how to work from home with kids

I wrote a comical post about this last year, but really, I get asked this question a lot: How do you work from home with kids?

It definitely seems that companies are finding the value in giving employees a work-from-home option. I assume they figured out that work-from-home employees are constantly plugged in. Our hours are not 9 to 5 but from the time we wake to the time we go to sleep.

There are certain limitations for each person, when it comes to working from home, but there are LOTS of limitations of working from home with kids. I have been working from home since 2012, about 2 months before my oldest was born, and I have some tips for those of you looking to make it work.

My work from home credentials:  I have two small children ages 3 and almost 2. I work on average 40 hours a week. Some weeks are a little less, some weeks are a lot more. I have a small accounting business of my own and I am the lead accountant for another company about 2 hours away. My kids have never been to day care, and I only pay for babysitters when it is date night. There is a "Kids Corner" at the local rec center that I can utilize, but I have to remain onsite, and I have only used this once for work purposes. I navigated working from with newborns, babies, toddlers, 2 under 2, and every milestone in between.

Schedule time to work.

The most difficult part of working from home with kids, is finding the time to get your job done. First you have to set a schedule.  Not some loose guideline to follow if you feel like it. I mean REALLY SET A SCHEDULE. Figure out the best times to work and stick to it. This allows your boss, or clients, to know when you are available for phone conversations and important email follow ups.

Regular daytime hours are a must for conducting business, even if it's only 1-2 hours per day.

My business hours are from 1:30 - 3:30 mountain time, every single day. Occasionally I have an afternoon off on a Saturday or Sunday if we go out of town, otherwise I adhere to these hours daily, including weekends. What do I do with my kids? The 1 year old takes a nap, the 3 year old has quiet time. NO EXCEPTIONS. I have a special alarm clock that glows when the 3 year old can come out of the room. She knows I am working and is content to play in her room with some toddler tunes and a box of toys. (More info on Quiet Time Boxes here.)

I know you are shaking your heads... my kids won't stay in the room while I work. True, if they aren't used to having to stay put they will probably cry and complain, but having a fresh box of toys from the rotation, a snack, and some fun stories to listen to will help keep them content. It will probably take some time for them to get used to it, but they will. Have something special planned each day to reconnect with them after the time is over. Read a book together, go on a walk, color, whatever they enjoy doing. If they know they get your attention after, they will be a lot more compliant.

Obviously 2 hours per day is certainly not enough to get everything accomplished. You will need to schedule work into your nights or mornings (sometimes both). I work from the time my kids go to bed (7pm) until I go to bed (10pm usually). This is every night, including weekends. Occasionally we get a babysitter and I take a night off, but I am probably doing double time the next day.

When you have extra projects it's important to have extra time worked into your schedule. Maybe this is a partner, or family member, relieving you so you can get some extra work done, or maybe it's some extra TV time. This will depend on your kids age, attention span, and your personal parenting style.

The beginning of the month is extremely busy for me, so there is extra TV time, maybe some educational apps on the ipad, and Dad might care for them after quiet time for an hour or two. Whatever you can do, do it.

Schedule time with your Kids.
So you have figured out when you can work.  Now you have to carve out some special time every day to be interactive with the kids. This will help you balance work with home.

Each weekend I try and figure out a theme for week. I look through pinterest and instagram and find some crafts or printables for us to tackle. If I can't come up with anything we have a whole box filled with "school" stuff: Logic games, workbooks, mazes, dry-erase books, puzzles, etc.

My maniacal smile after 2 straight hours
of laminating on Sunday afternoon.
No... this is not fun for me.

This may seem like too much, and sometimes it is, but you will find that if you have something planned it really makes the day go by so much easier. Even when the activity planned goes to hell, at least you tried. It really keeps the parent guilt at bay.

It is fun for them and helps keep us focused.
Free Easter printables from www.overthebigmoon.com.

Schedule time away from the House.
This is SUPER important. At some point the house WILL become your enemy. You have to book some time away to talk to other people. I recommend putting your kids in some fun classes. We have a rec center here that has all kinds of amazing classes for all ages. My youngest is in tumbling, my oldest is in a cooking class, gymnastics, and ballet.

Since Kenzie is 3, she has classes that I don't have to participate in. This is awesome for several reasons:

1. She learns instruction from someone else. It's one thing to not pay attention to me, but getting in trouble from a teacher is a big lesson in learning.
2. I get to hang out one-on-one with the youngest. It's so much easier running errands with one kid and errands = play to a one year old. It's a win-win.
3. If needed I can get a few extra hours of work in per week. I can let Ketcher play while I work, or put him in Kids Corner and tackle a phone call or webinar.

Running errands while big
sister is in class.

The "Do Not" List:
There are important items NOT to do while working from home with kids.

• Don't take on too much work or you will feel like you are failing on all levels.
• Don't try and work while your kids are running around. This isn't fair to you, your kids, or your business.
• Don't try to check your phone/email/etc. constantly. If I am in the kitchen prepping food for snacks or meals I will check through my emails and if necessary, take care of the ones that really need attention. 98% can wait until my designated working hours.
• Do not stress if you are new at this and your boss doesn't seem to be cool with it. Eventually you both will get to a level of comfort and it will all work out.

Put your schedule together and stick to it.
Having a schedule is good for you and definitely good for your kids. Figure out what works for your family and know your limits.

Here is a look at my schedule:

7am-8am Breakfast
8am-9am Get dressed
9am-12pm Crafts, activities, or classes (kid focused time)
12pm-1:30pm Clean-up & lunch with daddy
1:30pm-3:30pm Kids nap/quiet time  //  Work
3:30-4:30pm Run Errands or Outdoor time - walks, bikes, stroller rides (weather permitting)
4:30-5pm kid dinner
5-6pm TV time // Mom cooks adult dinner
6-7pm bath/bedtime
7-10pm Work

Working from home can make you feel lonely like a stay-at-home, guilty like a work-outside-of-home, and immensely stressed. Cut yourself lots of slack and make sure you are taking care of yourself. If all else fails, just be glad you don't also have a blog to keep up with.

Have more tips? Please let me know! If this was helpful to you, or someone you might know, please share. As always, thank you for reading!

#workfromhome #workingfromhome #parenting #WFH

Keep your kids safe from sexual abuse

Sexual Assault Awareness AND Child Abuse Awareness month are coming up in April, I wanted to pass on my knowledge, from the books I have read, about how to keep kids safe from sexual abuse. Sorry, no humor here, but this really needs to be read and shared. If we can help one child from abuse, we help one child live a life free from all the terror and insecurity of being robbed of their innocence.

Statistics: 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys are sexually abused as children. This statistic is partially based on estimation because child sexual abuse is wildly under reported.

If I do a quick calculation on all the parents/grandparents/guardians I am friends with on facebook (that will hopefully read this post) and all of their children combined that could potentially be saved from abuse, we are saving a LOT of kids. (It should be noted that I did not actually do any calculations while working on this post.)

This topic is still considered taboo, however child sexual abuse thrives on secrecy. Do not wait until your child is "old enough" to educate yourself. In an alarming number of cases the abuse began when the child was only 3 years old. The point at which it was reported (if at all - most child sexual abuse is not reported), is not until the child is a teenager or an adult. Years of abuse and coping leaves the child feeling unprotected and abandoned, and leaves the abusers door open to so many other children.

If you can, please read:
Off Limits: A Parent's Guide to Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse

This book should be required reading for all parents, but let's face it, we have very little time. In the book, the author interviewed child sexual abusers, in prison, to find out the circumstances behind their assaults. Nearly all of the abusers had the same answers.

What is child sexual abuse?

First of all you should know what child sexual abuse is: At the extreme end of the spectrum, sexual abuse includes sexual intercourse or its deviations. Yet all offences that involve sexually touching a child (or forcing them to touch someone else), as well as non-touching offenses (showing child things of sexual nature, talking inappropriately to a child about sexual topics),  and sexual exploitation, are just as harmful and devastating to a child's well-being. Definition used from americanhumane.org.

Tips to keep your kids safe:

Here are some important points from the book on keeping your kids safe:

• Do not blindly drop your kids off at lessons, or play dates, without checking things out. Ask questions, see the house, be intrusive. This will usually scare off a potential child abuser. A piano teacher abused hundreds of children, because parents dropped their children off at his house and left. No questions, no visits. He said he would have been scared to abuse a child whose parents had come in and looked around, even once.
• Teach your kids the proper names for their body parts. Child abusers tend to go after kids that call their body parts cutesy names. They stated that the child was naïve and the parents probably didn't discuss uncomfortable topics with their kids.
• Watch for behavior changes. Changes in behavior are key indicators that something is wrong. It could be grades going from straight As to failing. An outgoing, happy child becoming melancholy and withdrawn. A child who used to care about their appearance is purposely trying to be unnoticeable.
• Pay attention when your child doesn't like someone. It is not natural for children to have strong feelings of dislike toward an adult. There is probably a reason for it and it is rare when they come straight out and say that they are being abused. Usually they will say things like "I don't like him." "He is mean." "He is bad." It's very general, and they are waiting for you to take the initiative and ask the hard questions. There was a case where the boy was being molested by his church youth counselor. He told his mother he didn't like the man. The mom got angry and told him not to say things like that. The boy never said another word about it. His mother failed to protect him, or get him the help he needed. Not only that, the man went on to abuse so many other children that could have been protected.
• Do not force your children to hug and kiss other family members or children. They should learn at an early age that they are in control of who touches their bodies. If they feel comfortable and want to give a hug, it should be up to them.
• Teach your child about secrets. Child sexual abuse often goes unreported because the abuser teaches them to keep secrets. Tell your child that surprises can be kept because they make people happy and excited, but secrets are hurtful and unsafe.

Other important information:

The majority (but not all) of sexual abusers are heterosexual men, that know the child in some way. It is rarely a complete stranger. Generally the abuser was abused as a child. This is passed down through generations. Abusers prey on children... not necessarily a specific gender.

Helping a child that has been abused:

What happens after the abuse:

• If you think something may have happened, ask questions, talk about it. It will be uncomfortable for both of you, but they will feel safe and begin to heal.
• Get your child into therapy or counseling. The earlier you begin this, the earlier they will heal. Coping is not healing. Healing is recognizing something happened, surrounding them with support, and finding out what they need to move on.
• Report the abuser. Help save another child from abuse.

Helping the child to heal, not just cope:

Healing from child sexual abuse:

• Therapy is beneficial for children and parents. If the child has siblings, they might benefit as well. If the abuser was a family member, it is possible the abuse has happened to the other children and they didn't tell anyone.
• Healing is a long road. They need to feel safe and that someone is protecting them. There is no single path to healing, with your love and guidance, your child will heal on their own time.
• Spending extra time with your child, in a loving and safe environment, will help them on the road to acceptance and gaining back their self-esteem.

Children that suffer abuse alone can end up in a struggle with unhealthy coping mechanisms for the rest of their life: drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, to name a few... and in the worst situations a greater propensity for adult rape/abuse or repeating the abuse on other children.

What to avoid:

DO NOT:

• Do NOT minimize the situation. Being touched inappropriately, or dealing any sexual situation before they are ready, is something confusing and terrible for a child to have to sort out. Do not use comparisons such as rape vs. molestation, or if you were abused as a child, comparing their situation to yours.
• Do NOT ignore the situation. There are other children in danger. Get your child help and report it to the police to protect other children.
• Do NOT blame the child. This goes without saying, but some people are stupid. Your child, or teenager, needs your support and unconditional love. No matter what the circumstances were they were NOT at fault.
• Do NOT allow contact between your child and the abuser. If it is a family member, it may feel like a loss to everyone to not spend holidays with the family, but what is important, is standing up for your child. Be their hero. Save them from the shame and hurt that would come from forcing everyone to be in the same location.
• Do NOT lose control of yourself in front of them. They need a safe space to talk about the situation. If you start screaming and crying and threatening to hurt their abuser, they may not feel safe. Go to the police, but first talk to your child and make sure they feel safe.

Educate yourself!

This post is by no means all inclusive, please go to the library or jump on amazon and educate yourself.

Off Limits: A Parent's Guide to Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse

I have not read these but some of them are only $0.99 if you have a kindle, or the app on your phone:
Pedophiles Don't Discriminate: How to Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse
No More Secrets: Protecting Your Child from Sexual Assault

There are tons of books to educate even the youngest kids on what is inappropriate:
I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private
Your Body Belongs to You
No Means No!: Teaching children about personal boundaries, respect and consent; empowering kids by respecting their choices and their right to say, 'No!'
Do You Have a Secret? (Let's Talk About It!)

If you are a victim of child sexual abuse there are also a lot of recovery books to help you heal:
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, 20th Anniversary Edition
It Wasn't Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion
Hush: Moving From Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse

There are so many other facets of sexual abuse when it comes to technology. Please get educated and teach your children about the warning signs of online stalkers and video game "groomers".

More resources:

A great website for further resources and information: http://www.stopitnow.org/

Educating the masses? PSA is a company I work for that creates and distributes awareness materials. Please check out their website for DVDs, promotional items, sliders, and display materials: www.psacorp.com.

Please share this post to help keep kids safe.

Again, please share this so we can help protect our kids.