Breaking Point

Last night I hit my breaking point. After a long month of deadlines, tasks, and being stretched to the max I finally exploded. 

We were getting into bed when Dan noticed a puddle of water on the sheets by our pillows. One of the dogs had knocked down a glass of water from our headboard. We got up and changed the fitted sheet. I soaked up what I could with some paper towels, and went back to trying to send one last email to a co-worker. As I am trying to fight with autocorrect (a minimum of 5 times) on my phone over "FYI" and it kept correcting to "Fri" Dan said. "You didn't soak this up very well, it's leaking through the sheet."  I looked down and hysterically yelled. "I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING!!!!"

This sums it up.

It has been a really long month. Work has been eating up ALL of my free time. With one company I am prepping taxes and getting out hundreds of 1099s, with another company I am pricing thousands of catalog items, and Dan pimped me out to his boss to help with their ever growing admin tasks that haven't been getting done.

I am working 50+ hours a week this month, trying to get in my workouts, cooking dinner, keeping the house clean, and trying not to neglect my two surprisingly patient children.

It's a good time of year, my bread and butter, but it's demanding and this is the first time I have tried to do it with 2 kids. I would say I have been keeping it together pretty good, you know, stuffing my emotions deep down, real healthy like.

So when I yelled at Dan his look of shock made me start laughing. Like a crazy hysterical laugh/cry. I was laughing but tears were coming out of my eyes, and not in a this-is-super-funny-so-I'm-crying kind of way. He just sat there thinking I was losing it for good.

If only...

I tried to explain, but there was really nothing he could understand. Since I work from home, it appears I do nothing all day except play with the kids and sing and dance, like a Disney movie. We have woodland creatures come and clean the house for us, and fairy god mothers to cook our meals. After the kids are in bed and I log into work for the next 3 hours, I really must be blogging and facebooking, not actually doing anything productive.

The reality is I am pretty much always logged into work. Either on my laptop or checking my emails from my phone. There are times I force myself to step away and hang with the kids, or workout. The workouts are certainly for my sanity as well as my health.

Only 1 more month of this grueling work schedule and things will be back on track. January is the worst of it. February will get better. At least that's what I tell myself.

After I wiped the tears off my face, I jumped up and ran to get a towel, because apparently I can do everything.

A Letter to My Dearest

My husband doesn't read my blog, which in some ways is good. Changes are a comin' and instead of telling him (and scaring him) I will just write them here:

To My Darling Husband,

When this new baby comes, you are going to have to share your heart with another adorable being, just as special as our precious baby girl.  You are also going to have to change the diaper genie for the first time ever, which I am positive is one of Dante's 9 circles of hell.  There is nothing more putrid smelling than 4 days of poopy diapers shoved into a funnel.

It is truly moving to watch you gently carry a sleeping Kenzie from the truck into the house.  In the following months, I will also be moved, watching you on the monitor at 1:30am trying to console our dear daughter who has woken up for no reason at all.  Good luck falling back asleep.

You have always been a wonderful Dad to our children and our dogs. The time has come for you to take over the loving responsibility of changing our old dogs diapers, which are much more soaked and frequent than our children's ever were.  Also, the 3am puking, which seasonally picks up in the Spring, will now be your glorious task.

There is no other person on this earth, that Kenzie is happier to see walk into the house. I absolutely
love, and admire, watching you play with our daughter. Teaching her to ski this young is amazing, and probably a necessity, since your shaky depth perception of our door frames have probably taken a toll on her. Remember to tuck the new baby into your body as you cross the threshold from room to room. 

I love the way you love me. We aren't the most affectionate couple, but you make me feel loved every day by the little things you do, like picking me up a cold treat on your way home from work. If you even think about eating my ice cream cookie sandwiches after this baby is born, I will break your knees in your sleep.

With Love Always,
Your Loving Wife