playground, and then a walk to the post office after quiet time. I guess not having mailboxes here has it's advantages. There is a snow storm heading our way, I am hoping it misses us, but I am certain I won't be that lucky.

A few photos of the fun at the playground, and one
of them looking through a book together.

At the playground the kids played together. This is strange and wonderful and I didn't have to run in two different directions for 2 hours. It started sleeting so we left. We spent the rest of the day cleaning out Kenzie's closet. TV comes up at least once an hour, but I tune out their requests.

Bedtime was still crazy but Kenzie seemed to settle down a little quicker tonight. Ketch played in his room for a while. Apparently he figured out how to turn on the light so I had to remedy that.

Screen Fast Day 3 (Friday):  Playground again. Thank God the elementary is out for Spring Break this week. I'm not sure I would survive.  It was a Mom playdate morning and everyone came back to my house when it started to snow.  Kenzie broke down and tantrummed when one of the kids was playing a preschool app on their mom's phone. That was the worst tantrum over media so far. Eventually she stopped and played with her friends.

They went a little crazy with so many people in the house. Screaming, running around, jumping, playing... you know, just being kids. I let it happen and it was all good. The other Moms were cool about it. Thank God for other parents, right?

Bedtime was easier. The kids were pretty tired from a full day of fun.

Screen Fast Day 4 (Saturday): Kenzie has changed the most from this screen fast. She actually dressed up in a fairy costume, for the first time in months. Our little fairy then worked a puzzle, which was the first one in months. She has also been singing and humming to herself which is so precious.

I can be so sweet when I am not asking for TV
every 11 seconds.

Our first time eating lunch out of the house was today. Our go-to is a movie so we can sit and eat in peace. It was tough to hold out, but we didn't give in and that was a total win. Kenzie got up and walked around a little, but there was really no one in the area we were and we just let her go. Everyone survived and stayed in good spirits.

It is too cold to hang out outside but we did go to the pet store up here, since there is little else for entertainment.

Screen Fast Day 5 (Sunday): The day is going great. Kenzie asked for TV once and then said "We were watching too much TV weren't we?" They played with a tape measure for a good hour chasing each other around the house with it. It was noisy but good fun.

We attempted a walk, but the snow was up to Ketcher's waste and he wasn't having it.

I know guy, I'm not happy about this either.

We went to our favorite pizza place for dinner which has TVs on nearly every wall. While the kids sort of watched some of the sports, mostly they played with the crayon sets, and painting books I brought.

Bedtime was quick.

Screen Fast Day 6 (Monday): No requests for media what-so-ever. We had a busy morning running errands and Kenzie had a cooking class. That night the kids played together, taking turns pushing each other in a basket, around the house. It was fantastic.

Bedtime was easy tonight after I let the kids say good night to each other. Neither of them wanted to separate and go to their own rooms. It was sweet. Kenzie actually fell asleep within a few minutes of me exiting the room. Ketcher took an extra long nap today, so he took a little longer. There were no bedtime tears though and he mostly just sat in bed and looked at books until he fell asleep.

Screen Fast Day 7 (Tuesday): No requests for TV again. The kids are playing together like best friends. There is still the occasional squabble over a toy, but they are enjoying each others company. Exactly what I wanted with two kids so close in age. Better yet, they aren't coming to me for entertainment like they used to. Also, I can't remember the last time they had a random crazy tantrum over nothing. Oh wait... there's one.

Okay so it's not all sunshine and rainbows, it's reality. They are still 2 years old and 3 years old. They have shown a lot more self control, less emotional melt downs, and less repetitive asking for TV. The very biggest change has been their ability to entertain each other. Unless they are hungry or really want me to see something they have created, they are more than happy to play alone or with each other. That makes me happy.

Good luck to all who enter the screen fast zone, may your lives never be the same again.

For additional reading and the science beyond the screen time fast please read Reset Your Child's Brain by Victoria Dunkley. The book states that interactive screen time is much more damaging to kids... this means everything from video games to preschool apps or simple screen puzzles.