The Worst Mother's Day Ever

The clock shows 4:00am, but I'm not tired. For the last hour, I have been having flashbacks from last year's Mother's Day. It was spent in a hospital listening to my son scream while they attempted to place an IV. Five times they tried. Five. One whole hand. It was how old he was turning in less than a week.

Mother's Day in the ER at
Seattle Children's 2019.

I remember Ketcher's skin was burning and swelling. I remember that morning having to cut his little cotton Paw Patrol pajama T-shirt off of him because it was hurting his skin. I remember sleeping at the end of his hospital bed that night, not being able to touch him because he was in so much pain, but wanting to be right there in case he woke up and was scared. I remember crying because I couldn't hug him and that's all a mom wants to do when her kids are sick and scared. 

It started on a Thursday, he was playing in the dirt outside our apartment in Seattle. That night he looked like he had a little sunburn on his neck, even though I knew I put sunblock on him. On Friday his face and neck looked like a normal sunburn.  On Saturday I took him to Seattle Children's Hospital because he started looking sunburnt in places that had not been exposed to the sun. They sent us home thinking it was an allergic reaction to the lotion. 

On Sunday, Mother's Day, his face was swollen and red. Pus came out of his eyes instead of tears. His clothes were hurting him. I couldn't pick him up, or pull his shirt over his head, or hug him. All four of us arrived at the hospital together not realizing we were going to spend the whole day in a cramped ER room waiting for a diagnosis. 

The first time they tried placing the IV, I held him on my lap. He was screaming and I was instructed to hold his arms down. Pain shot through him every time his skin was touched and they were poking him over and over. "Mommy don't let them hurt me!" Tears ran down my face. I kept whispering "It's okay. It's okay." I choked down my sobs. "MOMMY MAKE THEM STOP HURTING ME!"

Those words will stay with me forever. I failed him that day. When they couldn't get the IV in I told Dan I couldn't be in there when they did a second attempt. I was not the strong stoic parent he needed. I was crying and that was probably adding to his fear. I took Kenzie and went to the waiting room so she could color while they tried again... and again... and again. 

I teach my kids that mistakes are great. Mistakes are how we learn and get better. I make a lot of mistakes as a parent, but not being there for him when he needed me will haunt me. Even though Ketch was 4 years old, he communicated very clearly. That day when he woke up, after they finally placed the IV, he asked  "Mommy I needed you, why weren't you there?"  

Passed out after multiple IV attempts.

That was a sucker punch to the gut and I deserved it. There was no good answer. All I could say was that I was sorry and I needed to take Kenzie out of the room while they tried again. That was true, but I should have been with him. 

He was quarantined after they gave the diagnosis of Staph Scalded Skin Syndrome. Kenzie was no longer allowed to be in the room. One parent would be home with her and the other parent would stay with Ketch. Dan and I would meet at the hospital room door, debrief, and then change shifts. 

Monday night he was improving but he couldn't sleep. His skin was still too painful to touch. Around midnight, after the nurse came to check on him, he was standing up at the edge of his bed, he looked at me through narrowed eyes. Seething anger radiated and with a sinister growl he said. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" 

I was shocked and frankly, scared. His mellow, happy-go-lucky temperament was completely stripped away leaving him raw and indignant. 

Quietly, with a shaky voice I said "This happened. No one did this "to" you. Sometimes things just happen." 

"YOU LET ME PLAY OUTSIDE. I WAS WITH YOU WHEN THIS HAPPENED!" 

Tears were pouring down my cheeks again. I hadn't slept in 30+ hours. How do you rationalize with a sleep-deprived 4-year-old? You don't. 

He saw my tears, heard a weak apology, and then he laid back down. "I'm just tired." He sighed. I spent the rest of that night terrified that our relationship had completely come apart at the seams. It was all my fault and he knew it.  

His skin started peeling as the burn went away.

The next morning I had a plan. A few weeks prior to this, I had just devoured the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk. (This book is absolutely outstanding if you are interested in psychology, PTSD, and trauma.) Psychological trauma from an illness or hospital stay is actually common. Children need to process trauma just like adults do in order to understand it and move forward. Ketch was too young to be able to understand these giant feelings he was having. He needed a professional to help him through this.  

Seattle Children's Hospital has child psychologists and counselors on call. When the morning nurse finished her checkup I followed her out to the hallway and told her we needed someone to come talk to my son.  I also told the doctor, the second nurse, and Dan who sent me home as soon he could that day. I am sure it was very clear that I was a complete mess.  It was Tuesday and I hadn't slept since Saturday night. 

That afternoon someone came and played with Ketcher. They gave him a stuffed bear and had him place his own IV. He was also feeling much better and we were scheduled to be released that night. When I came back up to the hospital after cleaning the apartment - instead of sleeping - he was back to his usual bubbly self. "Mommy the bear has an IV like me!!! See?! I'm not scared of it anymore!" 

Last day in the hospital.

He wasn't scared. He wasn't angry. I was relieved and elated! 

We had to pick up medicine at the hospital pharmacy before we went home. He was smiling and dancing around in his little Mickey Mouse bathrobe and slippers, pointing out all the animals painted in every hallway and corridor. I breathed a sigh of relief as we wound our way around the hospital. I needed some sleep but I needed something else more.  

After what felt like days, weeks, and months... I could hug him again.  I lifted him up and hugged him until he told me to stop. He was eager to keep looking for new animal murals. 

Today there will be no Mother's Day Brunch. There will be no meeting for drinks or laughing with friends. There will be no movie theater, mall, or bookstore. There will be no monitors beeping, or doctors poking. There will be no tears from fear, hospital room debriefing, or pain. We will be stuck inside, sheltered from the cold and COVID. 

This Mother's Day the four of us will be quarantined together. We are healthy, happy, and safe. 

Best of all, today I get to hug my babies all day.

This was taken a few days ago. He's a ham.

Thoughts from Quarantine Day 10

3-26-2020 a continuation from yesterday

8:30am I wanted to take a sweet video of the kids unloading the dishwasher. The video proved that siblings will argue about anything. Video link here.


9am Kenzie has started making a clicking sound with her tongue. It is pushing me toward the brink of madness. We dive into their daily binders so I can distract her from the clicking.

Here is a little snapshot of their work.  Every day they ask me to photograph every page. Every. Single. Page.

5 years old - grade K
Firefighter or Inigo Montoya?

7 years old - grade 1
"wewu" - the sound of a police car apparently

Kenzie starts working on word ladders and reading comprehension. This kid loves words. She loves them so much she uses them nonstop. There is never a time that she isn't speaking and spewing her love of words onto others. Such passion.

Ketcher takes this time to wander the house and open multiple sets of Legos onto the living room carpet. Once the sets have been spilled out, and the carpet sufficiently covered, he joins us at the table.

It's math time. Usually, I stagger math because I can't help both kids at once but Kenzie pulls out her worksheet (sent home on the last day of school) and says "This is easy!" and gets started. It is easy for 1.2 minutes and then I am going back and forth with each kid taking turns while the other one cries in waiting.

I am teaching Ketcher about tens and ones. He is not getting it. I ask what is 20 + 1, he stares at me blankly and says "Eleven?" I didn't sleep much last night and my patience is very thin today. I take a deep breath. I try to explain it louder because that makes total sense, right? Kenzie keeps jumping up and down behind us yelling "I CAN SHOW HIM! I CAN SHOW HIM! LET ME SHOW HIIIIIIM!" I am so annoyed by the jumping and yelling that I scream "SIT DOWN AND WORK ON YOUR OWN MATH!"

I regret yelling immediately and start thinking she could teach him better than I can. There's no going back now, so I keep plugging away and eventually, he finishes the problems in his notebook.

Now I have to help her. I read through the 1st-grade story problem. I don't understand what they are asking. Something about a graph and 2s. I tell her to just ignore the graph and answer the questions.

Ketcher is now asking me to play Legos with him. Over the past 5 days, we have been working on a giant temple from Ninjago. We are in the final stages. If he tries to work on it without me, the whole thing will break apart. I must distract him.

I say, "Ketcher lets do science now!"  He runs over and gets out his science notebook. He spends a while cutting, coloring, and pasting the items from the sheet into the notebook while I finish helping Kenzie with math.

We all talk about living and non-living things. We finish up and I set out some snacks. I organize our binders with tomorrow's worksheets and feel like I held it together pretty well considering how tired I am.

11am Time to do laundry, make lunch, and pick up the house.

1:00pm Kids are at "recess" right now. I told them to go play outside but they decided to go downstairs and inventory the playroom. They are screaming all of their words. They may have a hearing problem. I need to get that checked out after this lockdown is over. Every word is penetrating my brain. I just took out my hearing aids and it has helped. We gave the youngest a kazoo on Saint Patrick's Day.  I wish I could go back in time and slap myself.

Time to get some work done.

2:00pm Somehow these two are still playing together and things have gotten quiet. Real quiet. I am deliberating between sneaking down and seeing what they are up to, and just assuming the worst. I decide to keep working and let the damage continue.

2:03pm Aaaaand they're back.

2:05pm I send them outside to collect items for our Nile river model. It is just a cake pan with tin foil folded in the middle to hold water. They are collecting dirt, grass, and rocks.

Is this the Nile River or just a way to get the kids out of the house?

3:00pm I cleaned out my inbox while they were outside. Right now they are pouring water into the Nile River. It is getting "muddy". I send them back outside to dump their models into the yard.

We are done with "school" now.  I turn on Magic School Bus on Netflix and start prepping for dinner. I will have to work tonight after they are in bed so I pour more caffeine in my cup. It's been a day. Tomorrow will hopefully be better.

Sending lots of calm and love out there to all of you reading this now.

*******************************

I hope through these writings, I stay more connected to everyone. I don't do well with complete social isolation.

I have linked most of our homeschool sources throughout this post.

Here is the list of contents in our morning binders.

Tips for binder work: 

1. All the subjects and worksheets will not be done in one day. 
2. After a worksheet is completed add a new one to the page protector. Our worksheets come from the packets sent home on the last day of school, or interactive notebooks (referenced above), or a basic Grade level workbook like this. 
3. The checklist and all the Word/Number of the day sheets are in page protectors.  Use a dry erase marker to complete them, and then wipe them clean so they are ready to go for tomorrow.
4. Mazes and word searches are age-appropriate. These should be fun, not hard. 
5. History/Geography contains maps of the area I am reading about from The Story of the World: Volume 1 by Susan Wise Bauer or pictures that I printed that might capture their attention (like the Mummy from the Louvre we photographed back in 2006. 
6. The first book of the day could be included in the front cover of the binder. I give each kid a very easy book to read so it's enjoyable and not hard.

As always, thank you for reading!!!
~Amanda

Thoughts from Quarantine Day 9

3-26-2020: I decided to journal life during this lockdown.  It may be the only way I stay sane. I am already starting to feel like a sea captain and the crew is getting restless.

It's been 9 days since we began this quarantine and I have only been out one time to grab a few food items from the store... strawberries, milk, beer, and Jameson.  That was 3 days ago.

Today I woke up at 6am to the smell of dog poop and the sound of nails against the wall.  I knew what I was walking into when I opened the bedroom door but had no idea of the grand scale of the poop this morning. Tully, our nearly 16-year-old dog has no ability to hold his bowels and almost every morning it's the same mess. I always hope he hits the puppy pads I have set out but he never does. Today was exceptionally bad because he had pooped all over his bed, knocked down the glade plug-in air freshener, and smashed a massive amount of poop into the wall and baseboard. It took 15 minutes to clean it all up.

Luckily the kids didn't wake up and I go back to bed, only to sit on my phone reading Coronavirus articles and letting my daily dose of fear set in. I think I am enjoying homeschooling because it takes my mind off of everything else. It's a small portion of control in this otherwise uncontrollable situation. Although I admit, I am still being autocorrected when I misspell quarantine so only time will tell if the kids come out of my homeschooling for the better.

I read through a few funny memes... thank God people still have a sense of humor.

I get quietly out of bed. Dan is still sleeping. I accidentally woke him up last night after I dreamed that he fell out of bed and was laying on the floor unconscious. I sat up and said "ARE YOU OKAY?!" and proceeded to lean on top of him and peer onto the floor, expecting to see him lying face down. He woke up and said something that I didn't hear, although I can probably guess, and then I laid back down and fell back into a restless sleep.

I step out of the bedroom to start the day. The house smells terrible. The kids run out of their rooms and I set out breakfast and give them their "morning challenge". This gives me just enough time to answer any emails that came in for work overnight and allow me to sip some coffee.  It's going to be a long day.

If you want a free printable of the morning challenge click here.

MORNING CHALLENGE

	EAT BREAKFAST
	GET DRESSED
	BRUSH HAIR
	BRUSH TEETH
	MAKE BED
	BRING OUT LAUNDRY
	BRING OUT WATER BOTTLE
	TURN OFF BEDROOM LIGHTS
	UNLOAD DISHWASHER

Seriously, thank you for reading and all of your support and funny memes! Humor keeps the spirits up in this stressful time.

Cheers!
~Amanda

Quarantined: Working at Home with Kids

Working from home with kids is not an easy task. In fact, you probably can't even read this without being interrupted 311 times, unless it's 1am.

As a reference, my kids are 5 & 7 years old. Both of them were home with me 100% of the time until they started Kindergarten. The oldest started K last year and the youngest started K this year. These past few months were the first time I was able to work from home with no children in the house.

Tips for EVERYONE that work-at-home with kids.
If you want one single tip from this whole post here it is:  Schedule your day and stick to it so you have blocks of time for work.

• Schedule meals and snacks - If you don't schedule eating they will ALWAYS be eating and ALWAYS be asking you to get them food. A L W A Y S!
• Breakfast, mid-morning snack (or second breakfast), lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner
• A good rule is every 2.5-3 hours put food out. That sounds like something one might say about a pet, but it applies here too.
• Make the snacks a tray of food - example: cheese, fruit, something crunchy like goldfish or veggie straws, something salty like olives or pickles, and a veggie (if your kids eat those foreign objects). They can nibble until the next meal.

• Schedule a bedtime and stick to it. I am feeling your eye rolls already. I know this may sound like the most unrealistic thing to attempt, but it will be the best thing you have ever done for yourself. 
• The key here is to make bedtime non-negotiable. 
• If you pick 7pm then you need to start the routine at 6pm: bath, books, bed
• If the kids can read independently, tell them they can read in bed with a book light until they get tired. 
• As an example: My kids went to bed at 6pm until they were about 5 years old. Now that we are quarantined, and have no hockey/dance/school functions we are holding steady at a 7pm lights out bedtime. The 7-year-old reads for a little before she falls asleep. This gives me a solid 3 hours to work before I get tired.
• Side note: If you don't have to work, you and your partner get to just hang out. If you like one another, this may result in some good conversation, arguments about who's music is best, and enjoying a drink or two. 

• Nights are for focused work. Unfortunately, if the children are awake, you will still get interrupted. According to a study I read once (but can't remember the name of) it takes 7 minutes to get focused up after being interrupted. That's a lot of lost time.
• Day time work should be for answering emails and doing the easy stuff. 
• Kid screen time should be reserved for conference calls and other work tasks that can't be done at night. More on this below.
• Cleaning, laundry, and cooking should all be done at times when children can help out. 
• No child is too young to contribute to the household - chores teach responsibility
• Cooking is a group task. Kids love sharp stuff, give that 5 year-old a butter knife and have them cut the tops off strawberries. 
• Home economics is school too.

Infant - Toddler - Preschool
Obviously, this will not really apply to an infant. When you are in that phase just attempt a nap schedule that coincides with "quiet-time" which will give you a block of time to work. This works best after lunch and can be 1-2 hours depending on if your older child naps or not.

• Quiet time boxes are a MUST!  The concept is simple: Put toys in boxes and rotate them every day. Think about the toy boxes you have at home. Do the kids ever play with anything in them?  Maybe just a few toys off the top?  Have you ever attempted to throw away unused toys and all of a sudden it's Christmas morning and everything is being played with?  You get the idea. 
• If your stores are open go buy 20 medium/large size Sterilite-type containers or order them online from amazon. 
• When they arrive, take some time to drop all the toys into various boxes. This will work better if there is a variety of toys in one box. (example: coloring books, crayons, blocks, a few barbies, a book, and some cars) 
• If you have preschool-age kids this works best using theme boxes. Example: restaurant box - play food, utensils, paper and crayons to make a menu, fake money, etc. Keep the ideas simple  - school, mail, office, grocery, health, space, dinosaurs, princess, weather, etc. No theme is boring to a kid. 
• The boxes will be used during the 1-2 hour quiet time they spend in their room. Having "new" toys to play with every day will remove the number of distractions from your work time which should coincide with quiet time. 
• When quiet time is over, pack the boxes up and put them away.  They are special and should only be used during this time. 
• The toys should be age-appropriate or younger. If anything is too difficult they are going to want you to help them, so keep it simple.

Preschool - Homeschool - Early Elementary

I started homeschooling the oldest when she turned 3 because honestly, she was unbearable with nothing to do. A nice way of putting it is that she is a "spirited" child. At that point, I had a 1 1/2-year-old, a 3-year-old, a puppy, and I was working from home full-time. Here is when I really had to get my shit together.

• School time is 100% you focusing on them. Do not think you can work and have them do school at the same time. Unless your child is older and enjoys reading quietly on their own, you will need to be right next to them answering questions and guiding them on what tasks to do next. 

• Homeschool is NOT a 6 hour day. Even the people that home school their older kids full-time, do not spend 6 hours on school. So just breathe. Anything is better than nothing.

• Schedule your school time. I can't stress this enough when working from home: schedule, schedule, schedule. 
• Preschool: Keep it short - Depending on the kid, this may be two 30 minute periods or 1 hour in the morning with some games in the afternoon. Games are a great way to learn math, social skills, reading and logic.
• Kindergarten: Currently I am doing 1.5 hours in the morning and another hour (if that) in the afternoon. Most of this is centered around whatever he is interested in right now. 
• Early Elementary: My oldest is in first grade, so I am still keeping it short. She is doing 2 hours in the morning and another hour in the afternoon + reading. 
• This sounds like a lot but you will see from my next post about homeschool, it is very short lessons and mostly based on what they enjoy doing, with a few worksheets sprinkled in.

• Morning school = afternoon work. 
• If you devote much of your morning to your children, you can ease the guilt when you work in the afternoon. 
• Save their favorite subjects for the afternoon so they can work independently, or at least work with less tears. My oldest cries whenever we do Math so I do Math right after our group work. She loves reading and writing so those are saved for afternoons.

• Save screens for afternoons/conference calls. 
• I am a little crazy about minimizing TV and iPads. I use screens for when I NEED to work or seriously need a break.
• Before a conference call, I always put out some snacks, turn on their favorite movie, or let them play on their ipads with instructions to NOT interrupt me. Tell them what happens if they do interrupt you during your call. Be specific and FOLLOW THROUGH so they know not to do that again.
• Unless you have to do focused work in the morning, do not use screens until the afternoon.

• Reading time is a requirement for all children old enough to read independently.
• Reading should be in the afternoons. This is the older child's version of "quiet time."
• Set a timer and tell them they are responsible for reading on their own until the timer goes off. 
• Make a reading challenge if your kids are competitive. 
• Let them choose their books, even if it's graphic novels, comics or other things you wouldn't choose for them. 
• At the end, ask the child to write out a page or passage from something they read today. 
• This adds a little writing and copy work into their school day. 
• If they enjoy art, ask them to draw a picture to go with their writing. 
• This activity will increase the time you have to finish up emails or other work.

This whole situation is not easy. You are going to get frustrated at your kids and irritated with work. Some days will be smooth and some days will completely suck. Older kids will understand your need to work a little more. Young kids won't understand why they can't hang all over you while you are trying to type a strongly worded email to Barb who is taking a leave of absence from her work-at-home schedule because she needs a day off for "mental health" reasons. Barb doesn't even have kids...

Final thoughts about being quarantined with our kids...

• Have a sense of humor. Some parents can laugh and be light-hearted about anything. I am not those parents, but keeping them in mind makes me rethink how I react to things. 
• Watch the Mr. Rogers documentary. The movie was good, but the documentary is excellent. It will remind you how important it is to try and look at things from your child's perspective.
• Think about what you are saying in front of your kids. If you keep talking about the coronavirus death toll, it is going to scare them. They don't need to be scared. They are looking to the adults in their life to protect them and make them feel safe. Being pulled away from their friends, teachers, and activities is plenty for them to digest right now.
• The more anxious you are, the more anxious they are. Anxious children do not allow parents to get any work done. They are needy, clingy, and whiney. Please make them feel safe and loved and focused on first, then deal with work. 

We are all in this together and we will make it through. Except for Barb... she is definitely not in this.

For other posts about working from home during a time when the world was not being quarantined, please search "work from home" in the search bar on this page. The information may be humorous, useful or neither. It's a crapshoot.